A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating a girl for about 2 years. A few weeks ago, she told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore because she wanted to go out and learn about her self, not date anyone exclusively right now, and "enjoy the single life". However, she says that she still loves me and wants to be with me in the end. She says that she was/is really happy with me and wants to settle down with me in the end of it all. We had even looked at rings and I had started making arrangements to get her a ring that I knew she loved.She says that she isn't going out and pursuing or looking for anything else, just rolling with what happens and doesn't want to be restricted by anything. She's been on one ok/bad date, and another date with a guy that is very much like me and she has since hung out with, held hands, cuddled, and made out with him.She knows that she is hurting me, but says that it will just make us closer in the end. If she loves me so much and really wants to be with me:1) Why is she doing this to me/us? If you love someone as much as she says she does me, should she be knowingly hurting me?2) Should she be making out with and/or thinking about being sexually involved with them or anyone else? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it is done. Thanks for the advice and replies. It really helped :-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): She is using you has Plan B. Forget her and move on.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Your girl says she loves you, which might be true. But she doesn't want a committed relationship to you. At least not right now. I personally would ignore what she has said about you two getting closer from this and being together at the end. It is not going to happen. And IF it happens, it is not something either you or her can decide, just like that. She wants out, and she is getting out. Her reasons are probably legitimate: she wants to explore the world and other men.
Personally, I wouldn't count on your getting back together. Explain to her that she must stop fooling herself and you. She has broken up. Finito. Done. No more you and her. She is dating other men and is moving on. She is now your ex. So whatever she says about being together with you and loving you... let it slide, don't listen to it. The best thing to do is move on and get over her.
She wants you on the side as a back-up plan in case she changes her mind, that is why she tells you these things, to ensure that YOU will wait for her (even though she clearly isn't willing to wait for you) and to ensure that you will stay in love with her, so that if she ever feels like it she can go right back to the comfort of your arms.
So to answer question number 1: no, if you love someone as much as she claims, you will want to be with them, not other men. She loves you, no doubt, but she doesn't love you in the kind of way that will make her want to be with you for the rest of her life
2: She should be making out with other men and being sexual with them only when she is single, which is right now. She has moved on.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (8 July 2010):
 forgettabout her... your a put on her strings wise up
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 July 2010):
I think you're Plan B. If things with this other guy don't work out, she might well come back to you then dump you again. You're absolutely right. If she did love you, this just wouldn't be an issue. It just wouldn't. As it is, she's been out with other guys and kissed and hugged other guys. She's not worth another second of your time. And it won't make you closer in the end. It will drive you away, and leave her to do what she wants. You're being kept around like some lap dog. That needs to stop now. You can do better than a woman who is so obviously hurting you, and just claims that 'it will bring us closer'. It won't. You need to end it, cut all contact and move on from her. Find a woman who does love you, and is willing to commit. Don't be her safety net for the rest of your life while she's off having her cake and eating it. Get rid of her. Whilst I agree with Strongfp on nearly all his comments, I do disagree that these other guys are rebounds. I think you're the rebound for when these others don't work out. And I don't think she misses you until something goes wrong. She knows what she's doing, she knows she's hurting you, and she doesn't care about it. Totally unreliable, and a woman who doesn't deserve your time.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Hun, sorry that you are going thru this right now, but from what I read here, your gf is out 'shopping' to see if there is someone better out there for her.
She seems to want you there as a back-up if things dont go as well as she wants them to, and honestly, that is NOT FAIR.
I think that its time to reconsider this relationship, because if she really loved you and wanted to marry you then she should be with you not going out on dates with other guys.
And no, I disagree with her - hurting you will not make your relationship better with her in the end. The only person having fun will be her, and she is content to do so while she knows that you are waiting on the side to pick up the crumbs that she is willing to throw at you.
Honeygirl
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