A
female
age
36-40,
*oseePoesy
writes:I'm in a realationship of nine months with a wonderful man who I love but we dont seem to have anything to talk about. All he talks about are cars and I'm just not that interested in them. He's brought up the lack of talking and says that our long stretches of silence make him uncomfortable. I thought they were comfortable. If I dont have anything interesting to say I don't say anything. Since he's said that the silences are uncomfortable I've tried to think of things to say but I come up empty handed... Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, suggestion961  +, writes (16 June 2011):
By this time, you might have figured out what kind of person he is. If he has no feeling for you,you must look for someone else but if he has got even small place for you in his heart then try talking about the regular things as usual and add sth new in your conversation like ask him for a movie and talk about it.
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male
reader, simranjit_13  +, writes (12 September 2010):
just start ur conversion with daily happenings in ur personal life and definitely u ll get many reasons to talk about
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female
reader, Libz  +, writes (28 April 2010):
Umm,hi. My advice would to start up a conversation. Such as would he would like for dinner, or if he wants to watch a movie or something you are able to doa instead of sitting around. Or maybe start up a conversation about something you like that he may or may not find interesting. Either way, if my advice doesn't work or you don' want to try it, I'm cool with it. But sorry, if it doesn't. LOL.
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female
reader, JoseePoesy +, writes (13 October 2008):
JoseePoesy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow this has taken me a long time to respond. Thank you for all your answers and I have tried a lot of them. We seem to be doing alright now even though its taken quite awhile.
I have been trying to take an interest in cars and computers (which he loves). I've been looking at code with 50 million 0's in it lol. Its all greek but hey what can I do. Hopefully now I can get him to be more receptive to my hobbies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): I've been with my husband for 26 years and just recently I've realized that I have done all the talking. About what? I don't know. I guess I just couldn't stand the silence. I never bothered to really listen 'if' he did say something or I 'had' to disagree if it wasn't something I believed so now he isn't talking AT ALL. Take my word for it...find something to do together...find some shared interest...then you will have something to talk about. If you want your relationship to work, don't wait, do it now. If you don't, you might stay together by some odd chance but then how happy will you or he be if you look up 26 years later and the silence is deafening? You think it hurts now?............................
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): The advice you've gotten so far is great. I'd add:
- let him know to follow the same advice. He could discuss your interests with you.
- if either he or you does anything to kill a conversation (eg talk over the other person, say a topic's a bore), then be aware of it & try to stop.
- if you cannot solve this problem, feel comfortable splitting up. Being in sync is important.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Laura's advice is exactly what my wife and I did early in our relationship and for the 28 years since. However, we tried to take an interest in the others hobbies and likes. It has to go both ways. It cannot be one sided. Try to take an interest in his hobby of cars and understand more about them. You must have some interests too. Explain to him that you would like him to do those things with you.
I’ll give you some examples out of my own life. My gf and I both liked walking and hiking in the woods, so that was easy. I liked bicycling and skiing, so she got started in that. She liked historical places, so we started going to historic sites on vacation. We found that we liked the others interests and still do most of the things now that we did 20 to 28 years ago.
Also take a hint from Mandy7. Talk about anything that comes to mind. My wife and I do that a lot. We just enjoy being together and talking about nothing, as Mandy said that her bf and she do. We haven’t gotten bored talking about any subject that comes to mind for 28 years. Talking is something that you are almost never too young or too old for. Discuss where you want to go to dinner next week or the last night out. What movie sounds good or which show to watch. Anything.
Good luck.
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (29 February 2008):
 HEY!!
In a relationship you realy do need to learn to live like that.. you need to be able to listen to him talk about cars.. let him know you are interested and he will be the same with you. You can talk about many things, things you like to do, what is happening next week, what did he do the other day etc..
GOOD LUCK!! I hope i helped you, feel free to mail me at any time x x x
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 If you are in a relationship with a wonderful man, you should get involved with his interest, be it anything.
Learn to like his interest i.e cars. This is call love.
His interest is an extension of his personality.He may not feel it but if the situation was reversed and he does not like your hobbies and activities, how would you feel?
If you want a lasting relationship then you need to know what he likes and you take a liking to them and this will be your common ground.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Ill shut up for uncle phil though hunny I couldnt see my screen then I hope you sort this out sweetheart xxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Hi Hunny
I just blabber away all the time unless Im on the computor then I scream!!!!!!!:) cause Im busy! Seriously though I dont run out of stuff to chit chat about me and my fella chat well into the early hour about crap but its fun...
About his life about mine about the next door neigbours I dunno about all sorts of stuff, We have alot in common like marshal arts and music (making music) and electrical stuff.....if you have found nothing in common and he chats about cars which bore the pants of you then its going to be hard, Every man (and woman!) loves bruce lee dont they maybe you could get an interest in something like this and then you would have loads to talk about, But to be honest love your interests and his sound like the problem. He cant be only interested in cars find out other interests and find out everything its interesting to no what your man is made up of I hope this helps hunny IM JUST A CHATTER BOX TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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male
reader, polarkite +, writes (29 February 2008):
 I think he's searching for a connection with you. You might have high standards for speech, which is good. On the other hand, it's kind of depressing to never talk. I'd start by telling stories. Tell him a story about what you did that day. Ask him what he did that day. Reflect on how boring it is, and think of ways to be more interesting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is a very unusual trait in a woman, and I dare say there's many a man out there with a certain amount of envy for your boyfriend. Me for one. For example, I wish I could sit in front of the TV and watch the news without having my concentration interrupted by inane comments about what the presenters are wearing, and how fashionable or unfashionable they look - then in the next breath being asked "What did he say?" or "What was that about?". My reply will be "I dunno - I couldn't hear it". Silence is golden sometimes.
Perhaps you're just not compatible or have little in common, so it's probably time to find a joint interest such as a pet rabbit, cat, dog or some other hobby you can both take part in - and talk about.
Men of your age group tend to be interested in cars because it's a new thing for them to have their drivers licence and something mechanical to play with. But don't worry - it'll wear off in about 15 years time when his car will be just a convenient method of getting from A to B rather than an object of pride and affection.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Oh dear, how have you managed to get along together for 9 whole months if you can't think of anything to say to him? Ask him how his day was, ask him more about cars, if money were no object what car would he buy? Get him to show you one on the net. Do some quizzes with him, tell him about your day, your plans for the future, your hobbies, what your friends did, funny things that happened to you, what does he want to do for a career etc. Play some games with him on the Playstation, Xbox and challenge him! Your relationship sounds very strained. What do you do when you're together? lol Do you have much in common?
~Eve~
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