A
male
age
36-40,
*er1983
writes:I have being going out with my girlfriend for three and half years and she has really made me very happy we get on so well. Only thing is when I met her she was 12stone. Since we got together she has given up on staying fit and she eats way too much mostly take aways she is now 18stone she says it doesn't matter as no other fellas will be looking at her. She does not get done up for nights out anymore and has really left herself go. I still love her but don't fancy her as much if at all have started looking at other women but don't want to cheat. What should I do tell her or look beyond the weight and be with her because she makes me happy. Also I am worried about her health. I would love to have one or two children but if she keeps gaining weight now after children she could be twice as worst. Hope I don't sound horrible. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, drastic knowledge  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 you need to be talking to her about this and how you feel
your still looking at her and even thow you love her and look beyond her wieght you worry for her heathy and also you shouldnt be forced to let her self go she should be keeping her self up for you and if she had kids with you a differnt story but there not even here yet
maybe try asking her to go to the gym with you
good luck
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 you are right to worry. it does seem dastic that she has put on all the that weight. like surgarbuns says it could be gentic when you first meet her she was 12stone which is fine. but it is hard to keep the weight off dieting and going to the gym can be hard if you live a busy lifestyle. or maybe she could be stressed so she is comfort eating or she is bored. whatever it is get her to see her doctor there is always a good healthy plan to fit whatever lifestyle. and yes sometimes just ignoring the weight a love her for who she is, is a good idea if you don't want to hurt her feelings but if you are looking at other women because you don't fancy her anymore there is a problem. talk to her about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): It never ceases to amaze me how many women let themselves go after they get married - which isn't to say that men don't either, but the women always seem to double their weight whereas the men seem to stop washing their armpits. Your trouble is you're not even married yet!
You're right to be worried about her health, if she continues to pile on the pounds she'll become morbidly obese - which is to say that eventually she'll eat herself to death. Her heart won't be able to cope and eventually it will stop beating.
It's good that you still love her for what she is, after all, it's what's inside that counts, not what she looks like, but I can well understand what you are going through because I've been there myself. Twice.
Get her to see her doctor to make sure there's no thyroid problems or anything else that may be causing her weight gain. She'll know it's not good for her, but perhaps a little jolt from ther medical profession might just make her re-assess the contents of the fridge or the fish & chip shop.
Phil
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A
female
reader, catastrophic +, writes (3 October 2007):
 You need to tell her! You can't just keep it quiet else it will make things worse.
You need to also be extreamly carefull how you do it though.
Say that you are starting to worry about the weight she is gaining, but also tell her how much you love her, and that you will always be there to support her through it.
It's probably what she wants to hear anyway.
Say that you want her to be healthy, and also try to find out if there is reason for her binging.
It sounds like she may have something on her mind that she needs to get out!
Sit down, have a long talk, tell her how much you care. And see what happens.
I really hope it all works out for you, and hope my advice has helped a little!!!
:)
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): She needs to take care of herself for her own health... If you really love her you may need to stick it out while she comes around, in the meantime you can try to influence her... Go for walks as dates, or go on bike rides, go swimming, etc. Try to get exercise with her... Maybe take her for ballroom dancing lessons or something. If you havent already, join a gym for yourself- seeing you take care of yourself may motivate her to follow your lead. Make her a healthy picnic, take her to healthy resteraunts, cook her healthy meals, etc, etc. Don't be forceful or rude about it, try and do it in a sweet way so you don't hurt her feelings.
If she is unwilling to take care of herself and you feel tempted to cheat, don't. It would be better for you to break up with her than to hurt her with an affair.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 If she is already having difficulty keeping her weight at a healthy level, it could be genetic. Are her parents heavy and other siblings too? Maybe if you focus on the health aspect, you'll inspire her to eat better. Lead by example. Don't offer to go to McDonald's and then expect her to order a salad. I don't know if you have a few pounds to lose yourself, but if so, you could make it a joint effort for you to both eat more healthy and take better care of yourselves. Also, you may want to start planning activities together that involve exercise. It could be that her metabolism is slowing down a bit(it does in your 20's anyhow) and needs to be jump-started with activity to keep the calories from piling up. Try bike-riding, roller-blading, anything that makes you sweat and perhaps she'll enjoy the activity and it'll help her lose a little weight. Talk to her about health issues. There may be some things that actually run in her family, such as heart disease, strokes, diabetes. If so, she's setting herself up for problems down the road. She won't be 20-something forever. If she develops good habits now, it will be much easier to manage weight fluctuations later in life. The thing you don't want to do, is harp on her. And don't make her think you're watching every bite she puts into her mouth. That will surely make her rebellious and defiant. Occasionally mention someone you know who had a heart attack at a very young age, due to being over weight. Sometimes mentioning things you worry about as you get older might get her thinking along those lines. But be subtle. It's going to take time to change her eating habits. And be sure you praise her when she does lose a few pounds, just tell her she looks sexy, don't make it all about the weight-loss Be creative. Tell her you love her smaller waistline, or the way you can see her curves now. Maybe even buy her something sexy to wear so she feels good about her progress. If you can motivate her to want to lose weight, she may need to enroll in some programs like Nutrisystems or something, to help her out. Dieting alone can be really difficult and sometimes you don't know where the hidden calories are at in what you're eating every day. I wish you the best.
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