A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This has been a bit of a problem for a while. About two and a half years ago, I fell madly in love with this guy that I know. I guess that scared me quite a bit because I'd never had such feelings for anyone before. This wouldn't be as much of a problem if it wasn't for the massive age gap between us and the fact that he is married. I guess I don't want to be in love with him but it's at the point where I love him so much that it hurts. It's been the hardest two years of my life and I am determined to get over him but I just don't know how. I can't suppress my feelings for him. How do I get over him?Thanks in advance for any replies... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 January 2015):
 What you're feeling is limerence. It's obsessive, intrusive, compulsive, the whole butterflies thing. It's infatuation, not love. You're not "in love" with the guy. You can literally be in extreme euphoria and total despair in the span of minutes because of limerence.
It's a drug to you now. You are getting addicted to the feelings.
The others are correct. The best way to stop the limerence is to cut off all contact with the guy and with things that are his. Meaning, no looking at his social media, no calling or texting, avoiding seeing him at all costs, if you work with him, do not make trips past him if you can help it. Limit all conversations to professional if you have to, and keep your mind on other things.
You can't "suppress" any feelings, and that's not the right approach in the first place. The secret is thinking about something else. Hobbies, friends, other things. If your life is full, you don't have time to yourself to indulge fantasies.
Most limerence goes away if the person experiencing it doesn't hold on obsessively to it, and that takes a conscious decision to do so. If you want to move on, you will get your wish once the obsessive stuff passes. if you find that these feelings are messing up your life, especially when it comes to feeling depression or crying uncontrollably, you may need some professional help, because that's a sign of something more serious and doesn't have anything to do with the guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here... No, I'm not currently in any kind of romantic relationship with him... I'm just really attracted to him and want to get over him... Thanks for all your advice btw :D
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2015):
 I'd say, first step would be to CUT all contact. And I mean all contact. Even get a new number, so he CAN'T reel you back in with empty promises. Get rid of sentimental things from him. Delete pictures, texts and e-mails. No need to "hold" on to those.
After that? It's like getting over ANY doomed/bad/dysfunctional relationship - you TAKE the time to look back and reflect. You ACCEPT responsibility for what happened, this isn't just about some married man who chased you and "made you love him. YOU knew he was married? And STILL moved forward. WHY? Ask yourself that. And be honest with yourself.
Then I would suggest you spend time with friends and family, get your social life going again, my guess is you neglected it a bit while seeing this guy.
I don't mean to suggest that you should look for a new guy, not yet. Not til you are completely over this dude and can see the affair for what it was - a piss-poor decision.
Figure out what you WANT for yourself. Set some goals and GO for them.
And least but not least, LEARN from this. If a guy has a GF/Fiance/wife is is OFF LIMITS and you can do better.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 January 2015):
 Are you currently seeing him? The best, and in many cases only, way to get over someone, is to stop seeing them. No talking, no meeting up, no staring at pictures. Love will die if you stop nurturing it. Love is only going to last if you keep maintaining it. So ignore him, and the feelings will die. It can take anywhere from weeks to years, but the love will die.
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