A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when she turned around, I was sprinkling, red rose peddles, on the floor,we danced to the song, it was real romantic, my question is, I pick them up, put them back in the zip lock bag, she didn't ask for them so I put them in the trash, now ladies,would you of kept them, so to me , it must not of meant, much to her, so I turned around an left, most the time I stay till noon or so, I left at nine,so please, do you think, the rose,s, meant anything to her, or am I over thinking this, I thought she would of wanted to keep them, am just a guy, what do I know, thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 December 2015):
 While I would not keep rose petals or want them on my floor,
I DO love having the door held for me, I do love my husband helping me on with my coat, I love a gift of chocolates or flowers etc.
Cindy is right... it's NOT all or nothing...
there is a middle ground. Be a mensch as my mother would say.
a mensch is a good man, an honest man, a trustworthy and kind man.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2015):
 OP, you are a stubborn one :) who ever advised you to become a cold selfish prick to have sucess with women ??!
Why, does it have to be either black or white , no in between ? There's no other possibility than either be wussy , desperate and clingy, or - a total prick ?...
You are obviously doing too much too soon, and in a one-size-fits all fashion which cannot please ALL women, because to many of them it wil feel FAKE, pushy and needy.
But, from there to acting like a total jerk, there's a loong way with plenty of room for adjustment and compromise. Which , I suspect, you choose to ignore, because you have too much fun playing the ill-treated blameless victim !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): This is the last time i will write in about this,well I decided, take your advice, from now on, am not going to do it the old fashion way, ladies, am going to stop, opening doors, complimenting, their beauty, no more sweet talking, no more flowers, no more chocolates,act like I don't care, about their feelings, when they want to do some thing , am not available,you know what that's when they act like they like you, you are a challenge, you see I meet alot of women, the ones I don't have feelings for, are the ones that fall for me, so from now on, I don't give a shit about there feelings, going to be the guy I tell women to stay away from, you know when a woman meets a guy like that, they want to change him, but then they don't like the guy they become
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2015):
so just because we did not agree with YOUR POV and support your POV we are rude?
SMDH....
having a differing opinion from you does not make us rude it makes us...PEOPLE.
life would be boring if we all felt and thought exactly the same.
you came here asking for advice and when given advice that did NOT support your feelings you decided we were rude.
Do you feel this way about all people? if so this may be part of your problem.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 December 2015):
Too bad that apparently being romantic , at least in the peculiar sense you mean it, apparently has not brought to you the results that you want.
Otherwise you would not be on DC moaning about these cold hearted women who do not treasure your rose petals.
One would think that if your usual approach keeps failing, you'd be tempted at least to try something else, like tuning it down a bit...
Then again you are right that one should not betray its own essence and nature, and always be who he is. So if you really feel that you MUST sprinkle rose petals and lay it on thick with " sweet talk " in order to be yourself, by all means just keep doing that. Only it would be best that you keep dating until you find a lady who loves your kind of courtship and effusiveness, rather than shoving it down the throat of ladies who do NOT appreciate it much , and then getting mad at them because you don't get the reaction you want !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): Hello, am again writing in, to say, you women, who has written in to my question, you don't know me, an you are very rude, the women I know, all have said that was very romantic, I like treating a woman, special, I try to make them feel wanted, am not needie, all the women I've ever known, say they want to meet a nice guy,I can't believe you women can be so cold hreated, I know if I quit, being romantic, stop being a sweet talker, would rather be out with the guys getting drunk,yes I could fine alot of women who would like that, I don't want a woman like that, I want a woman, who likes being told she is beautiful, she can trust me, you see ladies, I have a heart,I have feelings, and you don't know me, am not going to change, for when the woman is happy I am, maybe you forgot what it is, being treated with romance
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2015):
I would not have kept them... in a plastic bag.
heck I would not be too happy grinding rose petals into my floor while dancing on them.
and your follow up... yeah you swing wildly one way to the other which is NOT cool.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 December 2015):
 Going back to your original post, I think most women would have been fine with spending time in a companionable and happy manner.
Having a sudden and obviously emotionally-laden (for you, not necessarily for me) event of a specific song and rose petals and dancing and then a very ostentatious gathering up of rose petals into a baggie? I'd be thinking "this guy is over the top and really emotionally needy and it's too much too soon." And then, I'd be thinking that I need some space from that and then I'd be wanting to just go back to being a nice simple couple who are getting to know each other without a lot of drama.
In other words, OP, you are doing too much too soon and expecting too much too soon.
And this has nothing to do with nice guys vs bad guys. This has to do with your individual interaction with the woman you like.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 December 2015):
Whoa. OP, was this your followup? "Maybe, am over reacting, ladies, am the one who wrote in, maybe I should just, told her to pick them up, throw them in the trash, i don't get it, treat a woman like shit , she loves you, be romantic,, an they treat you like shit,us nice guys, knows exactly what am saying, you ladies always say you want to meet a nice guy, then you always, treat him like crap, meet a bad boy, you fall madly in love, an don't tell me I don't know what am talking about, am the guy ,all my friends, women, an men , comes to for advice, they listen to me, but I don't, that how it goes, an you women, know that, how many of your friends keeps going back to the bad boys"
Because if it is, you are most definitely overreacting.
You are the one what sprinkled rose petals as a romantic gesture. Telling her pick them up and throw them in the trash is way over the top.
She's not treating you like shit because she didn't want to keep the rose petals you sprinkled and then danced on with her.
You aren't being a nice guy.
You are being irrational and unreasonable in your expectations of how a woman *should* react to this expression of affection. Though it's not so much an expression of affection as a test of her feelings toward you, as your followup has shown.
Your expectations of her are unrealistic, unreasonable and I do see why you keep getting let down by women.
Your need for affirmation is overwhelming and no woman will be able to fulfill the fantasy role you've created in your mind.
You may think you are being a nice guy but in the minds of the women you are dating, you are coming across as desperate and needy. I expect if you polled them, they'd report that while you report yourself as being nice, they'd describe you as super needy and not able to recognize simple dating boundaries.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 December 2015):
No I would not have kept them. And personally I would not even have much appreciated the gesture itself because to me it would have felt ostentatious and a bit tacky.
This is "all about you ", isn't it ? You are so wrapped up , as from your previous potss, in acting out the idea of the perfect romantic , chivalrous knoght in shining armour- that you forget the main and basic nice thing to do, which is giving her and telling her what she can like and understand, i.e. expressing your affection in a way and guise that would feel right to her, not to you only.
You say this lady loves football, - maybe she would be impressed if you 'd gave her football game tickets, or football memorabilia, not banal, one size fits all,rose petals.
Women DO like nice guys, but, nice is not spreading around flowers choccolates and teddy bears like some Valentine's vending machine ; nice is trying to figure out what the other person is about, what makes her tick, what excites her or move her , etc.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 This isnt your wife dont expect her to continue contact after what you did. Its too much, scary, unoriginal, and it shows a kiss a** behavior women may find desperate or needy. My advice.. in the middle of a date when some attraction has been made give her ONE rose and do it spontaneously. No teddy bears chocolates or chaffeurs at her feet. One rose to show you care. Thats all they need man.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 December 2015):
 Oh no, you have been written about this for a while. You said she doesn't have time for you. I like flowers myself. It's just that it has to be the right person doing this. Maybe she's not looking for long term, but just someone to kill time, to have free meals once in a while. Your gesture comes across as desperate as if you want her to reciprocate what she feels for you. Nothing wrong for being romantic, but you have to make sure that person feels the same way too.
I like the old fashioned kind of dating. Chivalry is not dead. It's not like she didn't like flowers. She felt you are too serious for her so she didn't know how to respond. She's been too independent, busy for you and yet you do this for her? She won't understand and maybe she thought you were buying her affections.
Sprinkling rose petals on the floor is a tradition in which maidens do to the royal majesty. So this is too much for her because it's not romantic. It is putting her on a pedestal and it makes her feel uncomfortable. Now when there's connection and trust between a couple, and they both feel equal to each other. Then it's sweet. Doing this to a woman you are just seeing for 4 months is too much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2015):
 I'm with Ciar
I'd think the guy was trying a bit too hard. But that is the thing with romance and romantic gestures. It's not a one sizes fits all.
Would I have kept the petals? no. Had they been on the bed on the honeymoon I might/perhaps have pressed some for a keepsake, but probably not...
The petals aren't the memory, the nice time spend together was/should be.
Not keeping the petal doesn't mean she doesn't care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): Maybe, am over reacting, ladies, am the one who wrote in, maybe I should just, told her to pick them up, throw them in the trash, i don't get it, treat a woman like shit , she loves you, be romantic,, an they treat you like shit,us nice guys, knows exactly what am saying, you ladies always say you want to meet a nice guy, then you always, treat him like crap, meet a bad boy, you fall madly in love, an don't tell me I don't know what am talking about, am the guy ,all my friends, women, an men , comes to for advice, they listen to me, but I don't, that how it goes, an you women, know that, how many of your friends keeps going back to the bad boys
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 December 2015):
Once they'd been on the floor? No, I wouldn't keep them. I've kept a rose from a bouquet for a while but they get all dried out and crumbly, so that's gone. It's the thought that counts, not the actual flowers or petals.
I think you have some unrealistic expectations of what she *should* be doing to indicate how she feels about you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 December 2015):
 Sprinkling rose petals on the floor is, for me, way over the top so any man who did that probably wouldn't get a second date. It's very cliché and sickeningly sweet/phoney. Just not my style at all. I can't speak for other women but I've never known one who was charmed by this.
So to answer your question, no I would not have kept the rose petals.
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