A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've never used one of these sites before but I have a question that's driving me crazy ill give a little background first I'm 25 and have been with my boyfriend 9 years weve been working and travelling for the last two years around Asia the south Pacific and Europe. We've been home a month now and are living with our parents and working while we save for... I'm not quite sure at the moment. Our relationship is great we get on so well our sex life is great and he is the sweetest guy. We rarely argue because we're great at talking and empathising with each other, weve never had jealousy issues on either side I honestly couldn't ask for a better guy. The problem is travelling is out of my system now the thought of travelling and comming back to nothing feels me with dread Im ready to think about the future seriously and I love my new job it's the first career I've had not just an odd jobhe also has a great job which he really enjoys. My bf on the hand wants to go again when we have enough money saved. We've had a serious onversation about it and he says his future is with me and he loves me to much to ever go without me and we can travel in more of a yearly holiday sense. I love him for it but I'm terrified. I never want to stop him doing anything he wants and never want him to resent me I see my e tire future when I look at him too. I havnt gave him an ultimatum he just said he loves travelling because it's with me so would never want to go without meI feel like I have unwittingly given him an ultimatum which I really don't want to. I feel selfish like I'm stopping him because he's ready to not go for me but I can't imagine going again. He told me his future is me and he's ready for a house too. I'm just so scared that he'll regret it. Do you think he is actually happy to sort of settle down a bit is it inevitable that one day he'll resent me. Thanks for your help
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 It sounds like he is willing to compromise, I don't see the problem. I understand you feel like you are holding him back from travelling, but you are not, he has said he wants to settle with you. Don't stress about these things, as things like this will come up in relationships.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): Hi are you sure you didn't post a question a few weeks ago about wanting to get engaged? It was written just as yours is but aren't you a bit younger?.Anyway if your saving for a deposit and your bf is proposing to travel in a yearly holiday sense (presumably for a few weeks) I don't see a problem. Mortgages in the UK cost 10s of thousands but a few weeks holiday costs 100s, especially if your travelling light. You can do both.Is this all because you are desperate to get married and move in with him? While he wants to save and then buy a property first and take it slower. If so then yes you are right that if you force him to commit to you earlier than he wants to he may a) say no and you'll split up or b) agree then resent you. Don't forget men mature later than women. I know as both my sons are your age, neither is contemplating marriage. Never make an ultimatum unless you are prepared to live with the consequences.You've only been back from travelling a month so why not let the dust settle. I suggest you go back and make a proper savings plan with him so you know where you stand and hopefully it will put your mind at rest.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 October 2016):
 We would all love to spend our lives just doing what we love. Sadly life is not like that and the majority of us have to compromise and leave the stuff we love as "special treats". He sounds like he is willing to compromise; it's you who sounds to have the problem with this. Why would you think he will resent you when he has already offered to leave the travelling as a holiday activity? Surely this is the perfect compromise? Look on it as the "luxury you can't do without" and make sure you save up for regular trips. That way your boyfriend will get his "fix" and be happy, and you won't need to be "coming back to nothing" as you will also have jobs and, hopefully, a home of your own to return to.Good luck. You sound to have found a wonderful partner. Don't ruin things by overthinking. Relationships often involve a lot of compromise and most issues can be sorted out with a little give and take on both sides.
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