| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Okay so my ex and I went out for a year and broke up a year ago. I was the one to leave the relationship and he agreed. I tried to get back with him really hard a couple days after the break up but he didn't want to take me back. He also said he wanted us to remain friends but I refused because if he didn't want to be with me then I didn't think he deserved me to be in his life at all because I knew that being friends will mean me being a option contract for him in case he changed his mind, and besides being friends with him was not gonna let me move on. He was also being selfish and said he didn't want me finding anyone else, well too bad because I wasn't gonna wait around for him like a dumb ass so a couple of weeks later I found a new boyfriend but it didn't even last a month because I was still thinking about my ex so I was miserable in the new relationship. I made the mistake of getting a new boyfriend so soon after the break up thinking it was gonna help me forget about him but now I realised how wrong i was.Anyways, ever since we broke up he contacted me about once a month every month. Sometimes I wouldn't answer and sometimes I would tell him to fu** off. Then in June of this year I started being nice to him and we started hanging out and hooked up a couple of times. And then I asked him if he wanted to get back together and he gave me several excuses like:* He said he wanted to make sure I changed because he didn't want to go through a horrible break up again* He said he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now "anyone"* He said he can't afford to have a girlfriend (by the way thats bullsh** because every time we hung out we just watched tv in his room and cuddle and i was happy with that so he's obviously lying.)* He said he's too busy to be in a relationship (but that's another bullsh** because he would call me everyday and see me on a regular basis)* He said he's too young and if he ever happends to have a girlfriend she will be the one he's going to marry because he's not going through a horrible break up again.By the way i'm his first real girlfriend an the first he's ever had sex with. He's 22 and i'm 21.The last thing he told me was that he will be happy if i found someone but he will be sad also and that he still loves me but just isn't in love with me anymore. He also said he doesn' know if we will get back together and if we do he doesn't now when and that he can only be friends or friends with benefits right now (of course that dic*)I felt sooo angry and disrespected when he said the part about being friends with benefits. So since he doesn't want to be with me and I can't be friends with him because i won't be able to move on i decided to start ignoring his calls. He keeps calling I don't know why. My questions are... *Could he be calling me right now because he might be changing his mind?? and if that's the case, should I just let him do all the chase til he can provide me with what i want wich is a commitment??*Should I ignore him for a month or two and then try to be friends with him and slowly see if he wants to get back togther again? ( I will not hook up with him again til he makes a commitment because i dont wanna get heart broken again)* Or should I just forget about him?? Thanks!!! Guys point of view on this will also be very appreciated.
View related questions:
broke up, friend with benefits, get back together, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, domybest  +, writes (28 November 2009):
Oh I completely agree with you about friends with benefits being wrong all together!! I just didn't want to offend anyone, but you are correct it is an opinion and everyone is entitled to one!
Well forget about him then! Everything happens for a reason...x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice but i'm the type who doesn't believe in the if it's meant to be it's meant to be, because once I decide to forget about someone it's impossible for me to love them all over again. I never go back to my past and besides, the reason why i felt disrespected for him to ask me to be friends with benefits wasn't because we have so much history or because i have feelings for him, it was because being friends with benefits IT'S OVERALL WRONG. I will not do that with anybody because I only hook up with people I have feelings for, i never just hook up for pleasure. I respect myslef too much to let a guy hook up with me but not be with me and then go have sex wth other girls. That's awful. Anyways that's my opinion but thank you.
...............................
A
male
reader, mr motivator +, writes (28 November 2009):
maybe he likes the challenge of getting you back, maybe hes just chasing a dream
but whatever it is if you dont want him, instead of telling him to f**k off just simply ignore any contact he tries to engage in completely.... he will soon get bored
...............................
A
female
reader, domybest +, writes (28 November 2009):
Honestly, I would forget about him. Once you've forgotten you will feel so happy and free. A huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will finally feel like you can relax!!
It sounds to me like he likes you but like he said, he doesn't "love you" and it was disrespectful to ask you to be friends with benefits because of the history you two have had and the fact he knows how you feel about him. He knows you're vulnerable and a lot of people in your situation would have said yes to that just because they think they would then have a chance at it working again - even though that's not what he wants. I respect you for refusing and for seeing that as disrespectful of him.
Start moving on, go out with your girlfriends and have some fun! Try and forget about him and if someone else comes along then bonus!! If that doesn't last it doesn't matter, you have had fun along the way, you will learn lessons and you will grow up.
If its meant to be then its meant to be, and maybe one day in a few years he may realise what he lost but until then, think about yourself only! Your 21 - get out and have some fun and be treated right!
Good luck!
...............................
|
