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female
,
anonymous
writes: I was in a relationship for four years, absolutely adored the guy until I found he cheated on me and threw him out. When we were together everything seemed perfect as I am a very caring individual. Well six months later he's contacted me saying he wants to see me again. The thing is he doesn't want to see me as a 'girlfriend' but just casual and not seeing other people. I asked why he didn't want a girlfriend and his response was 'they do my head in!'. Well I'm not impressed at all.He apologised for his behaviour and his cheating and now he just wants me for a no strings sexual relationship. What do I do? because deep down I still really love him. But I know this scenario is not for me, I have given him the ultimatum of girlfriend/commitment or nothing. Do you think he will see things my way or is he just trying it on? Very confused.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Sometimes when you love someone you want anything that person can give you as you don't want to lose them completely but if it's not what you want you need to stand your ground because all the time he can just get what he wants from you he will never re-commit to you as he get what he wants from you still leaving himself open to meet other people and be free to do what he wants.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Hi, I just wanted to say I am in a similar position. I know how hard it is to say no to someone you love, when all you want it that person to want you back fully. I think if you let yourself be used, and he is using you, you will eventually tire of it. It does your confidence and self esteem no good and just drags you down.
I would say if you can tell him how you feel and that you only want to see him if he can give you what you need. This is what I am planning on doing next time i see my bloke. If he really wants you he will find a way of being what you want, if he doesnt really care all that much, then heck, why would you want to go out with him anyway. We deserve to be loved properly and without all the hardwork that seems to be coming with these men who want no commitment.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): You didn't say how old the two of you are. It sounds to me like he is selfish, and immature, and does not want a relationship because that would involve putting your needs ahead of his own. If you feel you love him what would you gain by taking yourself off the dating market to receive only part of a relationship? He just wants to use you for sex because he likes that part about you, but maybe is either not ready for love or just is not that into you. My guess is that you may not even really love him but think you do because of the painfull feelings that waiting for him are bringing up for you...pain does not equal love, but sometimes love does bring up painful feelings. I would try telling him how you feel, and what you need from him, that casual sex is only a tease of what your relationship could be, and then break up with him for a period of time...let him miss you and work for the relationship that you want from him...and in the mean time fill your calendar with dates with other men and girlfriends, and activities that take your mind off of him.
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A
female
reader, Soulprincess +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Frist of all why would you even think of being his friend. I can tell by what your saying that he frist of all doesn't respect you and doesn't really cares about you. If truly did he wouldn't be using you he would be trying to make you smile and happy. What upsets me the most is that you are not respecting yourself by allowing him to use you sexually. I recommend you to be around people who truly care about you and love you so that can help you learn how to value yourself as a person and best of all as a Women. Never think it's too late to respect your body find a guy that loves you for who you are and not your body. Try dating someone without having to get interacting sexually, but just enjoy knowing each other. Try going to church so that you can be a better person and learn that you have purpose in your life so that you can find your true self before you try to find someone else. I hope that helped you, but just remember that no one can help better than God. Beacause Jesus loves you! Your as important to him as his own life.
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A
reader, psychic1 +, writes (26 September 2006):
Deep down you know the answer to this one don't you? Yes he is thinking of himself ONLY, not you, if he really cared for you he would have left you alone to meet someone you loves you & wouldnt cheat on you.It would be different if he was coming back saying he had made a dreadful mistake & you are his 'one & only'.But he's not, he's saying, whoops, sorry about that,but I can't give up other women, & just so you know Im not going out with you as a girlfreind, that way I don't owe you anything & don't have to feel guilty when I do it again. Make a stand now like you have & vow to walk away from men like this always as they never change. You sound like such a sweet girl,save yourself for someone who really deserves your love, because this loser doesent.Good luck!!!!
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