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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I used to be a pretty positive person but within this past year i've become increasingly negative with regards to relationships and guys.I think the thing that really pushed me over the edge was a guy i liked, who knew i liked him, asked if we could have some "fun". This friend has a girlfriend so i never flirted with him or anything else since he's been with her. I told him it wouldn't be fair if we did that. He asked why. He asked why! Since when is it ok to sleep with girls behind your girlfriends back?I know he's just one guy and there are probably other guys who wouldn't act like him but i've heard so many people say they have been cheated on. Some of these women knowingly date these guys even though he has a reputation.Even worse, there's these women who, i don't want to sound mean, are totally oblivious to their boyfriends goings on. Are they really that blind?Like this friend i said about. He has a reputation, she's been with him over a year and he's cheated on her at least once but she's just oblivious. Is she just a bit dense or in denial or something?I've heard women say that other women always know when they are being cheated on but i beg to differ.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): "Even worse, there's these women who, i don't want to sound mean, are totally oblivious to their boyfriends goings on. Are they really that blind?"So, what do you say about a husband who is watching the children, to give his stay at home wife a break from the day, while she goes shopping and runs errands...whose wife was having sex with another man in their home and hiring baby sitters to meet her lover while the husband was at work and uses the time he is watching the children to have sex with her lover?Look, the more you trust someone, the more you make yourself vulnerable to them, and the more blindsided you can be to this.Trust is blind, really, it is. Hard fact, hard to accept, but that is the problem.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 No you certainly don't always know. Many cheaters (women & men) are also very good liars. It's a "survival" mechanism.
And GOOD for you to tell him go fly a kite! He most likely will try with another girl, and another til he finds one with lower morals. And hopefully his GF will see him for what he is.. a HE-whore.
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 no women do not always know their man is cheating on them unless they are constantly watching him 24/7, and in the real world that doesn't happen. Many women chose to be with a guy even though he has a reputation, because sometimes they think that they are the women, who can change all that. Some are right and some are very wrong.
Some women know that thier man is cheating on them, and chose to block it from their minds, because they have kids or they think they cannot find someone else. And basically these women need to get a backbone and stand up for themselves and leave. The motto once a cheater always a cheater applies in a good number of men however there are men out there that have cheated once, and would never do it again..
Men do it because its available to them, they sometimes don't think at the time, who it may affect in the long run and it seems to me that your firends partner has obviously done it before, otherwise he wouldn't be trying it so close to home. However you were totally right in declining his offer.. He has the cheek to go behind your friends back and ask you, knowing quite possibly that you could easily tell your friend the truth. Stay clear from this man, he's trouble. Your friend will eventually find out sooner or later what he has been up to, however i wouldn't be the one to tell her, because he may be a good liar and put the blame on you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Why are you friends with a guy that cheats anyways? Try to keep better company!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): YouWish is right but she left out another possibility.
Some women are just so in love with the guy they believe him when he says he didn't. Even when a guy is known to have by others he can still explain it by saying that person hates them or has an agenda. Even when they know he's been known to cheat they trust him when he says he's changed or different now because so badly want to believe it's true.
Belief is a very powerful thing, especially among women. Women have a far more sensual and spiritual nature than men. If they really want to believe something they will despite all the evidence pointing to contrary. They could have 20 women tell them their boyfriend slept with them and of they want to believe their boyfriends words instead they'll ignore it. I mean there are women out there that would believe their partner if he told them that the other woman stole his sperm to make that baby and he didn't know anything about it.
They don't always know, some might even never find out.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 November 2010):
 It's not true that women always know. Guys can cheat for years until something trips them up, and something eventually does. Some women see the evidence and choose to live in denial about their significant others' double life because facing it would be too painful.
You did the right thing in refusing to be this guy's plaything, and I'm sure you must be breathing a sigh of relief in knowing that you could be his girlfriend's shoes and being cheated on by a guy with zero character.
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