A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, this is actually my first time posting on social media. I just feel I have no where really to turn to. Last week I found dirty underwear in my car that weren't mine.When I found them I thought nothing really of it and threw them away into the trash (that was later picked up and no way to retrace it).Then it started hounting me. My husband and I are not having sex for the last six months. BUT he is the sweetest most loyal guy. I just can't believe he's cheeting. Plus why would they be in my car? Why not in his car? I'm so upset with my self, because I wish I saved them, so I could confront him with the evidence. But I didn't. What should I do? The reason I really need your help is because I know that if I tell any of my friends they'll think he's a cheater( there all single and want me to join) but it really doesn't make sense. He's never texting girls, or emailing, or going out without me... It just doesn't make sense.. Yet since then I am having trouble sleeping at nightThanks!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Yes, very red flag.
The fact which make me feel that your husband must be up to something, is no so much the finding of the dirty knickers , as their disappearal later.
I.e : Yes, actually it makes no sense that your husband would bring another woman to have sex in YOUR car, or would go there to indulge a dirty lingerie fetish , when he has his own car. So, in theory,there could be another explanation for the presence of this underwear . Maybe a prank.
But, you threw them away and a few hours later they were gone ?... That's weird. While there may be other people who have access to your car, who else , but you and your husband, has access to your trash, and would go rummaging through it to retrieve one item ?! If you haven't taken the underwear out from the trash- then it must have been your husband. WHY ? He did not take out, I suppose, also yesterday's banana peels or broken eggshells. He must have taken the underwear out because he wanted to dispose of any evidence and be able to pretend he did not know what you were talking about in case you brought up the subject.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 You don't need proof in order to justify asking him about what you know you saw. This is a HUGE RED FLAG. Dirty female knickers don't just fly in through the window.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (10 February 2016):
You don't need proof in order to justify asking him about what you know you saw. This is a HUGE RED FLAG. Dirty female knickers don't just fly in through the window.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
Off the top of my head here are some reasons why the dirty underwear was in your car:
1) Perhaps some passerby decided to play a prank and throw them in through an open window.
2) Could it possibly be one of your children's?
3) Or sadly it could be another woman's.
4) Maybe someone broke into your car, "used" it and left behind as a parting gift?
5) Perhaps they are truly old and were part of a goodwill package you were planning on throwing away.
Does he even have access to your car?
Due to the fact you aren't having sex, it may be time to sit down with your husband and ask him why. Presuming you are both in your early thirties, there is no reason why you shouldn't be doing it more than once every 6 months. Guys his age are still pretty horny and my fear for you is that if he isn't getting it from you, where is he getting it from? Could it possibly be that your husband is into porn and has a panty fetish?
I am just throwing out possibilities. But I do think it is time to ask yourself, what is truly going on in your marriage.
It doesn't sound like there is much of a connection and while on the surface you get along, there is something troubling below the surface.
If it was me, I'd bring it up and explain to him how much it bothers you and that you miss the closeness and passion you once shared. See where it leads. Maybe he has a perfectly logical explanation.
Ultimately, you may find it useful to seek out couple's therapy -- even if you go for yourself. I suspect there is a deeper element here that needs to be looked at simply beyond the panties.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): You must communicate sure if it isn't the case he may be hurt. But you can't keep feeling the way you are without it getting worst. Just have a conversation with him and see what happens??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): It does sound sus but i would have thought you would notice other things too if he were cheating,different behaviour etc.What kind of underwear was it? Could it be his underwear?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): You found used underwear that weren't yours and he's the only one who's got access to the car. You say he is not texting anyone- I severely doubt that... Bet you don't check his phone. He is cheating
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): That is pretty DAMNING evidence!!!!Red Flag alert!!!This is what I would do right NOW.Keep quiet.Do NOT confront him.If you do and if he IS cheating, he will just DENY it and explain his way out of it and HIDE it better from now on...So, what you need to do now is keep a very close eye on him. Do it discreetly. Follow him around and see what he is up to. Watch for clues and changes in behaviour.It is possible you did not see any of the signs that may already have been there because you were NOT looking. Because you TRUSTED him?Now you know better. I am not saying he is cheating but that kind of evidence is definitely cause for concern and further investigation.So, investigate and never let on to him that is what you are doing.Once you get evidence.. I mean cold, hard evidence, then you approach him.But you do need to find out what's going on.Sometimes we are too naive and too trusting. And sometimes we fool our own selves into a false sense of security.How do I know all this?Lots of experience with cheaters who think they are always a step ahead. Sadly for them, their cheating ways often come to a screeching halt once they meet a woman who is smarter than they ever thought she was.
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