A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, ok I don't know what to do.I broke up with my bf of almost 3yrs. about a month ago. He liked to "joke" but I called it verbal abuse because I didn't like being called fatty or stupid. He has a temper but has never hit me, he punches walls tho and yells. He also lies about things, usually small. But in the month b4 we broke up we were fighting alot and he mssged about 4 girls asking to go out for coffee or icecream. He didn't know that I knew and when I'd ask him if he had intentions to date someone else he said no.So I got tired of it snd broke things off. He cried alot snd vowed he would do anything for me to just consider giving it 1 more chance. He admitted to 2 out of 4 girls but that he didnt have intention of it going any further than coffee, that he was just being social since we were kinda broken up. They are all friends of friends but he had just met them so I find it weird him asking out girls he just met in a "friend" way. I told him I'm not going to be controlled and made fun of the rest of my life. He said he didn't realize it bothered me so much because he was just joking and all his buddies do that to each other (which is true)--but I was like "but I'm not one of your boys". He said he will stop the joking putdowns and treat me with respect.Since this discussion 3wks ago he has not messaged any girl online. We hung out for a day last week and he was very well behaved. He didnt make jokes or act immature. He treated me with respect.Problem? My parents know what happened and forbid me to ever speak to him again. I am home for the summer from school and they monitor everything I do, where I go, who I talk to on the phone etc. I still talk to him but if they knew they would kill me. They are a little overboard. They hate him and said if I ever go out with him again they will revoke my university money (ie. I won't be able to finish school)so it's like I have no choice. I want to give the boy the benefit of the doubt even tho I don't really trust and he still hasn't admitted about 2 of the girls. But if things worked out with him my parents would never accept it and she holds horrible grudges for a long time. Oh and all my friends despise him too, I get it tho cuz they don't like someone hurting their friend1 more item: 3yrs. ago we broke up for a bit and he swore he wouldnt see anyone else, 1 week later he started dating another girl and lied about ever going out with her til after they broke up. Theres another example of past lies, but thats a BIG one.So basically what do I do? I don't want to throw away these last 3yrs. and want to believe he will change. But at the same time I get the idea he will be good just to get me back and then start again. I've heard it being called the "cycle of abuse" but I dunno. And also if I do give it another shot, what do I do about my parents? Talking with them is not a option they don't get it and to their knowledge I don't associate or see this guy so they would flip out and take away my money for school. I wish I could just go back and rewind and that I didnt tell my parents that way I could deal with the situation with MY CHOICE and not being manipulated into doing what they want. What do i do?
View related questions:
broke up, immature, money, my ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Find another man who will treat you with respect ALL of the time, not just when his butt is on the line. He's only going to act right for as long as it takes you to forgive and forget then he will be doing the same hurtful things again.
And where would that leave you... expecially if your parents follow through and take away your schooling money.
I know that 3 years is a long time to be together. You have invested a lot of time and energy in this person. But some people can just be toxic. Sometimes there comes a time when you have to cut ties with some people who are just not good for you. And this seems to be the time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): You know what's going to happen, he's only 'change' till his got you back then he'll go back to what he is like. Your too young to be wasting your time with a loser, your parents are just looking out for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 people dont change they just get good at convincing others that they will, that way they can use them in the mean time.
this boy sounds rubbish and not truthful
...............................
|
