A
female
age
51-59,
*samantha
writes:Hi I have been with my BF for over 17 yrs yes I have and 2 kids later he has ask for an 3 some and we did it then he went on his own with out me 3 yrs later we are still 2 gether should I stay with the guy he is my 1st in everthing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): That he's is you first in everything sadly doesnt determine the succes of a relationship these days...And why the hell are you still a girlfriend after 17 years?????
The fact that you havent made an official committment is not in my view a good sign( I know we live in a modern society but still...) even after you've had kids....Maybe he is still giving himself an optio but come to think of it even some married men give themselves 'options'...This man is being mean and taking the best years of your life, and not delivering himself....The sad thing is I do believe he knows you will always be there... I can almost bet my cotton socks you agreed to a threesome to please him and not because it was what you wanted...Thressomes are a bad idea ...it never bodes well....I know you are in a lot of pain and have been with him for so long but I think it is time you find the confidence, strength and will to first of all find yourself...and maybe find someone else.....this guy has had enough(too many) years( I know it is hard) but if he is not ready to change , he has had 17yrs too long to do that...Get some help from your local church, a life coach, counsellor to help you deal with you self esteem and confidence that must have taken a bashing by being in this relationship....Love yourself....I mean how the hell is someone going to love you if you dont love yourself... That he is your first make it hard ..but girl you have some growing and hard decisions to make.... Start sticking up for yourself..no more threesomes and avoid drama....Just be firm in you refusal to continue to be his doormat..Respect begets respect....Take control and be strong...dont worry, if you believe you can find happiness you will...Dont get stuck and then look back years from now and say I wasted my youth..I know there are kids involved but is he being half the father/man he should be?...He needs to grow up too..Perharps you can explore getting help together and if he refuses, it is time to think you yourself and your kids....This environment cant be healthy for them to grow up in.....Dont settle for less anymore...Most of all ensure you grow as a person and learn from the past......Hugs
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (17 January 2011):
 You made your bed hard, now you have to lay in it! By agreeing to the 3some SMH! He did what MOST men do. That’s the “NORM” to go back, w/o us. He’ll use her for her and her “FREAKY FRIENDS” for his next 3some, and leave you out AGAIN! See, it’s cool for a man to have a 3some as long as one of the women is NOT his WOMAN! He knocked her off before you two got the chance to get together, men always think the women will hook –up w/o them and to also build up animosity between the two of you, for extra insurance #JUSTINCASE! If you two did decide to play w/o him. (Not saying you would) Threesomes are always a bad idea; if the two doesn’t equality want it. SO WHAT! He’s your first at everything! That just means you should be nicely seasoned for a man who will respect you and won’t betray your trust. How did you find out? Does he have any remorse?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 hi
what is the rest of the relationship like? this is why threesomes are always a bad idea. the threesome is happening but then one partner often feels like the other one has crossed the line to what they see as infidelity! interestingly, i note the threesome was HIS idea?
you went along with it but then felt it got out of hand. you just need to put it behind you i think because you cannot change the past. do you trust him now? does he ask you to do threesomes again? does he give you any reason to believe he has been unfaithful since this? and have you talked to him about your worry?
17yr is a long time and you have kids together. so i hope you can work this out, and NOT have any more threesomes
xx
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