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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met a new man a month or two ago and have met up with him about 3 or 4 times. I really like him and have been really excited about seeing him each time. We spent Sunday together, had a lovely day outdoors and then to the pub and then to have something to eat at his place. He then asked me if I want to be a lodger in his new house he is just buying. He knows I am thinking of moving to his area. It's a beautiful house.I was quite surprised becasue I thought we were kind of on a date, but then I thought maybe he was just getting to know me to see if I would be OK to share with. When we said goodbye he kissed me on the lips and stroked my face saying it was nice to see me again.I don't know what to say really. If I lived there then I guess I couldn't go out with him too, and maybe I'm reading him wrong. But he seems to really like me, he has introduced me to friends of his and seems to want to take care of me when we go out.Anyone out there got any clue what is going on in his brain?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again, thanks for those answers. You're right, it would be a very bad move. I had to try really hard not to freak out about it to be honest. I have seen this man a few more times now and he has not mentioned the moving in idea again, and I have not brought it up either. I feel it needs to be talked about but I don't want to bring it up.
We have been out a few more times and I'm not even sure how much I like him now, the trouble is I can tell he is very keen now, he's always trying to arrange times to meet and things to do. Also he does really nice things for me and is very kind, so I have no reason not to like him, I can't fault him.
I don't know whether to keep seeing him, or whether if I could just slow things down a bit I might get a bit of interest back again. I feel like we've slipped into a relationship really quickly, that he asks me what I'm up to in an evening, and I kind of feel like I have to have plans lined up in order to not go out with him.
Basically I think I don't want to go out with him anymore but I feel bad about this as I really liked him in the beginning, and he has done nothing wrong, and I have no idea how to deal with this now.
I know I should be able to deal with this by my age but unfortunately I don't. Please help!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Well unless he is slighty bonkers and rushes all his new relationships, then the only real reason he will have asked you to do this is because he is buying a new house which is expensive, therefore you are the easy option - you can move in right away and he knows you, therefore easy option as a lodger.
If you want a relationship with this man then it would be a very very bad idea to lodge in his house - you would take your relationship straight from dating to almost a married couple, it would become domesticated way too fast and take away any chance of romance.
My guess is that he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, and in his head while he is thinking of the expense of a new house, you are the easy option as a lodger to move in and start paying rent. But you have to be the sensible one here - living with him after such a short period of time, even as a lodger, will kill the relationship before it has really started and you would be left sharing a house with a man you once dated - which would be very awkward!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): It sounds as if hes trying to mix business with a little pleasure. Dont show too much interest in the suggestions about becoming his lodger. Concentrate on the relationship and see where thats heading first. Im sure if hes just looking for a paying lodger with extras.. that will become apparent fairly soon.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 You have only known each other for two or three months and he is already wondering whether or not you would move in with him? I have absolutely no idea how that would have happened but he does seem to really like you. I would still be suspicious though because, it is extremely sudden for him to be asking you to live with him in a new house.
By all means carry on being in a relationship with this man, there is a strong connection there, just make sure this relationship does not start moving too fast.
I hope that helps.
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