A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 months already, our relationship is going OK but he is planning to move to panama in the summer. Before we started to seriously go out i had been with someone else that he actually knew, me and that person never went to third base but we got to second base(my current boyfriend was my first) and for some reason my current boyfriend found out (now he thinks i lied to him about being a virgin), but the only person that knew about me and that guy was THE GUY.One night my boyfriend started asking me questions about me and that guy like "what did you do with him?", "I know you went down on him, so just confess". At first i lied to him telling him that nothing ever happened with that guy and that we had only kissed.That night my boyfriend went off on me calling me every word in the slut dictionary and telling me that he was disgusted that me and him have had sex, he made me feel really bad because i didn't mean to lie to him but what had happened with the other guy was suppose to be private and i didn't feel like it was none of his business either.He text me the next day but i wouldn't text him back so he threatened me that he would tell my parents what had happened with the other guy soo i called him because i was really scared if he really did tell my parents and i decided to forgive him because i love him. Last week my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere because supposedly for what had happened with the other guy because he is not able to get it out of his mind still. I was hurt when he broke up with me but then he sent me text saying "have a good life, i hope you find your other half, i wish i could still be with you but u wouldn't be faithful to me and thanks for everything" (He said that i wouldn't be faithful because "again" for some reason he found out that the other guy text me to say "hi" and i replied back just like any old friends would right?").When he sent me that, all i said was "thank you for everything, i love you and have a nice life even if its not with me", so then when he text me back he was like "i knew you cheated on me so imma tell your parents about what happened with the other guy before i leave to panama in the summer"...So again here he threatens me again, i'm scared that he would tell my parents, i feel like i'm in jail because i cant text nobody because he finds out the stuff i do even if they are not wrong, then after all that he says to me, he calls me and asks for forgiveness (but if i don't forgive him the threatening starts again), What do i do? Does he deserve me? Should i let him tell my parents about what i have done? Or should I tell my parents about it? Should i forgive him one last time ? And i know for sure that if stay with him he is going to remind me about this all my life, and he just doesn't rust me at all!!!(Another fact is that my friends don't like him because of what he has done and said to me but i still love him)
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broke up, cheated on me, I love you, in jail, second base, text, third base Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PotF Fan  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Although a lot of stuff he has done is....well....wrongit sounds to me like he is suffering retroactive jealousy(or retrograde jealousy-same thing slightly different name)its a horrible thing for anyone to suffer but your boyfriend has made the mistake of blaming youno one is to blame for it....i guess you could say its life screwing you over. I suffer from this as I was a virgin while my partner was not and I can tell you the pain is near unbearable, my self esteem has been destroyed and it takes a lot of self restraint to not blame her but I know her past is her past and although it hurts our relationship remains strong. For a lot of men however this total anguish develops into mistrust towards their partner and sometimes hate as they feel betrayed. I suggest you research it before you act.I am not saying it is the case it is just what it looks like to meIf this is the case then Im truly sorry as it causes a lot of hurt for both partners
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 This prat wanted to break up with you, for whatever reason, and has very carefully manipulated you into believing the reason was your past, and that its your fault.
You say you know he doesnt trust you, guess what, you shouldnt trust him, you ask if he deserves you, believe me, not even your worst enemy deserves him!
He will not tell your parents what he has forced you to tell him, it will make him look bad and like a snitch (which he is!).
If what you did with your ex boyfriend was before you started dating him what happened is none of his business.
He sounds just awful, I dont think you should be forgiving him or giving him any more chances.
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