A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. i am 20 and he is 22. we have a very good relationship, we enjoy each others company and make each other very happy. however there is one problem...at the end of this year he is thinking of going away with his sister skiing in france for 6 months. its not just something hes suddenly thought up without considering me, before i met him, he'd done this twice before alone, and i always knew he wanted to spend another 6months out there at some point, i just guess i have been so in love i didnt think about how it would feel, but now things are becoming more definate im getting so worried.so many factors are upsetting me, 6 months is a hell of a long time to be apart from someone you love and usually see everyday, i know i could visit once or twice but i hope you understand although this would be good,saying goodbye again would be so painful. also, my ex boyfriend and i went travelling seperately a couple of years back, we decided to stay together and i trusted him completely, stupid of me really as he met another girl and slept with her many times. i obviously split up with him straight away, and although i know my boyfriend is a different person and i shouldnt judge the situation by my ex's actions, its so hard to not worry.my boyfriend knows i have trust issues, but this situation is so familiar, im so scared of getting hurt and him finding someone else out there.some people say i should go with him, but i couldnt, firstly i wouldnt want to live in france for 6 months and i wouldnt have the money anyway.my boyfriend seems to think we'll be fine, staying together and getting through it, i just think its a lot for him to ask of me.i do love him and id love this to work, but worrying about it 4 months before its even happened is really stressing me out and its actually making me ill. ive always had emotional and nervous issues, and this is a huge strain on my health. i dont know what to do?please help x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): 6 months sounds like a while but it's really not, trust me. You will talk to him everyday i'm sure, send emails, texts, letters, pictures, etc. It won't be so bad.
If you love someone, then you shouldn't let somethng like this ruin your relatiosnhup. Relationships are ruined by things like cheating, lyeing, betrayal, hurtfullness, incompatability.. so why let a perfectly good one go to waste because he wants to go skiing.
It's also not exactly fair to him. He's been planning on doing this for a long time and you've been with him anyway. You put it in his mind that you didn't mind if he was planning this, because you love him. So it's not fair to him to break down right when it's finally coming into veiw, after giving him a healthy relationship up until this point. Honestly, you should have thought about this a long time ago.
If you end thigns now, you're going to hurt both of you for no good reason.
If you stay together and both remain faithful, then everything is great after 6 months and your relationshup continues.
If you stay together and one of you cheats, then one of you gets hurt.
So you see.. breaking up with him out of fear that he will cheat is hurting you both for no reason, beucase most likely, he will be loyal, and if not, you will be hurt but at least there will be a reason behind it.
Let him go have hus fun; don't make him feel bad about it; don't drive him away by being paranoid and untrusting; stay busy. Keep your mind in other places: increase your hours at work, go out with girlfriends, visit family, participate in hobbies, join this site and help other peopel with their problems.
There are lots of options and I don't believe that breaking up should be one of them.
PM if you need additional help. I'm an army wife and can relate.
~SY.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (11 June 2009):
 hello, i had this myself when my best friend went away for 6 months. its not so bad, well to be fair it is but only some of the time and most of the time i just kept busy.
maybe he is testing you to see if you are in this for the long haul or if your baggage makes you unable to trust (and therefore commit).
you sound intelligent and self aware-act like your happy whatever he does and try to encourage him(he might not go), or save up and go too. try having a friendly conversation about what he wants from the trip etc. then make your move...
good luck
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