A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mother is losing her mind, literally. Last night when I went to work, she was sitting on the sofa, just staring at a blank space on the wall. I asked her if she was okay. She said she was. I then left. Eleven hours later, I'm back home and she's STILL in the same spot, staring at the same wall, wearing the same slippers, TV STILL on the blue screen and everything in the same state I left it in. She never got up since I left last night. Even the food that I cooked for her was never touched.You see, my mother and father had separated since my birth. She had loved him very dearly and since he left, she literally lost herself. She took care of me as best as she could but she couldn't do it alone. So my grandmother helped her with me. Still, all she ever talked about was my father and she never moved on from him. I'm now 23 and I've been looking after her for the last few years. She has been living off of social security for the last few months because she has been recently diagnosed with some kind of brain disfunction (forgot the name).When I got home this morning and realized nothing had changed since I left, I got worried and started questioning her. As soon as she talked, I knew she had lost it. She had deepened her voice and started saying that she was god. She kept preaching over and over that she was god and that I was an archangel. I could feel the tears behind my eyes because I knew her mind was going. The doctor had warned me of these moments. I just can't believe I'm losing my mother like this. ON MOTHER'S DAY no less. She's 50 right now and I can't help but feel like I'm going to completely lose her soon. I don't really know what I'm asking. I think I just want people that have been in the same situation to reasure me that things aren't as bad as it seems. Have you ever lost a parent? Even this way? How did you cope?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Thanks for the update it sounds like your Mom could really use some around-the-clock supervision. If you are not in a position to stay home with her, or work from your home you may want to investigate whatever services might be available to you. She probably should not be left alone at the house for hours because patients who have had a stroke, can get out of the house and wander around the neighborhood and I don't have to tell you all the things that could lead to an unhappy ending there. She might also start a fire in your home, since she's not in her right mind. Truthfully stroke patients who cannot really function on their own should have someone staying with them, it might even help her disposition. She may be somewhat lonely. Some patients can be rehabilitated after they've had a stroke if they receive the right therapy but you have to ask her physician to act quickly. The longer you wait the less likely she will be able to improve. If you cannot afford a private nurse or summons the help of friends and family you may need to look into long term care rather than just leaving her on the couch all day staring into space. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 I hope the appointment on monday goes well.
Remember your doing all you can, providing patience and love to her is crucial.
I know it is heartbreaking but deep down i think she is aware what is going on.
For example; my grandma was always forgetting things; and it felt like forever i was running after her, and i was extremely tired.
One day she looked at me and said "Thank you."
It really made me realise that although they are ill there is still part of them that is aware and knows whats going on :)
Know your mother loves you alot; enjoy the time you can share together.
Lots of love.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (14 May 2012):
I hope the appointment on monday goes well.
Remember your doing all you cant, providing patience and love to her is crucial. I know it is heartbreaking but deep down i think she is aware what is going on.
For example; my grandma was always forgetting things; and it felt like forever i was running after her, and i was extremely tired. One day she looked at me and said "Thank you."
It really made me realise that although they are ill there is still part of her that is aware and knows whats going on.
Know your mother loves you alot; enjoy the time you can share.
Lots of love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStarlights, thank you for your sympathy. Yea, it is quite depressing to see her in such a state. She's been like this before. There were times that she's actually forgot who I was. I believe those were the most painful moments, when she couldn't even remember me as her son. I grieve for her in the best way I know how. Thank you for understanding.Basschick, she has been down this road before. We've already entered her into the hospital after she suffered a stroke. I believe we have tried everything that was in your post, except for the therapist idea. The doctors said that her brain would not be functioning properly after her stroke. Even after knowing that, it's still depressing to watch her forget things that defined us as a family. Thank you for your reply. I really do appreciate the sympathy.Also if you're both a mother then Happy Mother's Day!Update on the situation- I cooked some breakfast for her. She ate it. Now she's sleeping. She was still saying that she was god and I an archangel but everything else about her seems normal for now. I set up an appointment with the doctor for monday. Thank you for helping.
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A
female
reader, unique-angel +, writes (13 May 2012):
I'm a carer for my mother to, so i can totally sympathsie with your feelings of the change of role. But before you do anything you need to get a g.p to come to your home or your mother to see a professional even 2!
you can also care for your mother if 1)you care for yourself make sure u are looking after your self and 2) maintain support for yourself e,g friends.
It is possible she's just depressed, get her out to clubs or pllaces she might like to go.
Hugs
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 May 2012):
This is a horrible situation. If you feel that her behaviour is getting more worrying and that she is generally getting worse, you should seek advice from your doctor. Delusions like this can be indicative of quite a few different health complaints, from dehydration to Schizophrenia. She might even have depression too, which would explain her lethargic behaviour and apparent disinterest in the world around her.Getting some professional advice will help you discover why this is happening, and give you some answers about how her condition might change in the future. Secondly, you need to find some support as a carer: look for organisations that support carers just so that you don’t feel so alone with this. You mentioned a brain dysfunction, remind yourself of the name and find out what support networks are out there for sufferers and their loved ones. Also share your concerns with any family members, and friends.Caring for some-one with mental health problems can be tough, and lonely. Lean on those who care for you, and get as wide a support base as you can.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (13 May 2012):
Before you pick out her coffin get her some professional help! Dehydration can make people sound completely looney. If she is not taking care of herself she probably needs to be hospitalized. Call an ambulance and have her admitted for observation. Share what her behavior has been like and how you found her. If she's not eating, then she's not drinking and she may be dehydrated and her blood sugars are extremely low. A couple of days in the hospital with some IV foods and a good psych evaluation may determine how depressed she is. With the proper medication she could bounce back. She will need regular sessions with a good therapist. Make sure you go with her especially in the beginning. She has been dealing with her grief in unhealthy ways. It's time for you to help her get better. Also once she goes to the hospital they can run tests on her to make sure she hasn't had a small stroke, or may be suffering from early Alzeheimers. Please don't give up on her just yet! I know it looks bleak and you are in shock but get her some help immediately!! Let us know what happens.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 May 2012):
Im soooooo sorry your having to deal with this.
I totally understand: the same thing happened with my grandma (who was like my mum) and its heartbreaking to see someone you love; totally unable to help themselves.
In my situation my grandma got sick in 2007 (she slowly started to forget things and ultimately forgot herself) , it was early stages of alzeimers. She gradually got worse and was unable to change clothes, have a bath, eat, it culminated with her having a stroke. She's still alive; but just barely.
The best thing you can do; is of course grieve (because in a way it is like losing a parent) and cherish her, and just talk to her calmly and nicely , and be patient.
I think patience is the key.
Its really hard and its probably wise to get the help of the carers involved.
I send your mother and you lots of love.
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