A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend about 10 months ago and he lives about and hour and a half away. I spend all my free time with him..which is every saturday and days during the week... and love him very much. he asked me to move six months after dateing and I dont feel ready to move yet. This has been a constant argument with him, and I am always being accused of not loving him enough and get "If you really loved me you would have moved by now". I dont know what to do, he has become so angry with me and is making me miserable about how I feel. What is the best way to deal with this situation? He blames all the unrelated arguments on me not committing to do this right now Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): He is being childish and emotionally blackmailing you so he can get his way. This is not about love, this is about him not being able to deal with it when he doesn't get his way.
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Again.. having power over other person... If you love me you will do this" such a crazy mentality, can you believe that. so funny".. couple comes together to love to respect each other NOT to RULE the partner. He is starting to see how far his power can work on you ha" well if you let him, then he will get use to it. So its up to you to decide if you are going to allow it. I wish you made a right choice.. i wish you good luck anyway...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I agree, he's being way to pushy and manipulative and controlling. It bothers me that he is blaming you for all of your arguments and fights.
That is a character trait that he isn't going to be able to change on his own without therapy and even then he may not be able to change. He sounds too dependent and needy which is not good either....he may even have a personality disorder which makes it impossible for him to accept blame for anything and he will constantly chip away at your self esteem to keep you from leaving him for someone he fears is better.
These are all Relationship Red Flags. Read my article here on DC and if he has even half of what's on that very long least, you definately want to end the relationship now before you become damaged. I have been there done that, it is not easy to reclaim your heart and your spirit after being emotionally and verbally abused by a personality disordered man.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Next time he starts the "if you really loved me" crap give it back to him
"If you really loved me you would understand me and if you really loved me you would give me as much time as I needed before I took this big step and if you really loved me you would not blame by reticence on my lack of love for you and if you really loved me you would not be harrassing me"
If he doesnt get it then, do as caring guy says and move on. He doesnt really love you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 March 2010):
Seriously, leave him. This is controlling behaviour before you've even moved in. Imagine what will happen when you do move in! He'll be telling you what you can do, what clothes to wear, where you can go, what friends you can have (if any). Yo're not ready, and rather than respect that, he's trying to guilt trip you into moving in. He's now blaming all the arguments on you! And you've only been going out ten months! This is doomed! You can do better. The fact is a man who loves you wouldn't treat you so badly. He'd respect you. Leave him.
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