A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i am going to be 22 soon. I was with my ex bf for 1 year 3months, we split 9months ago.Reality was his negatives were gradually after telling his family about me, he wouldn't make that much effort and when he went to india on holiday he would fb his friends and call, but never get in touch with me. That did really hurt me.After we split 2months later he went to a strip club, paid for sex.I am a virgin, i choose to remain a virgin until i marry, but this killed me so much inside. Still does.He ignored me since then , but today i texted him and we are texting, he does say he wish we never split up.Good sides were, i was groomed by a peadophile when i was younger and live with my father who use to physically and mentally, emotionally abuse me. But my ex was the only man who 1) i could open up 2 and 2) didn't judge me and was there for me.i still love him, how stupid i know but i do and i do want him back but i don't know what to do or how. As his family use to dislike me from the beginning for no reason.He's hindu 28 im sikh 22.I have tried dating other men, but i always thought about my ex, no1 matched up 2 him , they were not understanding and its basically him in my heart.
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Yes its normal to feel that this new guy is not like your relationship with your ex, because quiet simply he is another guy; with another type of personality. So you will never love both these guys the same way.
Dont feel bad for it: its simply sometimes that even though you get along with someone; so much has happened that its difficult to go back to *the way it was*.
People sometimes dont change this is why when you spoke to your ex its as if time stood still.
Ultimately make the best decision for yourself, and move on and start a new chapter.
Goodluck!
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 You ask is it normal to still be grieving after nine months. Hard to say, it varies from person to person. He was your first love, after all.
However, even if he was supportive of you during the time you were together, he certainly is not now.
As Starlight said, families are very important in your culture. IF you were to try to get back together with him, it would not be easy, to say the least - especially if the two of you would be living near his parents! And even if you and they were not physically close, they could still make your lives hell........
Maybe now, don't date anyone for a while. Give yourself time to sort out your options and to consider what would really be in your own best interests.
You say you met another man and discussed getting engaged. I would caution you against rushing into an engagement with someone who is basically still a stranger - even if you had dated him for three or four months, say (and of course, we can't know when you met the new guy).
Just keep in mind that it takes AT LEAST a year, and preferably longer, to determine how compatible you and a guy are!
You are only 22, so unless your family is pressuring you to find someone and get married, what's the hurry? And if they ARE putting pressure on you, I encourage you to stand up for yourself. Don't marry anyone just because your family might want to see you wed! (But hopefully they are not like that).
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for replying and being honest. I am going to think about what you have said and i agree.
Same time it's been 9 months since we split. I even met another guy who same caste, religion etc and we discussed getting engaged i informed my parents etc,
But at the same time i've never felt what i have with my ex. i don't know if maybe that's because my first love but after 9months no contact it still feels like yesterday we were together. Is that normal?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 May 2012):
I know families play a big role in this culture; so it would be difficult for you if you went back to him since his family will never totally be accepting of you.
As you said his family dislike you.
Your ex bf has also done things that have hurt you; he has even ignored you!
Do you honestly see a future for yourself with him?
Does he totally want you back too?
I understand he has helped you when you were together but since then he has done things to hurt you.
Also there are many hurdles you both have to face in the community if you choose to be together.
I personally would not go back to this ex and probably stop communication and move on. I know its hard; but I wouldnt be able to trust him (2 months after breaking up he went to a strip club and paid for sex) , and ignored you?
all the things you have mentioned is not worth more heartache.
Goodluck.
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