A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, quick question. Whilst I support the LGBT community in being who they are, I don't know much about transgender people. I have done a little bit of reading on transgender people, so I know basic abbreviations (cis, mtf, ftm, T) and I've heard a little about dysphoria, but I've met this person online and we've only just started talking. He's a Female to Male Transsexual person (FTM) and I'm pretty sure he hasn't gone through full transition yet, or at least not for long, because he still has quite feminine features.I had a feeling that he was FTM when I saw his picture (face only), but before I read his profile (dating and friendship site).I guess my 'quick question' is, whilst I know that he is mentally and emotionally a guy, neither of us are really into sex (so that bit won't be a problem), does it make me bisexual? Even if I'm only attracted to his personality and think he's kind of cute? (I don't really think sexy/hot about anyone). I dont feel bisexual and can only ever imagine myself in a relationship with a guy. This is all confusing and I'd like to know so that I can be prepared if it does begin to head that way, as to not lead them or myself on. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 January 2015):
 You really should STOP putting yourself in a box. Stop with the labels! I believe labels ruin perfectly healthy sexualities, because people become obsessed about fitting into their label, rather than just doing what feels good and right.
You're attracted to him? Then that's all you need to know. You're not straight, or gay, or bi, or pansexual. You're just you, and you like this other person. It doesn't make you anything other than what you've been all along: yourself.
Just because you happen to like this particular person does in no way make you bisexual, or anything else. You're who you've always been. I know that in the beginning, putting a label on yourself can appear to be very important, in order to know how to present one self to others and avoid the assumptions people make about you. When I first discovered I was bisexual I too wanted to label it, put a name on it, and I only got confused and hurt by doing this.
For example, I happened to be in love with a guy at the moment, but felt attraction towards women. Some people told me I was not bisexual at all, just because I like how women look, and told me that all bisexuals are actually gay and just sitting on the fence. I was told I should dump my then boyfriend, even though I was in love with him!
Do you hear how silly that sounds? I should leave the man I was in love with just because it didn't fit in with how people labeled me. Luckily, I came to the understanding that... I love who I love. And that's pretty much it. I never "turned" lesbian, and it's certainly not something anyone could force anyone into being just by saying they should be. You, and only you, decide who you are attracted too, and who you want to be with, REGARDLESS of what label you have, or what label people put on you. You will not suddenly wake up one morning and be sexually attracted to another sex, just like that. If that was so then we should go out and scare the heterosexuals by saying "dump your girlfriend/boyfriend, because you are probably secretly gay and shouldn't be with her/him".
That would be just the same as telling you: "do not date this man, because that would make you bisexual or lesbian and you are actually straight, and can't be attracted to him".
It's silly, because you ARE attracted to him. Never mind if that means you're not straight, or maybe it means you ARE straight. It just makes you you, and you like this other human. And it's really as simple as that. Go for it. If he makes you happy. And isn't the entire point of a relationship to be HAPPY, and share love, when it all comes down to it?
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (7 January 2015):
 Agree with Honeypie - you see him as a male, he sees himself as a male... that makes you, a straight woman, dating a man.
Sexuality is fluid and accommodating. The sides of the box you've put yourself in don't need to be so rigid.
The bottom line is - you like a someone. You want to get to know someone. Let that happen, and if it works out - who cares what that "labels" you as? You can call yourself whatever you like, as long as in the end you end up happy.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2015):
 As I see it, if it quack like a duck, it most likely IS a duck.
If HE sees himself as a guy,YOU see him as a guy, then for all intend and purpose HE is a guy. So no, that wouldn't make you bisexual.
You also mention that you aren't a "sexual" person, maybe you are a bit asexual? Which is fine.
I wouldn't worry about labels. I don't think they mean a darn thing. Would it make a difference if you found out you ARE bisexual? Being bisexual doesn't mean you will WANT every woman you see to even WANT to date any. It just means you CAN be attracted to BOTH genders (or all genders)
I get that it IS confusing when we now add, trans-men, trans-woman, gender-queer, non-conforming .... you know the list.
But I would just get to know this guy for WHO he is. And see how that plays out.
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