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male
age
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anonymous
writes:i have a Filipino girlfriend who's about 13 years younger here in the US. very worried about if i marry her , will her family also expect me to help them out financially? I've read thing that Filipino love to "show off" material things and such.any help appreciated. thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, shooter26 +, writes (10 December 2012):
still haven't figured out my gf yet. she seems to not want to get married. she is very "family" oriented and keeps talking about how the Filipinos have so many they consider "family". 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, like everyone they know. 26 cousins or so. i know she wants to stay here with me and be able to feel like she belongs but sometimes she is very "put off" by things i do. i treat her very nice as i said but i think she is only looking to somehow get her money back home and be around her "family". I'm very hesitant to ask her to marry me. any thoughts? oh yeah one other thing i asked her to let me measure her ring finger. she just shook her head and said something under her breath like "that's not what i'm lookin for".
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2012):
 IF you are skeptical about continuing the relationship, then don’t.
If she is complaining about your disability I’d kick her to the curb to be honest. I’m disabled. I became disabled after we got together but it’s permanent and limiting… if my man complained he would be shown the door…
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): she said the house is a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 or 3 bathroom house. 1600 square feet. i know meters is used there so dont know exactly but its around 1500-1600 square feet (US). maybe she wants to "show off"? also the fact that she is very emotional kind of scares me. she has no friends she can talk to due to her status.she dont trust me. always bringing things up about the past. she remembers everything. i have slight physical disability and she complains. I'm very skeptical about continuing this relationship. she says she feels lost here. uncle asking to borrow money from her. many things going through her mind. i tell her its your money you can use it for what you need and want. always family matters it seems.
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female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 75,000 USD or 3,150,000 pesos for a house and lot is too high but you can give her guidance how to buy wisely that would not cost her too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Thanks for your input. she has been my girlfriend for about 2 years. she takes care of my mom as caregiver and we developed a relationship. she gets very emotional when i talk about things regarding issues such as her family. she does send money i pay her back home. she wants to build a house for her and her parents. eventually she probably wants to live there one day. let her parents and brother live in the house and she will probably visit maybe once a year. her parents are in their early 70's. the money i have paid her is what she would use to build the house. told me house can be built for 75K US dollars.she knows i will not help her build the house. she has money for that. after my mom pass away some day my gf can get a job here in US. By the way, I've never been married.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 I agree with Jannie. I know quite a few filipino's and they work very hard to send money home to help their families so it's probably fair to assume if you marry her, you will have to get used to that way of doing things.
Ask her what she thinks.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 You need to ask your girlfriend this, and learn more about her culture from HER, and not from reputation. She is the only person who can tell you what is the norm for her family and for herself.
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female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (14 October 2012):
I am a filipino and I am saddened to hear things like this but I cannot deny as well that there are some who do this but I would like to share you my points of view as a filipino woman.As a filipina, you can easily talk with us and let us understand your situation financially but we cannot forsake our family's financial needs as we need to help our family. The option that we have is to look for a job so we can independently support our family and not ask from our partner. This is how we think and our partner must give us that opportunity to work to support our family back home. If your GF loves you and not think of you as her financial back up she will understand you fairly and for sure she will find means of her own. You have to understand as well that it is our culture and belief that we need to help our family especially our parents but we do set boundaries and limitations to what extent we can help and not jeopardize the good relationship we have with our partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Well, they are in majority are poor. Also, in many many countries not only Philippines people do tend to help each other. I would deffinitely talk to her about if it is your major fear, because if she is expecting you to' help out her relatives and then you refuse, you will have issues.If its only her parents, that would be one thing, as a $100 for them would be a huge help, and hardly anything to you. My husbands parents live in one of the eastern europian countries, and we help them, but their pension is only $200 a month. So when we send them $100 it's a huge help to them. If she has extended family and expects you to help them also that could be a problem. But hopefully she is reasonable enough not to expect you to go into big expence only because you live in a different Economoc situation and after marriage to start to support the whole clan of relatives.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 You don't have to do anything. When you are ready for the next step and see a long term in her, don't be afraid to straight out ask her what her expectations are. If you are considering this already it means you know her long enough, you know whether she is marrying you for love or for money only. Not all filipinos are the same, but the ones I know are that when they go live in other countries, whether they are married, with children, or single, they work work work and then send money home. You can negotiate how much you are willing to help out. Of course if you can build a connection with their family, like visiting once a year, it would be better than doing it because it's obligation or custom. If you don't want to help out, that's fine too. Let her know so she can decide if it's a deal breaker.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Um, ask her what her expectations are?
I don't think you can generalize about a whole nationality like that.
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