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female
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*upid05
writes: My fiance and I have a boy together. We were OK, but just recently I have put on weight. He said if I put on any more weight he will leave. He is already planning to get a house of his own. What am I to think?
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female
reader, xPurex +, writes (31 October 2005):
He's not worth it. period. No man has the right to act like that he isn't perfect therefore he does not have the right to make you perfect.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005): get rid of him!!! you can get someone who treats you better than that! he still needs to be a dad to your son, but you dont need his put downs! only loose wieght if you want to! and do it for you. not him.
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (29 October 2005):
 I think that if he threatens to leave you for the way you look, you shouldnt be with him. He's not the best guy. You can do better than someone who is going to judge you by your appearance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): You should only lose weight for yourself not for your man..if he loves you he will love you no matter what.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): And he's perfect? Sorry, but I just get frustrated with men who always want the "perfect trophy" wife just to feed their own insecurities and huge egos. There's nothing quite so damaging to a woman's ego as hearing that her body is too flawed to be appealing-particularly if the words are coming out of her partner's mouth! Too bad he can't understand that he can't take those words back, so the best way to salvage this situation is for him to behave in ways that are more loving.
I'm not sure how recent the birth of your son was but it is common for many woman to gain the excess pounds after birth. Part of being a loving partner means understanding this is the reality of new parenthood, for many woman. Of course, becoming a parent changes eating habits-we all seem to eat and run, when children come into the family.
It's could also be doubtful that the whole problem in your relationship isn't just your weight. If your overeating isn't a leftover habit from pregnancy, you may be as unhappy as he is and sometimes, people do eat more to nurture themselves. Not saying this is 'you..it's just something to consider.
However, while he may be disappointed in your appearance, his unkind words may also revolve around his own unloving, uncaring feelings and his flawed character traits. Other than your weight, have there been any new conflicts that have surfaced in your marriage? You both should discuss the hurt and distance you both feel. Hopefully he can put aside his own feelings, and he can encourage and support you while you get back on track to losing weight and gaining a healthier lifestyle, once again.
Rememeber, if you listen, instead of getting defensive, he will probably hear you acknowledge that you aren't happy about your weight either. What woman is? We all want to look our best and be our healthiest but for us. Once it's out in the open, maybe you both can work together to find activities that make you feel closer. He may be can't lie about how he feels about your weight gain, but he can learn to be more loving and find other things about you to compliment or admire. I sure hope he can do this. If he can't, then I would question his level of committment to this relationship. Because then it goes much deeper than his disappointment in your weight. If this is so, please seek some couple counseling so you both can learn to counterbalance each other, with appreciation and affection in other areas, and work your way back toward intimacy. Best of luck
Hugs, Irish
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): I think he is having major problems with your relationship, and he is about to leave you. I don't know if you can save this relationship, but he is ready to bolt. What changed between the two of you after the baby arrived? Is he having to compete with the baby for your affection, and time? Have you stopped having sex with him? Or do you refuse to have sex anywhere near the baby? Has the frequency of sex dropped dramatically? All these things, and many more can be the reasons why he is packing his bags. Talk to him, and be prepared to make some serious changes, and make some serious apologies to him. Yes, a baby changes a home a lot, but it takes two mature people to understand how to make room in their live for a baby, without abdicating their lives together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): What a jerk......sorry...but this really irks me....some men can be so insensitive. It seems that most guys want us women to stay with them for years have therir babies and never age or change to look like real women should...that is with more body fat than their 20yr old porn stars.....(Im not advocating large weight gains because this is not healthy for anyone.....but many guys complains about normal weight women because they dont fit the anorexic ideal than the media puts forth....(this is yet another reason why porn is so damn damaging to relationships and women in particular)....Tell him unless he can start earning the big dollars that you see other men providing for their women you will leave...Take control girl...remember it his loss.......many men dont really deserve any of us women.....Best wishes....
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female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (28 October 2005):
What kind of man would walk away from the woman he loves and a child he's got with her? If he was really that insecure he should have not went and had a child with someone. He needs to buck up and stop acting like one of these perfectionist driven 20 something year old guy. If he's going to leave you over something petty as weight you don't need him. If he's that worried about how you look then I wouldnt worry about anything because there's women out there would do the same to him in a New York minute. You deserve better than this, and if you leave him get yours and your son's lives straight because your child is who you need to think about. Don't get married to someone who clearly has issues with himself to work out, give him a chance to fix the problems with HIM and if he can't straighten himself out then you need to show him the door and tell him that there are too many other men in this world who can be good to you and your child regardless of your current appearance. Start with the source of your pain which is your fiance and if he can't be the man that you hoped for move forward for yours and your child's sake and begin to meet men who are not on that body image nonsense because I am sure there's flaws about them that may not be perfect, but at least they're happy with themselves. The goal is are you happy with yourself if you are then screw your man because he's got major issues with his perception to how a woman should look. You would be surprised at how many men prefer a more realistic woman who's not super thin and morbidly obese, but just an average everyday woman. If you know you deserve better begin to make those changes in your life to begin a new life for you and your son. Your son doesnt need to grow up with a father like that because then he too will inheirit those same jacked up traits his father has and thinks it will be ok to treat a woman the way his father is doing to you. It's not right and it's not setting an example to this child about how to treat a woman. We have too many boys in this world who don't have a father to show them how to be a man. Your son needs a father not some jerk who's got some serious issues to work out. A real man will step up and be a positive role model to your son and showing him how a man treats a woman with respect. Boys who grow up with positive male influences are better off in how they view women and how they treat them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): Well i think this depends.
Is he doing this because of your health or because he's just a shallow jerk?
If you answer that question then you can figure out whether to leave him or not.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): Well. He's being an ass, but maybe you do need to lose some weight. Join a gym and start exercising. It's understandable to gain weight after having a baby. But adding more year after year after that is detrimental. There are many health concerns that link to obesity. What is your reason for weight gain? Diet? Lack of exercise? Change those. When he sees that you are making efforts to better yourself, he should support you. Good luck.
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