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age
30-35,
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writes: After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my friends/making jokes etc. My therapist has said to do as many things that scare me as possible. I wanted to introduce myself The one girl a year below me who I think is the cutest in the school. When I finally found her, she and her friends were tending to her friend who was drunk/vomiting. I got him water(I knew him previously) and made sure he was ok, then introduced myself to her. I felt proud for a split second.The rest of the night nothing ocurred. At the train station I was holding my friends pizza for her and one of her friends said "Why are you holding her pizza? Are you her gay best friend?" I have nothing against anyone gay. I have gay friends who are great people. I was just insulted that my lack in ability to get with women made her think I'm gay. I know I'm not the first choice when a woman looks at me and other guys. I'm shorter,have less sexual experience, and dont have the charm that so many players I know have.I feel like my options are just quitting and dying alone or keep trying and get more depressed. I've had a girlfriend, dated 4/5 girls, got almost all the way with my ex, made out with 1 other girl and kissed another. I've been at therapy for 6+ months now and all its created is the possibility that I'm actually not able to have an attractive phase.I dont want to meet just the next girl and hope shes the right one because she wont, and my level of sexual experience is embarassing. I've been working for years at this and cant find a solution. How much self improvement, social skill practice, attempts does it take to get good? I want to be at a place where women wouls be in abundance, I have someone to date and if not there are options to date.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 "I was just insulted that my lack in ability to get with women made her think I'm gay."
How can your lack of ability to get with women make her think you are gay? It's not written on your forehead, there's no way anyone would think you are gay because of this, because HOW exactly to you judge that, lol. It's impossible. She was asking if you are her gay friend because you were being nice to your friend. And I guess women are used to men trying to work them when they're drunk, and instead of being a jerk you were being friendly. Which is a good thing, trust me. This person who said that is obviously an idiot (and a homophobe too), and not someone you need to impress. You don't need that sort of people around, so screw her. Anyway, she was probably drunk, and you really should not put too much emphasis on what a drunk person says.
Keep talking to women, and try to interpret situations differently. There is always three-six ways to interpret any situation, don't jump to thinking the worst immediately.
You say you've worked on this for years, so time to make the next step. Introduce yourself, check, done that and you're doing it well. Next step: keep in touch. Find her on facebook. Ask her if he's alright and then ask on a date. Do not wait too long after making an introduction. Being direct will often give you the best result.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 Introducing yourself to a woman over the "body" of her puking friend was a good start, but I think you ABSOLUTELY misread the situation.
HER main concern was not to getting to know you, but to take care of her friend.
So for you to somehow expect that an introduction will result in her being so flattered or whatnot that something romantic between you will happen is unrealistic.
You need to keep working on your socialization skills. If you can introduce yourself to someone taking care of a puking mate, you can introduce yourself to anyone. But you need to have some kind of situation awareness. Like NOT trying to have a meaningful conversation with a girl while her friend is puking. Not really a great time.
Woman can't see sexual experience, it's not stamped on your forehead, so until you hit the sack, IT IS IRRELEVANT! And even WHEN you hit the sack it can still be IRRELEVANT.
How you carry yourself (both for men and women) is another ballgame. So is being well groomed, along with the therapy, maybe get one of your female friends to help you with what haircut/clothes to wear.
As for the best friend and her snide remark, learn a little sarcasm or a little humor. Instead of taking it as an insult, make it into a joke. The friend (and anyone else standing around) will notice a guy with a sense of humor.
Keep working on yourself - seems like therapy did some good for you, but you HAVE to remember it's not an instant "fix". You will not be Mr. Heffner and don't make that a "life goal" either. Because he is a SAD little man.
Keep socializing, keep learning to small talk, keep pushing yourself to get out of your "box". And again, maybe the type (the cutest girl in school) is not realistic either. Not saying you should go for the one who doesn't get any attention either - but instead of going for the "pretty girl" why not go for the girl you SHARE something in common with? Are you in any social groups at campus? If so, that would be a good place to get to know some girls. SOCIALIZE. If not, JOIN one.
By going for the CUTEST girl on camps you are setting yourself up for failure. So start small. And maybe along the way you will find that the stereotypical "pretty girl" is not really your type.
Don't give up, baby steps. There is NO expiration date on your first relationship or first time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 Women are in abundance but the ones that are kind are rare. I don't think there is anything effeminate or subordinate in holding a friend's pizza, like if she has a phone call, or she dropped something on the floor she had to pick up. If your so called friends invited you out to embarrass you in front of others, then I think you are with the wrong crowd even if you study together. My response to that girl would be STFU.
Yes, you had the courage to introduce yourself to her, and then you gave up because your friends made fun of you. I think the right kind of girl would have stuck up for you and tell the other girl she's being mean.
I don't think you would find the right one in places where people get drunk and vomit. The 20's is an abysmal time for romance, and true love. If you are studying, people have no faith that relationships would work out but they pick the hottest people to have sex with.
I don't think the point of therapy is to suddenly make you hot enough to pick up women quickly. It is for you to accept yourself as you are and to be happy with what you've got. The secret of happiness is to embrace yourself, enhance your good qualities and not try to change what can't be changed. Although plastic surgery is an option.
You know you won't die alone. You see in the suburbs it's full of people who look below average and overweight yet they are mostly married and have kids. Yet this is not what you want. You want to have the life of the stud and not have to worry about your wife having a higher number than you. This is what you think women care about, experience. But time and time again the agony aunts and uncles tell you no, there are people who are not that shallow, and virgins can be a good thing.
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