A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:im not in the best of health and im trying to find the lord and confess my sins. just not sure how to tell my wife who im separated from that i wasnt as innocent as she thought. we got married in the military had a son and daughter and i let her have flings with a woman so she wouldnt leave me although i quietly resented her for it and so had so many affairs behind her back ive lost count. three kids came out of my affairs who she doesnt know of and neither do my two kids by her or the older son i had by another woman with a woman i dated when i was stationed in germany when in the army. how should i fess up to my wife and son and daughter? i have been carrying this guilt for years and had affairs up to the day we split. i dont know how to fess up for the lord and i dont want to hide my babies from my affairs anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): As much as I am a believer of truth, in some cases it's best to let sleepig dogs lie,because in your case it won't heal anything. It will hurt other's and stir up things that just can not be really resolved. An absent Father to 3 children,etc, what good can come out of confessing now?I understand that you are trying to do the right thing, but you are seperated and really don't need to confess other than 'offloading guilt'. You have found truth in your life so if you are ASKED questions why not then answer truthfully.The life we live is the legacy we leave behind, not many of us leave a golden path, we mess up, make bad choices, regret paths that led us away from our true selves, none of us are perfect. Would your wifes forgivness make things right? You need to accept you were an ass and made mistakes, it's what you do 'Now' that matters,the past is the past and confessing won't change that fact.Teach people/strangers to be true, tell them your regrets. Volunteer to help others and forget about releasing guilt, all that does, is TRANSFER it.I wish you well and hope all goes well for you(remember NONE OF US ARE PERFECT)even your seperated wife.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I gave this some thought. You need to decide how you want to tell them, but my thoughts are that whatever way you tell them... you should tell them. I don't care so much for telling your ex wife, perhaps ignorance will be bliss for her. But your children, I think they would benefit from knowing they have siblings. All of your children ought to know about each other, to know that they have brothers and sisters out there. Family is important, and they ought to know about each other.
Perhaps they wont be happy about it right now when they learn about it, but in the years to come I believe it is good for them to know. So that they are aware. Family is at least important to me, and if I had half brothers and sisters out there I'd very much want to know about it, so that I could contact them and get to know them.
Like I said, perhaps they wont be happy at first, but as they get older and turn into adults, they'll appreciate having the siblings they have, and having the family they have.
I also think about when the time comes for you to have grandchildren.. They'd want to meet their uncles and aunts. And for your future grandchildren it wont matter at all how these aunts and uncles came to be, they'll love them all the same. And I think they'd miss out on something great if they never got to know they had it: family.
Perhaps you should tell your children first. And then after you see how they react you could decide if you will tell the ex wife or not. Perhaps your children will want to keep it secret from her, who knows. In either case, I feel this is slightly irrelevant for your ex wife. Nothing in her life will change knowing about the other women, and the other children aren't related to her. It'll just hurt her feelings, and now you're divorcing anyway, so what good would it do anyway to be honest now? In her case I think it might be better to just keep it hidden. She doesn't need to know.
But your children need to know... It's their family too, after all. I think everyone deserves the chance to get to know their family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): If you want to confess your sins do so with a priest and stop being so selfish as to think you're doing the right thing by getting things off your chest when all you're going to do is hurt them.
I'm sorry OP, but religious people are just so self-centred, this is all about you, all about getting rid of your guilt and not giving a shit how it will effect them.
If you really want to atone for your actions then let them live on without knowing how much of a douche you were, let them respect and love your memory not spoil that by telling them your dirty secrets.
If I were in your position I'd take those secrets to the grave, why? Because I'd want to protect them. I'd earned that guilt OP why would I selfishly want to burden them with it too just to erase that guilt, it'll only add to your guilt when they realize you were not only selfish back then, but now enacting the greatest form of selfishness and telling them something that may have a profoundly negative effect on your life because you feel the need to unburden yourself.
Well fuck that OP, you don't get to get off that easy and use god's name to hurt others for your own selfish needs. Confess to a pastor or priest, be absolved in the eyes of your god but protect your family from this and don't hurt them just so you can have an easy life. That's what you have been doing and now you want to do it again?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Here's one way to handle such a complex, complicated and potentially heartbreaking matter....
Write a letter to you wife and kids.... Pour out your guts as you did in this submittal.... BEG for their forgiveness (which you don't deserve, as you (already) know)..... then, take the letter and put it with your will.
Upon your demise (death) that letter will be part of your will.... and will reveal this "real" you that you were so unable to expose during your life....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): This would make for a great Dr. Phil show. What a mess.
I really think you should seek professional counseling to guide you on how to handle all this. The damage is done, many, many years worth of countless wrong doings and very few consequences.
I agree with one poster who suggested writing it all down first. That might be very helpful for you to sort it all out. Just make sure you understand what you are doing is helping you, not them. You know they will not react in your favor and they will have many mixed emotions including hate and disgust, which will make things even harder for them because you are not in good health.
You have created a lot of blood lines and what all these kids intend on doing with this information and how they decide to have each other in their lives is anyone's guess, but in the end it will be up to them.
I just hope that you do follow through and make sure everyone is aware of what your choices have created. You can slip away and leave this earth with these secrets, but eventually they will come out. The most honorable final act would be selfless and for all of their well being, not yours and what exactly that is, I am not sure...and is why I think counseling to sort that out would be in your best interest...spiritually or medically, whichever, just get it done.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (22 March 2013):
I think you are set to do more harm than good and that you will have to accept that the burden of guilt is part of the life you have led. Confess to a priest or similar and talk it through with them rather than dropping these bombshells on your family. Doing that won't solve anything and if won't affect whether you go to heaven or not, if that is an issue for you.
I wish you well and hope you find peace.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 March 2013):
Dear OP,
I don't think it really matters how you say this, there just IS no simple and easy way to make a confession like this. It will be awkward, painful and sad anyway.
So, don't think about the best time to approach her or the best way to tell her. There is no good time for something like this and no best way.
Just sit down and start. Say it like it is, like you told us. That you want to find the lord and confess your wrongdoings and that there are some things she should know.
Maybe you can also write this confession down in a letter first. You don't have to send it, but maybe it helps you to sort out your thoughts and feelings.
Also, the lord might forgive you, but you can't expect the same thing from her. Accept if her grief is too big.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Once you've said sorry to God, you are completely forgiven. Other people may not be so forgiving and will probably be very angry, but God knows everything and you have no need to carry round any more guilt or condemnation because He doesn't condemn you.
You need to be completely open with people and tell them how sorry you are. Be prepared for a hostile reaction. Don't try to justify what you did. Just tell them you know it was wrong and you are sorry.
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