A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Readers,I need some advice please.I have been in contact with a guy in Sydney over the last 2 and a half years. The contact to be honest has mainly involved pics and phone sex, a little bit of chat about life etc although to begin with he did communicate to me more so without the conversation being purely sexual.I do feel like I am very attracted to him but have decided over the last couple of days and told him that I would like to stop the Skype stuff etc as I felt it was too frustrating doing things but not being able to do the real deal if you get my drift.He has a full-time job and apparently has a high income and I am on a pension. He is aware of this. I told him that I am more than happy to contact him when I am in Sydney but felt that it was pointless in contining this without meeting him. I also told him that I was not currently in a financial position to come over as I would have to increase my credit card debt to come over. His reply was that if that was what I wanted in no more contact until we meet that maybe we could meet if or when I come to Sydney. I have told him in the past that i would come over but have been a bit hesitant as he has told me in the past that I couldn't stay at his house and that I should get a hotel. Over the last couple of weeks he has called me and said that he was serious about things and that I could stay at his house for 5 nights after I got a hotel for the initial first 2 nights. He also said that he was concerned that I had done something to hurt myself as he tried to call me for five consecutive days 3 or more times a day but I wasn't contactable as I had to go to a Clinic to address my current anxiety and depression due to the crisis I have had to deal with in my life.Anyway I have been thinking do the readers out there think it would be reasonable for me to ask this guy considering he is supposedly serious about wanting to meet me if he could meet me half way with the airfare to Sydney and for me to stay at his place to avoid hotel costs?I think that this is a reasonable request and if he says no I believe this will reveal that he is not that serious about meeting me at all and was simply just looking for free internet and phone sex and possibly could have just used me up in a hotel in Sydney for sex for the first two nights and I may have never gotten to his house? I do not want to be taken for a ride again as have been down that one way street in the past.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 If he is financially so well off and he knows you are NOT, then he should be making his way out to YOU if he is serious (and putting himself up in a hotel).
Or, he should be meeting halfway where the two of you have your OWN room and take care of your own expenses.
Or, he should be putting you up in a hotel during a short visit in Sydney.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Hello. Well first of all if he is on an extreamly high income then why cannot he not fly out to you ? it only seems more intelligent that if he is as rich as he says he is he could come to you instead.
But yes it is a good idea to see if he might help with the costs of things if he really wants to see you im sure it won't be a problem.
I take it there isnt anything seriouse between you two and your just meeting for sex ? i know you have probably heard this one hundred times before but do be careful make sure you know wht his intentions are because many scenrios like this one have gone so wrong in the past and i wouldnt advise you ever flying to another country to meet a man for sex who you have just seen on the internet (But thats me )
Also why is he not keen ( in the past)with you staying at his house are you sure he does not have a wife or anything ?
Anyway do be careful, and make sure this guy is all he makes out he is as it is so easy to lie on the internet as im sure you know.
And as for him taking you for a ride ? you both are just looking for sex right and is that all he ses he wants ? because i wont lie to you but it does just sound like he is only intrested in the whole sexual aspect of it so yes he is more or less just using you for sex.
Please do be careful good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): I am really sorry to have to say this... but it doesn't sound like this guy really wants any kind of relationship. Either he's just not in the right place for one, or he has other ties, or he simply likes no-strings-attached phone sex.
In the new world of internet intimacy, it's possible to think that we feel all kinds of connection and bond to another person. It's possible to feel that someone really 'knows us', to create an ideal image of one's partner, and to become even a bit obsessed with it all. And sometimes that's a genuine feeling. But it can also be a way for people to evade real contact with others, and there is a chance of deception and hurt developing - either when someone intentionally deceives, or when they turn out to have feet of clay.
The fact that this guy is prepared to see you suffer financial hardship to meet him rings alarm bells for me. He should at very least be offering (without being prompted) to meet you half way. I don't believe that someone who genuinely cared about you would take this attitude. His reluctance to bring you into his home is also suspicious. Your anxiety and depression make you quite vulnerable right now, and I am concerned that he is not telling you the whole truth, or is trying to use you for his own purposes without really thinking about your feelings.
Honestly, I know it's a wrench, but I think you would be happier and healthier if you didn't meet him.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (27 July 2011):
 I think that this is a reasonable request and if he says no I believe this will reveal that he is not that serious about meeting me at all and was simply just looking for free internet and phone sex and possibly could have just used me up in a hotel in Sydney for sex for the first two nights and I may have never gotten to his house? I do not want to be taken for a ride again as have been down that one way street in the past...I TOTALLY AGREE!!!
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