A
male
age
51-59,
*udcreeker
writes:my wife and i have been married for 7 years. things have not been good lately. my wife works nights, and when we get a night togather all i want is to be with her. she acts like she wants nothing to do with me at night. the day time we spend time togather but if i ask for sex she blows up. i dont get sex much lately when we are in bed togather or no kids at home i ask her if we can have sex. never getting sex is a problem with me i get to wanting it more. when things start to go bad i try harder maybe too hard. i start showing extra affection. she only gets madder. i know she loves me she is so high strung she does not have time to slow down and enjoy me. right now she is pissed at me because i asked for sex we had all weekend togather spent all day togather and sex was out of the question. if we dont ever have sex i feel rejected. all i want is for her to love me and show me that. i dont want any other woman she is the mother to my children and no other woman can compare to her in my eyes. how do i fix this...or me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I've read some interesting answers, however, coming from a wife that "blows up" every time my husband asks for sex, it's really not that simple. There are different parts of a relationship, and for woman, if she is unsatisfied or unhappy in one aspect, the problem will manifest itself in other parts including sexually. For the past two years I've been trying to get my husband to communicate with me and talk about our issues, but to no avail. How can I have sex with someone who is practically a stranger to me? As long as he's controlling everything, he's happy. He feels there are no problems. And me, well, I'm just a whiny housewife who talks too much. He leaves our issues unresolved and then expects me to open up to him in bed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I base everything I say on no actual experience here (lol) :
Well I guess you need to dig back in your old times of courtship. I suggest with a day off, set a mood. Music, candles, that sort of thing. Or perhaps a vacation? A little trip somewhere. I GUESS for women its more a mental feeling rather than our animal thirsts of lust. I know you are showing her affection but maybe it needs to be more.
If this doesn't work...I'd say get counseling
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Her not wanting sex does not reflect on her love for you and she is not rejecting you directly. Her working nights is playing havoc with her body clock and hormones. You also said that she has been highly strung and having trouble slowing down, she probably has trouble sleeping as well. Women are so different in relation to sex, first of all they prefer to make love rather then have sex, they need to feel in the mood and have a need to connect so it is a combination of factors. Given her hectic lifestyle she doesn't have a chance for all of this to come together in fact I suspect that she would prefer to sleep every chance she gets.in fact from her perspective your giving her affection and attention is your sign for 'I want sex' and she sees that. You will need to try a totally different approach. I don't know if you are a house friendly guy but you will need to show that you care about her by taking some of the pressure off her then she will notice you because she will know how much you care for her.Do whatever it takes to free up her time and actually provide her with the free time she needs to recover and reconnect with you. This means doing as many of her jobs around the house as you can, clean the toilets, the rooms, be responsible for the kids, run them around, make dinner 2,3 or 4 times in the week, do whatever it takes as she desperately seems to need time out. And you need to keep this up for as long as it takes for her to acknowledge your love for her and be reassured that she will notice. And don't stop when you actually get sex, keep looking after her and she will continue to love you for it...and want to have sex as well. By the way, I am not taking away from the contributions you already make and the wonderful husband I am sure you are but at the moment its about her. You will get what you want its just that the road is a different one to the one that you would normally take and she will love you for it.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 maybe she feels that there are other ways you can show you love her rather than always asking her for sex.maybe this is the problem you keep asking her for sex too much,fair enough i know you have needs as does she.but maybe if you back off a little bit stop constantly asking for sex from her then maybe she'll feel a little rejected and come to you for sex.but for now just leave it as it is.i mean who knows she keeps rejecting you maybe she's getting it elsewhere?she works nights you said ever wonder?just a suggestion.hope this helps.x
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