A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing a girl for about four months now. i'm very happy with her and we have a very healthy relationship together. she tells me she definitely sees a future with me and i thought i did, too.my problem is that she told me today that she's strongly considering applying to spend this next fall semester abroad in Rwanda. nothing is set in stone at the current moment, but if she does get accepted and goes, should i stay with her? that'll be an entire four months away from each other. and honestly, i don't know if i can do that.from the time she'd leave come august, it would be roughly 8 or 9 months we'd been together in total. so she'd be gone for about half of our entire relationship.she hasn't said, but i'm assuming she's planning on wanting to stay together if she does go. but that's just an assumption.if you were in my shoes, would you stay? i do love her. i really do. it just scares me to invest all this time in her just to have her leave and us break up. opinions would be great. thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): OP here. for the strong majority of you who actually answered my question honestly and sincerely, without berating my age and maturity level, i greatly appreciate it. thank you so much.for the most part, it seemed everyone agreed that it's do-able and i should be patient, so i'm leaning towards taking that advice and seeing how it all turns out. i was just afraid a new relationship couldn't handle that much distance so early off. if we'd been together for years, i'd say it was nothing. but that's not the circumstances. and Rwanda isn't exactly the next state over, ya know? and also, someone mentioned that i shouldn't look that far ahead for such a new relationship. very good point. and point well noted.to clarify a few other things people mentioned, i'm definitely not telling her not to go. i'm certainly not that type of person - never will be. i'm nothing but supportive of her decisions. i told her i love her and support whatever she chooses to do. she knows this. but just because i support her chasing her dreams doesn't always equal out to us being together in the end. you can support someone fully, but at the same time realize it can't work out. to TrancedRhythmEar, sex is an aspect of it. trust me. but i can hold out, it'll just suck not being with her. thanks for your input, brother.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): I'd stay.
4 months is nothing. Keep calm, if you both are honest there will be no problem.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
 She's talking about going for ONE semester? a very brief period of time in the span of things.
If I was you I'd not leave... wait and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 For me im a guy who needs sex n thats way too long to b away. Id say if it doesnt affect any need then stay.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (22 March 2013):
Are you really in the 26-29 year age bracket? Because you come across as much younger. 4 months is perfectly do-able in terms of being separated while in a relationship. Allowing someone to spead their wings and develop themselves is part of loving someone. You should be supportive rather than talking in terms of losing an investment.
If you loved her you wouldn't be asking this question. That is the bottom line.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (22 March 2013):
 She probrably had this idea in her head long before she met you. Let her go and be there for her when she returns. Finishing your relationship with her just because she's going away is a bit drastic and I'm sure she'd be very upset if she knew because she's already told you she can see a future with you.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I think that 1) this is too far off for such a new relationship and 2) that if you are thinking of spending your lives together 4 months is way too short to end a relationship over. It basically sounds like a normal college schedule. Most college couples follow that schedule, date during the year, spend 3 months apart over summer. Pretty standard. Many of them survive. No it's not easy, but nothing worth having comes easy. Just try to relax, enjoy your time together now, and let her follow her dreams. This will be an amazing opportunity for her.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 4 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things, so I'd just stay with her and see what happens. As you said, nothing is set in stone yet so you dont know what is going to happen. Wait and see, try not to worry about it and take each day as it comes.
Your relationship is still very new anyway, so there isnt much point in thinking too far ahead at the moment. If you both really love each other then I'm sure you can make it work for 4 months, its not like she will be gone for years here! You could probably go out to see her at least once, and then the rest of the time use Skype and other things like that so you can still see each other and talk to her.
It is a great opportunity for her and if anything, once she comes back it will only make your relationship stronger. She will really appreciate and respect you for not trying to make her pull out of this opportunity, and it will prove to you both that you can survive pretty much anything together. It will really cement your relationship and prove to you that this is a good one for the future.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2013):
 By Fall you will have known her another 6 months and maybe you will feel more confident that 4 months apart is VERY doable, IF you are with the right person and WILLING to work to keep it going.
Don't tell her you NOT to go. This is HER dream and just because you are doubting right now doesn't mean you should kill her dream. It's not like she is going to Africa because of you. She wants to go to 1. do good, 2. learn more. PUT yourself in HER shoes. If she doesn't go because of you don't you think resentment might creep in too? I think not wanting her to go is a little selfish and immature. Because YOU are not thinking of her, but only yourself.
I have been married for 15 years. My husband served in the Army and was definitely gone more then he was home. Not just deployments but training, work and schools as well and we still managed to make it work.
4 months MIGHT seem long right now, but trust me, you will be busy with school as well, and SKype/e-mail her and time WILL fly. If she is someone you can TRULY see yourself with.
It's only been 4 months, so I truly would support her and see how it goes by Fall.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 If you really like her then what is 4months out of the rest of your life? If you break up you wouldn't necessarily be any happier.
It sounds like she has an amazing opportunity, be a supportive boyfriend and this could really strengthen your relationship.
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