A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My ex boyfriend was very controlling and so he would count to minute how long I was gone with my friends, even in afternoonMy boyfriend now, and just as an example I texted him yesterday to let him know I was going to get sushi with my friends and I would be a while and he said "no need to check in, you are independent lady, just have a great time, Miss you, see you when you get here" But why does this feel strange and a bit off, if he really missed me would he be that relaxed? Am I reacting to past?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2015):
 it feels off because it's NOT what you are USED to.
it's actually very healthy and normal. learn to enjoy it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2015):
 You are "conditioned" by your ex to think it's "normal" that you need to constantly give updates as to where you are, who you are with and what you are doing.
He did this out of mistrust, insecurities (his own) and to try and control you, like Maverick said. It didn't come from a LOVING perspective at all.
So NOW you have a new BF, who obviously trusts you to think for yourself, and he is giving you a bit of privacy as well. And yes, you ARE allowed to have some privacy in a relationship. He is GLAD that you are out with friends having fun, because it makes YOU happy! And he wants you to be happy.He sees himself as your partner not your "owner", parent or "jailer".
So yes, your NEW BF is perfectly normal.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 December 2015):
The way your ex treated you was abusive and you've come to see it as the norm. It is not. Your ex treated you like property. Your current boyfriend is treating you like an equal, like someone who deserves a great time without having else someone controlling them. That's how relationships are supposed to work.
So don't worry, you're doing great.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 December 2015):
 You feel off because you are not used to the peacefulness of a normal relationship. Yes, you can miss someone and feel relaxed. There's deep trust that an independent person does not go cheat when they are out. What you had with your ex was not love. He was probably reacting to past and trying to control your life.
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