A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend, we have a history together and that does mean we are more honest and volatile than normal friends but i really dont think this is about that. He has had a pretty troubled life and no-one that has come into his life has ever stuck around for him. He doesnt open up to anyone, he isnt close to his family and has only one good friend. At the moment he is going through quite a rough time and I really want to be there to help him. The trouble is he wont let me. He opens up to me sometimes and it all comes flooding out and i realise how fragile he is. But because he is so used to being hurt and being alone i feel like he doesnt value our friendship. Everytime we argue or he does something that upsets me he disappears out of my life. If I left it up to him we would never talk again. Its not because he doesnt care - its because he doesnt expect anyone to be there for him and so will never fight to keep them in his life.But I cant be the only one to put the effort in, especially if its me that has been wronged - i feel like an mug. It hurts that he doesnt try even though i know that its a self preservation thing for him. This time we havent spoken for a week over him canceling a night out with me at the very last minute. Nothing major but i know he wont apologise and i dont want to be the first to break the ice. I know you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped but at the same time I dont want to be yet another person that walks away from him - thats why he is like this in the first place! I value his friendship and I want to always be there for him but how can I do this without also letting him get away with being a rubbish friend. Would he be better off if I did walk away for a while or would i lose him forever? At what point do i give up completely? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2009):
All you can do is be there. That's it. If you force him to talk, he won't. If you walk away, he'll be hurt. Just be there. If he suddenly walks out uphappy, don't chase him. You must let him do some running of his own.
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