A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay in November 2007 I started to dated this one guy whom I really liked, he seemed to like me too. After the date he texted me and told me how much fun he had with me and later in the week I went over his house and we cuddled and watched TV. We did not kiss or anything, we just cuddled together. He invited me to his party a week later and I went but I was still unsure if he wanted to be in a relationship with me.At his party one of his friends was really attracted to me and he kept trying to kiss me, at first I was really reluctant and he asked me why. I said that I might be in a relationship but I am not sure. I did not say who cause I did not want to cause any drama between my guy and his friend. He told me he will not tell anybody what we did and I stupidly gave in, I rationalized by thinking that my guy will prolly not even know cause he is drunk right now (which he was...he was his 21st birthday) and technically I was single at the time cause he did not tell me anything about being in a relationship yet. I did not let it go any further except for kissing and cuddling even though he wanted it to go further, he was so seductive, but in the back of my mind I did not feel right. When I finally left at 4:00 am he wanted me to stay but I just wanted to get out of there. I felt really guilty about what happened. My guy even though he was drunk walked me to the door and it made me feel special since he did not do it to anybody else. But things seemed to change after that.The guy I met pursued me and my guy seemed to lose interest a little. I was really worried. I still went over his house and hung out with him still but we never went out again, he invited me over after new years to run and hang out and I had a nice time, but it was never the same. Meanwhile even though I told the guy I met that I wanted to be friends, he wanted to do more stuff until he eventually convinced me that he really liked me and thought I was so beautiful. He was pretty good looking too. One day we were hanging out and one thing lead to another and yeah stuff happened. I started to have feelings for him so I asked my guy if he wanted to be in a relationship he said that he just wanted to be friends. After I got that news I told the new guy that I am fair game and open for a relationship but he had told me that he found somebody else. He said that he did not want a relationship with me, his new girl was better looking and made him happy. Plus he thought I was a hornball and a slut and a fake and he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I was really upset when he told me this, I was used and I was not looking for anything out of him he pushed it on me and I had no clue at all this was going to happen!!! I am not a slut, I dont dress slutty and I dont go out cause I am always studying. I am not looking for guys and I dont f**k several partners at the same time. I never did anybody at all!!! This guy really hates me now and I fear he may have told my guy and thats why he is no longer interested cause he thinks I am a whore.I do not know what to do. I told him the story but did not mention his friend's name cause I did not want to make his friend look bad. But now I am thinking he might have saw me at his party with him in the beginning and gave up on me cause he thinks I would not be faithful. I never told him about what happened at the party. I thought he would not know cause he was drunk. I am really confused cause I really like this guy and I have so much love to give.What should I do? Should I tell him what happened at his party and explain why I did what I did? Or tell him that his friend used me? Or tell him both? I just have a feeling that something happened and it might have had to do with my situation with his friend but I am not sure. I do not know if it is me or what? I am stuck cause I really like him and fear he may think wrong of me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Hi Hunny
His friend is a dick!!!!!!!Talk to your friend the one you liked to start with and say you need to have a real heart to heart chat, And tell him everything as you have said here, And then hopefully a few things will be put straight in his eyes as this so called mate of his was a complete arse and the things he has said to you are a load of billy bull shit!!!!!! He told you a bunch of nasty crap you are well rid of that one... Tiz a good job it was not I that had been spoken to like that as I would have kicked his arse and something else hunny dont let silly mindless people put you down ever....You have to always remember that your special and worth so very much dont ever let some silly childish comment make you low, Rise above this with your head held high you did nothing wrong and you did absolutly nothing to deserve the abuse you received...So go speak with your friend hunny and just clear the air and let him know all... Even if you never go out 2gether at least you have spoken the truth to him love. And as for the other one he is invisable ok dont even think of ever talking to him again he does not deserve your attention and it takes to much air to talk to dickheads sweetpea YOU CHEER UP HUNNY OK YOUR BEAUTIFUL SO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT TAKE LOTS OF CARE OF YOU WITH MUCH LOVE N HUGS MANDY :}XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Right now it seems like neither of them like you very much. I would tell him the truth about what happened, just to get it off of my chest. If he thinks that you are a slut or a whore, it's his loss. Another shitty mind game that some guys play: come on to you, and when you give in, YOU are the whore (not them by the way.) His friend was an ass. Also, I think you need to be more assertive and stand up for your morals more rather than giving in to people. It's not enough to say, "Well I felt bad about doing it, but I still did it." In the future you need to just not do it, period. Maybe his friend was testing you, Idk. Maybe they were BOTH testing you. Oh, and, stop being so hard on yourself.You have my condolensces.
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