A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 23 and about 10 months ago things started happening with a friend, we hadn't really talked that much one on one before, but we were part of the same circle of friends. This was towards the end of my degree at university, while she still had another year left. Anyway, ultimately after a few weeks (maybe a month) it became clear that things weren't going to work. Added to the fact that anything that developed would have to be long distance, for various reasons our personalities etc didn't fully match for a couple. During this brief period of time, things were fairly casual (neither of us had had a crush on the other before anything started happening tbh), but she took it quite hard after I "put a stop" to things. I tried to be supportive and patient, she said that she still wanted to be friends and so we continued to talk (perhaps against my better judgement).She kept texting me after things happened, at first basically every day. I eventually told her that she was texting me too much and she reduced to texting me every other day instead. I have told her again a few times since.I realise that I probably should have just stopped texting her for a while (at least) during this time but I was trying to be a nice guy and not upset her more.Now, I have told her on numerous occasions that I think she texts me too much; at the moment, she starts conversations maybe a couple of times per week. I have made it clear that nothing will develop other than friendship between us and she says that she has given up hope on that, but given how often she texts I still don't feel comfortable with it.Oh, also, within this time I know that she has had sex with two other guys, but not had any relationship with them.Like I said, she is in my circle of friends and I will end up seeing her occasionally in person when my old friends gather for meet ups.So my question is, how do I act here? Am I weird for feeling uncomfortable with how often she talks to me (I have only started maybe 3 or 4 text conversations with her during the 10+ months) or is she still having trouble getting over me?I don't want to turn around and shout at her to never talk to me again or anything, but I do want to make sure she finds someone else like she deserves. I feel a bit guilty every time she texts me and I don't want to end things on bad terms, especially because I will still be seeing her every now and then.Also, to be clear, I would still happily be friends with her if she wanted to be, but only if it wasn't bad for her.
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female
reader, jewlstep4174  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Just be honest with her, tell her she really needs to move on and find someone else.If she keeps texting you I would change your number or maybe tell her to stop texting you or you will.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Hi there
I think you have been pretty patient up to now. Very understanding. Does seem to bother you alot she is still in regular contact though. So, just stop it, you have been polite, told her to reduce contact.Now its time to just stop responding, for her sake and yours. She will soon get bored of waiting for replies and getting nowhere, then she can move on. If you see her when out in the group,just nod, dont get into a conversation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): For goodness sake please tell her in very clear terms not to contact you ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): Your obviously a nice guy, but I think you need to be a bit firmer with her. Tell her that your happy to be friends with her, but that you don't feel comfortable with her texting all the time. Let her know that you would prefer once or twice a month if that's what your comfortable with, but let her know what you are ok with, don't leave it open for her to figure out, she isn't a mind reader so be clear.Also in regards to the fact it has been 10 months since the break up and she hasn't been in a relationship, that is no idication that she is still hung up on you. I broke up with my ex about 5 years ago, I have no feelings for him at all, and yet I haven't been in a relatiosnhip in that time, because I simply haven't found anyone I want to be in one with. Not all people go from relationship to relationship within a matter of months, maybe she is one that doesn't I don't know, but it is a possibility.I think what it may be is that she is trying to build a friendship with you, and your so worried you may be hurting her and that she may still be hung up on you, that the friendship just won't happen. If she says she is over you and her texts to you are not flirty or suggestive of there being more, trust that she is telling the truth and wants to be your friend. Be honest with her that you don't mind if she contacts you in whatever time frame your comfortable with to catch up and say hi, and that you would appreciate if she would respect that.If then she doesn't respect your time frame, you can tell her you think it would be best if she didn't contact you anymore as she isn't respecting your wishes. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): She still has a connection with you so it is hard. But you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, it helps people move on. I would text or tell her you would like to be friendly when you bump into each other and nothing more - then I would go cold turkey. Don't reply to texts or get into further communication. It may seem cruel but it is the only way to draw a line. Of course she will be a bit miffed in the short term but life is like that.
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