If I don't chase her will she lose interest or lose the love she has for me?

A male age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi. my name is mike. i met my ex girlfriend last november and we have had a fantastic relationship. she would tell me everyday how much she loves me and how much she appreciates me. we never fight and we have always been on the same page. there is a distance between where she lives and i live. we are about an hour drive away from each other. we were officially together for 11 months but then it came to an abrupt halt. she struggles with depression, possibly bipolar disorder and she has "severe" body dysmorphia. she has always shown signs, but that it wouldnt stop her from wanting to be with me. so i thought. One morning i woke up to her crying on the side of my bed, and i asked her, what's wrong? she said she was so confused and she doesn't want to hurt me, but she needed some time to regain composure and she asked to take a break. i told her i understood. at first i had no idea what i was getting myself into. i didn't know how to handle this. she told me that she wanted to still talk to me, but a few days later that turned into not talking at all. its been about 6 weeks since it began. i know she loves me and i know that there isn't another man in her life. i know she wouldn't try and make up a fake condition just to break up with me. i know this because we have spoken often since the break up and we've also spent some time together. she spent the weekend at my place last week, and we used that time to go christmas shopping and also for time to ourselves. even though i know she's happy when she's around me but at the same time i feel like she is a different person when she is away from me. my best friend goes to the same school she does and when i tell him that she is depressed he is shocked because she is always acting cheery and happy. she told me that she fakes it so people dont ask her "what's the matter?". she continues to remind me that she still does need to be alone for a while. i understand. i realized she needs to be able to take care of herself before she is able to care for someone in a relationship. i havent asked for her back and im not going to rush into that. i dont want to put her into an uncomfortable situation. i did though confess a few times how much i love her, which probably is not the smartest idea in retrospect. i have and will continue to give her space because i know that if i try and chase her she will only run further away from me which could ruin any future between us. i am hoping to be able to see her during the holidays but if she's not ready then it'll have to wait. Cuz im not going to ask her. she would need to ask me when she is ready. but at the same time, i dont want to seem like im an disinterested. its been about a week since she last spoke to me, but i sent her a letter about 2 days ago that basically explained, 'i am over the break up', 'i understand you still need space', and encouraged her to reach out to me when she is ready. i told her that i am using the time to focus on things ive put off to the side, like my friends. i feel like if she can see that i am still able to continue my life, she may be attracted to the fact that i am able to let things go. i am not desperate, i just know what i want. when i see something special i make sure i keep it. everyone has baggage and i know this will be something she'll struggle with for the rest of her life, but i dont want her to have to do it alone. i know i am ready for this challenge. i feel like when couples go through situations like this, they dont survive because the person who doesnt have the depression continues to chase and the other party looses respect and interest. i dont want to be another one of those statistics. so i am doing everything in my power to play it cool. because she has so much love for me i know she will want to see me again. but i also know that we cant rush back into a relationship again until the time is right. am i doing the right things? if i dont chase her, will she lose interest or lose the love she has for me? i just want to make sure im not doing all of this for no reason. its extremely tough for me but i know its the only way to get her back.

View related questions: a break, best friend, christmas, depressed, ex girlfriend, my ex

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A male reader, doom  +, writes (16 December 2009):

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