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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I have been married for nearly 3 years. Before that we dated for about 5 years. For the past year or two we have been growing apart. Our sex life is awful, we bicker and fight all the time, and we hardly communicate. I find that there is very little I enjoy about my wife. I no longer look at her and see a beautiful woman. Everything about her annoys me. Based on the way she snaps at me I am positive the same goes for her. Missing the companionship I once had I began seeking out support from friends. Recently I met another woman and a few weeks ago we became emotionally involved. Now I am feeling anxiety every minute of every day. I have built so much with my wife. Luckily we do not have kids yet. I think even though we are no longer in love she will flip if I ever tell her I want to end it. If I no longer love my wife should I break it off?
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female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (11 May 2006):
Have you thought about why you grew apart? Was there a change in your lives that put this distance between you? I think you need to take some time to figure out what happened and try to remember what drew you together in the first place. A good counselor or clergyperson can help you figure out what your issues are and how to find your way back to each other.In the meantime, you might want to consider a trial separation where you don't live together but still have a commitment to try to work things out. Being apart physically could help you see the things you love about your wife (and vice versa). But the last thing you need now is another woman complicating this situation. It doesn't matter whether you have kids. Obviously you loved each other enough to make what you planned to be a lifetime commitment. Do your best to honor that. You owe it to each other.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Give this some careful thought. The anxieties you may be feeling likely stem from the fact that when many people consider a marriage split up, they become stressed because they realize that a whole way of live could come to an end. No matter how you feel toward your wife, like many of us, you will suffer pain from a marriage split up so I think you would be very unwise to seek an affair in the hopes of trying to dull that pain. Please don't use an affair as a catalyst to end your marriage. My suggestion is that you, either get into some intensive marriage counseling with your wife and try to save this or you do the hard work of getting a divorce and going through the grieving process, the healing and then the recovery before beginning any new relationship. Marriages are hard to manage when things are going great-even worse when things are unbearable between 2 people. Try the counseling first, communicate, she's obviously a very unhappy woman if she behaving this way as well. If you can’t make it, I suggest handling the separation or divorce in a decent, dignified way. Life is much to short to hate someone you’ve once loved. Good luck and Take care
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