A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been Married for 10 years, and we dated for 8 before. If I had a way out I would take it, but with 2 kids and a faltering economy, I can't see a way. Some of this is finance, we live with seperate checkbooks, he doesn't have accses to my income and he doesn't offer any financial help for me. Basically for the last 10 years 90% of my income goes toward house expenses and food and childcare, plus supporting my business. Earlier this summer I asked him to go on vacation with the kids and I and he said no he would be working,so I took an 8-yo and a barely 3 yo by myself 2300 miles. Oh and 3 days before I leave, he tells me he "took vacation time" while we were gone. I went utterly ballistic. His excuse? he grew up in a shithole and he wanted to work on the house. It all comes down to it is ALWAYS about him and his poor upbringing,it gets worse. He never notices all the things I do , he only comments on the things that aren't done. i.e. I finished the laundry,(10 loads) but didn't push the lint screen all the way down. Guess what he says? You got it. I am always angry and I never was like this, I want to cry and run but I can't. I left him before we were married, and shouldn't have come back... stupid. I love our kids, but it has been the work I put into their raising that makes them so awesome, and they are. I don't see a way out,I am struggling finacially without a divorce, but I don't like "me" in this relationship...
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 October 2008):
 It sounds like you need to get into couples therapy. You' sound as if you're on the road to disaster. I've never understood the separate paycheck thing. We've always lived out of the same pot of money, for the most part. We've always tried to save and spend as a team. Try counseling.
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