A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 2 months pregnant, I have just left him as he is extremely possesive and paranoid, he now has decided if I don't get back with him he is moving 263 miles away from me and my child, leaving him would mean my baby has no father I am 18 and homeless and pregnant. I love him and want to be with him, the good days are great but the bad days are terrible although he's threatening to g,o he insists he still loves me what do I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 I find it awful that a man who made you pregnant and knows you don't have where to go will blackmail you in this manner. It is his child you're expecting, and he's making use of that as a weapon. Blackmail is always hateful, but blackmail with respect to his own child is repproachable beyond words. I think Variety was so right, and I quote her: "mummy being stable on her own is better than mummy being with daddy because he forced her into it".
If you give up to this sort of blackmail, it won't end here. He will know he can pressure you into doing things that are not right. I think you're better off without him.
The years to come won't be easy. But they would be a lot harder if you stayed with him. He's not there to help you, or share his life with you, but to control you. You don't need that. I suppose these shelters people talk about are not so good, but they are way better than this man.
In principle, I agree with Variety about being in contact with him, because of the baby. Fathers need to father their children. However, I am also convinced that sometimes some fathers (or mothers) are more of a nuisance to the child than a help. The baby needs the father, yes, but make sure the father is there to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Or the problem.
I personally know one person who was left alone by the father of her child. It was rough, yes, but at least she was free to do as she wanted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): you have to do what you believe is best for you and your baby. firstly you should try to get in touch with your family (if theyre in the picture). otherwise talk to friends- theyre very important at this stage as they may be able to help you out. at some point you will also need to talk to the father (preferably on a good day) so you can try o sort this out. if he still says that you have to get together or he'll leave, then he probably doesnt want you back because he loves you- he is just being possesive. he wants you because he cant have you...
sorry if this advice isnt what your looking for,but im afraid its all i can give you. in the end, you and you alone can make this decision
good luck with the little one
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (15 March 2008):
 You live in the UK so you can go to your local housing authority and tell them you are pregnant and they will find you somewhere to live if you are homeless. If being with this guy is wrong then you don't want to bring a child into it. Mummy being stable on her own is better than mummy being with daddy because he forced her into it. You have seven months to get yourself sorted.
Now your post suggested that you don't know whether want him back. You can love someone but know they are not right. You have already walked out on him (at least) once and you can't do this with a child. Take a little bit of time to decide what you are going to do and then stick to the decision. You are 18 and an adult and so should be able to decide.
If he moves that is his choice but you need to stay in contact with him. If he is the father then he will have to help support the child. For that matter what sort of guy moves away so he will not be able to visit his child.
It would be worth having a stable relationship with him so that things don't turn nasty about bringing up your child. He has a right to see him/her as they are growing up and you don't want to be in a custody battle. Use the next seven months to get yourself sorted so if the worst should happen then you will be able to show that you can support your child.
I hope this helps. Message me if you want to talk/ask anything. x
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 This is not love. Find a homeless shelter.
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