| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: If you worry your boyfriend is cheating on you and tell him that you are worried about this, if he was GUILTY would he tell you point blank to follow him around and be discreet so that you can put your mind at ease?My boyfriend told me to follow him if that makes me feel better as he can't seem to calm my fears any other way. And he insists he isn't cheating or doing anything wrong.If he was guilty, would he even suggest something like that? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Have you any reason to believe he is cheating or is it just that you are insecure? You need to figure that one out first.
Remember what he has said to you is just words, sounds like words to let you give him peace, and stop nagging him about cheating. Without knowing him I don't know if he is cheating or not. But them words are not going to have the answer.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 Yes he could. In fact, it's rather typical of a liar.
" Could I drop dead this very second, if next month I am not going to give you back the money you are lending me ! " Next month comes, he does not drop dead , and you see no money :).
If he's a cheater, big impressive words are a safe bet. Why ? Because he knows that after all you would not follow him around day and night , unless you are mentally ill. Nobody does. And even if you give it a little try , say you follow him coming out from work, and see him entering a building and staying there a couple of hours, so what. He was at the dentist's. He was getting a massage for his sciatica, he was visiting Aunt Clementine...
The difference between a sincere guy and a cheater is not in the words, all of us are capable of big dramatic statements if needs be,
The difference is in the actions, and in who you are and who he is.
I mean : does your jealousy come from your insecurities, your own inabiity to trust, your low self esteem that makes you see any woman as a rival ? Are you jealous even if he makes you feel loved and appreciated, even if he never does anything to make you feel insecure, even if you have never caught him in a lie or contraddiction ?...
Or, have you got reasons to be suspicious ? Have you caught him before, cheating or sexting or flirting excessively, has he already crossed boundaries with other women ?
Has he changed toward you out of the blue, has he become emotionally distant, or sexually indifferent ; have his work or personals committments multiplied recently all of a sudden ?
And, maybe most importantly, is he a trustworthy person in general ? Do you know him as a person who keeps his word and committments, or instead as someone who does not hesitate to turn things to his advantage no matter if it's wrong, illegal or hurtful to other people ?...
In short : obviously you do not trust him. Ask yourself WHY you don't trust him - because of him, or because of yourself ?
And also, ask yourself WHY you want to stay with a man whom obviously you do not trust and feel you should spy on and follow around. What a life ! Is this what you really want in your relationships ?...
...............................
A
female
reader, lovebug123123  +, writes (9 February 2016):
I always say you should go with your gut feeling, but the again.I used to be very insecure and low self esteem which in turn affected my realtionships
If im wrong about above im sorry , dont mean to offend but i see it alot where women, my mum for instance gets very paarniod and in turn drives them away!
Has anything happened to make you think he is cheating?
If so, then i say give it a couple of weeks and dont accuse him anymore as this could push him away if he is innocent, just to see if anything changes, and if you still feel the same go with your gut. Do abit of snooping if need be on the low-low obviously!
I personally dont think he would say follow me if you want if he was cheating. From what youve wrote , i think he generally doesnt know how to tell you hes not cheating.
hope it all works out :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 Not if he wants to fool you into thinking otherwise. I see it two ways. One, IF he was, what better way to throw you of kilt than suggesting all is honest and above board. just lulling you into a false sense of security.He would know you are there so it doesn't make sense that following him around would prove anything other than he has an Inspector Clouseau for a GF. Two, if he is not, then he is true to his word with nothing to hide. Other than your insecurity,has he done anything to make you suspect that he has cheated? You cant let your personal insecurities be judge jury and executioner of an innocent man.
...............................
|
