A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys! I am really upset and hoping for some help. I would love to get some answers from guys as well on this one. My LTR BF (8 years) has asked me to lose weight before (I am approx size 14/16 and was this size when we met and I am quite tall and I really look after my hair, skin, teeth etc etc .. and I am not fat as such but need to lose some weight on my stomach and thighs). Anyhow, he threatened to leave me for not losing weight as agreed (I agreed to lose it but found it hard and with him constantly policing me I yo-yo'd with my diet)and he walked out last year. We stayed in touch and when we met up again he said 'in all these months you haven't lost much weight'. He says if I cared about him and our relationship I would have lost the weight. Does this mean that deep down, I didn't really love him enough?? I supported him through loads of stuff and I showed my love for him extensively in many many ways. Also, I was size 16 when we met and he fancied me then and we always had a good sex life so why would he be so hung up about it?? I am really upset about the whole thing. I started wondering if deep down, I really didn't love him enough otherwise I would have lost more weight?? I can't understand why he couldn't accept me like I am and I believe I DO love him and the diet doesn't prove that I love him or don't love him?? I showed him love, support, you name it really. He says if I really loved him I would have lost weight! Help!! I am distressed about this and whenever we talk, he still mentions this diet. He is really hung up on it! Thanks for any help/insights you can give.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Here is something no one has said, but I will, sorry if it seems harsh.This man is abusive. He is devaluing you by telling you that you have to lose weight in order for him to love you.He doesn't love you, he is attempting to control you so that you won't leave him by keeping you insecure and feeling like no other man would want you and you are supremely lucky to have him.Ugh. Another thing, it doesn't take a man 8 long years to step up to he plate and ask you to marry him. He doesn't want to.Get rid, do it yesterday. There is a saying that I think applies here: Every woman get's the love life she deserves." Let me interpret: You are wasting your very own love life on this man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): He'll only demotivate you, by pressuring you so hard you feel like quitting all the time. The only way you're going to lose wait is by telling him to shut the fuck up when he's an asshole like that,....and he IS an asshole, to say shit like that to you. Tell him you'd rather be fat than lose wait to suck his skinny little dick, and that if he doesn't stop insulting and judging you that you'll leave him next time, and your 'fat ass' as he calls it will be the last thing he'll see walking out the door as it hits him in the face.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Caringguy and Angzw are so right. If you DO lose weight, you should do it to please yourself. He's being a jerk to you.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (6 March 2010):
Caringguy and Angzw are so right. If you DO lose weight, you should do it to please yourself. He's being a jerk to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Sweetie, he is just trying to control you and that is why he is requesting you lose weight. If he truly loved you, he would love you at any size. Please see your doctor and get a physical check up. If he/she happens to suggest weight loss, put together a healthy meal plan and activities you can do to safely lose weight. Your bf should be supportive of you and you both can plan activities to do together like walking, hiking, etc. However this should be YOUR decision and your decision only. If your bf doesn't consider how his opinions are making you feel, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship.On a more personal note, I'm seeing a good friend of mine shrink before my eyes because she thinks she has to be super skinny in order for guys to like her. No guy is worth it if he bases his love on the weight/size of his gf.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Weight loss is something that is personal, with how one feels about ones self. I relationship is not purposed to mold you into anyone's view of who they want you to be. That's be as if you were to toss away your identity in any relationship and allow them to give you one. It's not real, it's superficial, and to expect you to prove love with loosing weight is superficial as well.
The truth I'd ask is: Does he really love you, if he doesn't accept and love you for who you are? Does he love you, by stating you don't love him for not loosing weight, instead of recognizing weight loss is personal and has nothing to do with your love for him? Someone who really loves you, will for who you are and will not try molding you into who they thin you should be. Someone who loves you, if YOU chose to loose weight because it'd make you feel better would be there to support you in doing so, but won't demand that you do so to please them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): CaringGuy couldn't have said it better than me..you listen to him hun!! Do it for yourself!! And if you are happy the way you are, then so be it! A man should love you for who you are, not based on looks!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 March 2010):
Errm, why are you with a man who only cares that you lose weight, and even left you? He says if you really loved him, you would lose weight. I say, if he really loves you, he would accept you for who you are. My girlfriend is a size 14, and I'm very happy with her. She chose to lose weight for herself, not for me. Not once have I ever said anything to her about it. If you want to lose weight, lose it for yourself. Not for some guy who sees you as an object he can control. Forget him.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (6 March 2010):
Yes dear, you do need to lose weight....... His sorry ass!! You need to ditch this total loser. If you met you that way then he should leave you alone and stop talking rubbish. He thinks he's irreplaceable. There are many men who would love to be with you and who would be more deserving of your attention. Forget him.
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