A
male
age
30-35,
*afa
writes:So my girlfriend was sexually abused at the age of 13. Anyway, her and I were thinking of taking things to the next level. She says that she feels bad cuz she isn't a virgin cuz of what happened to her.I was just wondering if she is still considered a virgin or not? I think she is but she believes othewise.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): My girlfriend was abused from an early age, as long as she hasn't done anything consensual I still consider her a virgin though. I strongly dislike the idea that any kind of predator could in any way steal that from her. I think it is time to redefine what technically makes someone a virgin.
A
female
reader, the_hidden_key  +, writes (1 December 2010):
I know everyone has answered this
But i just wanna share
My boyfriend thinks that i am still a virgin, because yes i have had sex (been sexually abused as a child/along with being raped numerous times) but because i didnt choose it, i didnt want it, it was not a good experience for me, then yes i am a virgin
and so is she
you have to give it and want it and sex should be something very special
be very gentle and if when it does happen and she says no because she gets scared then stop,
things have to be at her pace
i just wanted to add that on to everyone else's lol :)
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A
male
reader, Rafa +, writes (30 November 2010):
Rafa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers everyone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): your still the first and only person she's willing to give her body too, shes mentally and emotionally still a virgin..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I am a virgin and it's very important to me to date a virgin woman too. But I do not think sexual abuse counts in any way. It's not the same thing as being an adult and choosing to share that part of yourself with someone else willingly.
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A
male
reader, KissPEPPER +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I agree 100% with Cerberus
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I was sexually abused as a child at the age of 12 and yes she is still a virgin, no matter what happened. I know from first hand experience how hard it is and how bad she feels, but she is still a virgin, because what happened was done to her, not something she did herself. Anyone who says that she isn't is a complete idiot who has obviously never been anything so traumatic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Virginity has to be given it can't be taken.
You know virginity is a bullshit concept anyway. We humans made it up so we can make our rules. I mean we don't make a big fuss over the first time we eat pizza or the first time we watch a movie.
My rules are that a virgin is someone who has not yet given themselves willingly and completely sexually to another person. It cannot be taken. If it was the act of penetration then lots of women would have lost their virginity to tampons or fingers. If the having a hymen then lots of women would have been born non virgins or lost it to bicycles.
If you believe she is then she is, that's that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Medically and physically, she is technically not a virgin because she was penetrated by a man's penis, to put it rather bluntly. The stark definition doesn't allow for willingness or situation in which it happens.
However, in every other way, she *is* still a virgin since she has never freely given herself to a man. I know that she will feel bad regardless of the fact that the monster who did this to her stole her virginity and therefore the shame should be on him.
In short, you are both correct.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): If she was raped then no she isn't a virgin. I would be patient with your girlfriend as she's been through a horrific experience.
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Technically she is not a virgin, as she has been penetrated by a penis, but emotionally - which is what REALLY matters - she is.
She is ready to commit to you her most precious gift, her virginity, willingly and with pleasure. That is a whole universe away from the situation she was in and she ought to forget it; it doesn't count.
Ivan.
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