A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, with our relationship ending about 3 months ago. I had always thought my boyfriend was a great man and a great partner, but he really did me dirty towards the end and also after our break up. He ended up emotionally cheating on me for a couple of weeks with a woman he had only Knew for like a month (going to her for emotional support, flirting, developing feelings for her) and then one night he let this go as far as to kissing her. I didn't know any of this was going on until he sat me down and confessed to everything. He was very apologetic, crying, and said he wanted to work everything out and we agreed. The ''work things out' phase was obviously rocky, and only lasted about a week until yet again my boyfriend came to me now saying that he's had time to think and he isn't happy with me anymore and wants to break up so he can just do his own thing and find happiness. I tried to do my best to make things work out, and was willing to truly forgive him for everything and let it go, but he shut down on me completely. About 3 weeks later he started dating this woman. This same woman he cheated with and according to him, makes him very happy. I don't understand how he can be in love with this woman so quickly and how he can be truly happy knowing he cheated with her? It's totally devastating. It hurts to know that he's now happily in love with this woman, while I'm still here very hurt, confused, and overwhelmed about everything that's happened. I've briefly seen him out a couple of times with his friends and he just seems to be so happy and according to our 2 close mutual friends, he's had nothing but bad things to say about me. It's so weird how quickly he's changed and how he acts like our 3 year relationship never happened, when he's the one who hurt me. It's even more hard and confusing to accept all of this, because during our entire 3 years together, he was amazing. He never seemed like the type to do any of this. I really do love him and still care, but it's the total opposite for him. What do you guys think about all of this? Could I have done something to make him do this to me? I don't know how to deal with this and get over it
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): I agree with the female poster who pointed out that if he truly was in love with you, NO ONE will be able to take him away. Somehow, somewhere during these three years, he fell out of love with you, but continued to stay in the relationship with you, maybe because it's his comfort zone, maybe it's just easier, maybe he just haven't met anyone else. This happens with both male or female partners. They continue to stay in a relationship when they've already fallen out of love with their partner. Maybe some don't even realize it, hence their partner doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship either.When you're truly in love with someone, you can't even imagine someone other than that person being by your side. You don't want comfort or support from anyone but the one you love, because only him/her can make things better for you.He was gone before you realized it. Let him go and wish him happiness else where. You will heal. You will learn to love again. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): Literally do not waste any more time thinking about this frankly 'douchebag' individual. Throw yourself into hobbies spend time with friends and family do stuff to keep busy and keep happy. Time heals and you will feel better eventually.do not stalk facebook or let them contact you again ever for now pretend like they never exsisted.One day you will look back and you won't feel bad,perhaps just realise how much time you wasted being sad,but its just something you have to work through and it is horrible at the time but it does end and you will get over it. *fast healing vibes*
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): I can only imagine how hurt you must be, but there was nothing you could have done. Him falling in love with someone else, means that at some point prior to your break up he fell out of love with you. It happens. Maybe he wasn't aware of it until he met someone he liked. Maybe he didn't want to admit it. Maybe he thought it would go away and yiou would be happy again. But, this woman did not ruin your relationship he would have left you no matter what. She appeared because in his heart/mind you were already gone. Now, let's talk about saying bad stuff behind your back. Since he did something that is so obviously wrong - emotionally cheating, h efeels that he needs to justify his actions. In his mind, everything is justifiable if you're the bad guy and if he had suffered with you for 3 years. Fortunately, people CAN think (even if they pretend that they can't sometimes for the sake of teh friendship). Nobody forced him to be with you. He was with you (even when he no longer loved you) because he was weak, afraid of being alone etc. He couldn't have left until he found someone. That's his MO. You do not want that kind of person around you! Being with him is not your fault. Trusting him was not your fault. Focus on yourself. When you start thinking about him, consciously focus on something else. It takes time but it works. Be nice to yourself. Treat your body and mind kindly. If you have a positive attitude and accept and love yourself, you will also attract someone who will treat you that way, with love and kindness.Every experience in our lives is useful. Sometimes it is hard to accept that. If you deem necessary and if you are ready for it maybe in time you'll percieve the situation differently and see this 3-year relationship for what it really was. There is no way that everything was perfect and that it one day just fell apart. Sometimes we want things to be perfect (and they can never be) so much that we embelish them and ignore bad aspects. Thinking positive does not mean ignoring bad stuff, but dealing with it in a positive manner.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 When your trust is broken like this it can be wounding in a very deep way. Know that before he cheated on you he had already done it in his head. It is good you found out now. You are rid of him, and when you have healed you will meet someone better.
It might not seem possible that you will ever love or trust again. Know that sometimes you have to get rid of stuff to let better things into your life.
One day you will say, 'Yeh, that guy on Dear Cupid was right. Thank goodness I didn't stick with that bstrd.'
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (9 February 2016):
Honestly I don't really know if you could have done something or not. It's only one side of the story afterall.
But what I really do suggest that it's time for you to move on. That's what your bf seems to have done. To me it appears like he is a jerk, for bad mouthing you, unnecessarily and doing so just to justifying his action. To me that only ,means that he isn't worth your time... So let him go, and focus on yourself and turning around your life for the better.
Remember you deserve better :)
Good Luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and I know how you're feeling right now.The best thing I can suggest to you is to delete him from your life, numbers, facebook etc. To start healing, you cannot have any reminders of how 'happy' he is right now. Do NOT talk to your mutual friends, maybe try and stay clear of them for a while. And now for the fun part...focus on YOU! Nothing makes you feel more confident than getting your hair done, buying new clothes, doing new things with your friends. Go on vacation! You can do anything you want because you're not restrained by a relationship anymore! It really does help. The pain will eventually go away, just take it a day at a time and one day you'll wake up and realise you don't care anymore. It WILL happen. This sort of thing makes you feel like your life is over, but it really isn't. That's important to understand. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and really you have to thank god this happened before you guys got married etc. That's looking at it in a positive light anyway.I also found writing your feelings down can help, it's like a form of therapy in itself. The healing process will take time. But know that eventually, you'll be happy again!Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, lovebug123123 +, writes (9 February 2016):
Awh :(you must be so upset, i totally get it. I been there myself.the 3 year mark...So this is the prime time for guys to wonder off in a relationship. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. Guys get to a stage in a relationship where it hits them that wow im in love, this is so serious etc. And it TERRIFIES THEM! hence they back off, they dont know what they want, and therefore have to consider what they really want. I assume your ex is literally loving this new sense of freedom, its something new, something exciting. wooohoo. butTRUST ME GURL... that relationship will not last. I have seen this thing soooooo many times. Like you said he has known her for a month, that is no real time to develop any sort of real deep feelings for someone. It is lust, pure and simple, someone showed him interest outside of his long term relationship which sparked that doubt him his mind of am i ready to settle down, is this what i want etc. This lust will fade, and he will miss you, and will get bored of that sack of sh** girl hes got beside him. You cannot finish with someone that quickly after 3 years and act like this, he clearly isnt over you or he wouldnt waste his time saying bad things about you. The fact that you say the relationship was great, and he changed/cheating so suddenly and now hes with someone new says it all. He will realise what he had, and i beilive the only reason hes saying these bad things about you is because he generally is convincing himself you was wrong for him, and hes made the right decision. Which yes he may beilive at the moment, but its all false.So this is what you gonna do gurl, ... spend time with your friends, look fabalous, do some low cost things you wouldnt nomrally do .. go karting, bowling, ghost tours, trip the beach, archery, laser tag. Make a list of 20 activities you have never done before, and spend your new found time enjoying yourself (me and my friends do one different activity a week and its really fun). I know cliche and you just want to lay in bed and cry, and you should for a day or two, but you know it will get better! and when that poor excuse for a man crawls back (WHICH HE WILL wether that be in 6 days, 6 weeks or 6 months) you be like 'Aint nobody got time for that' Guess what girl you will have moved on to better things. Wether that is being single and fabalous having fun and now found interests with your friends or finding someone who will treat you with respect and not cheat you on. :D xx
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