A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you know that a relationship is not going to last then why do you bother? I've been with my boyfriend for 6 mths, he's 22, so 4yrs older than me. We come from different racial backgrounds. My parents do not agree with my relationship but I'm still going through with it.However, it seems that he's getting a little distant with me. I don't know whether it's because I don't tell him what I feel for him. Do men need reassurance with your words? I know that our sex life is more than fine so it can't be that. He knows that I may have to marry a guy of my own race and when I asked him what he felt about that, he said he didn't like it very much, but it's more of a "future thing". He asked me the same thing and I said I didn't feel anything. He told me my answer hurt him. I also asked if he thinks I have a problem expressing my feelings and he said "yes". Is this the reason for his distance even though we have sex on a regular basis? Is there any point in this relationship? We rarely go out anywhere, and in the last 5 mths it has been to either his house or the cinema. His reasons are he's "tired". He's promised me that things will get better but all I find is that I have to wait. Please help! I don't know whether I should just hang in there until he changes his ways and has more time for me. I say that because of his broken promises. His words just don't mean as much to me and it's forced me to have a 'whatever' attitude to 'whatever' he says. SO... any advice will be great. Thnx
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Well, why do you bother? The post is not exactly flowing with love and heartache.
I am almost getting the idea you are in the relationship to spite your racist parents and that is it. "Oh look mom/dad I am fucking a *******, ain't I bad"
This becomes even clearer when you say you may have to marry someone of your own race. Well since in 2008 in england nobody could be forced to marry anyone doesn't this really mean you want this yourselve and are only dating out of your own race to spite your family?
Where is the word love?
You could be from a strict muslim/hindu background I suppose but then your parents would hardly allow this relationship if they were planning to force a marriage on you. Anyway, that would be religion, not race.
So, why are you in this relationship and who exactly is forcing you into a same race marriage?
A
male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (23 March 2008):
Guys and gals are not as different as people make out when you look underneath the surface. Guys have feelings just the same as women, of cause it isnt macho to admit it and they rarely talk about them to their mates but that doesnt mean they dont exist.
There is nothing ultimately wrong with a relationship that is going to end, you can enjoy each others company for its duration however both parties have to sign up for this and agree to it. Unfortunately even if that is how things start off (no strings attached/ friends with added benefits etc) one side can start developing feelings.
It does sound as if you do not share his feelings and that he doesnt want a casual relationship. It would be unfair for you to encourage him or give him hope that there is a long term life for the relationship when clearly you dont feel there is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): Do you love this guy or are you just in the relationship because you can be?
Don't take this the wrong way, but he seems to like you a lot, and if you don't like him in the same way... is there really any point in the relatioship. He said that your response hurt him so obviosly he feels more for you then you do for him.
Maybe you should jst talk about whats happening between you.
- Lozz
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