A
female
age
41-50,
*eorge777
writes:Hi I have been with my partner for 11 years and I dont know if too leave my partner and starta new life. We have a little boy aged 6 and rent a lovley house but this is not evrything. We havnt been getting on for s while constent little arguments mainly because i dont feel loved bu him I constinley ask him for sex and love but he makes excuses saying hes tired or no time but then 2days ago i took my son to bed an my parnter assumed i must have fell alseep with him, but i hadnt i came out of the bedroom an listened to what sounds like somebody (my partner) on the verge of having an orgasm, i ran down the stairs to find him turning the tv over an fixing his pj bottoms an blatanley dienied everything but since then i havnt spoke to him and cant bring myselt to as its made me feel worthless an ugly plus it makes me thinks if hes hiding this what else can he be hiding. 12months ago he left his fone on our bed which he never lets the fone out of his sight to which i checked it an found about 7messges from girls telling him what they wer wearing an sayin they wer close to his post code, i couldnt belive they knew our post code an to top it not 1 girl as i said 7 diffrent girls again he completley dienied an said a friend must of sent it as a joke, i dont buy this. I feel distant, alone, ugly and very unloved and more so a mug. I just dont know what to do, i mean is this normal behaviour, am i being paranoid???????
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 You need to communicate your feelings with him. He's not a mind reader. If you don't think you can do it alone, maybe seek the help of a councelor. First for yourself and then for the both of you together. It sounds to me like you have some depression issues as well, and maybe some anger issues wrapped in the mix. Get a grip on these first, they could be part of the reason why he has distanced himself from you.
Something else regarding masturbation. Don't look at it as him choosing something else over you. That's not the case for most men. I masturbate almost nightly. It helps me get to sleep and relieves the stress of the day. Even when I'm with someone, I'll often do this (not usually with them in the next room thought). It's a release. I don't have to worry if anyone else is receiving pleasure. I don't have to be stressed about lasting long enough or too long. I can just let go. That's how it is for a lot of guys. The only way someone would be likely to get me to stop is to pleasure me nightly before bed. The problem is that I'd want to make sure they were pleasured too...
A
female
reader, george777 +, writes (8 September 2010):
george777 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advise I feel so lonley cos I cant bring myself to speak to him an when he did come home tonight i took off by throwing a candle which has now dinted my wall silly me an has probably made matters worse, but thats how low its all made me feel, like worthless an fat an egly an he prefer to jerk off to a couple of young girls on a tv screen but ur advise was gud its nice to know ppl listen thanku x
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 September 2010):
Well, him hiding that he was masturbating is completely normal. Most men do this. It is personal and we have been doing it for a long time. Really it is just a release. It helps us feel better and doesn't really hurt anyone.
However, then we have the phone thing. That's a different story all together. His lack of attention to you could be part of this problem. When in a committed and loving relationship, it isn't proper for either party to be sending flirty, sexual, texts to anyone. It's out of respect for your partner and your relationship. It can be considered cheating by some, and can lead to physical cheating in others.
So my concern would be much more on the texts than on the masturbation.
Here's my suggestion. If you catch him jerking off again, try offering to help. Go over and lend a hand so to speak. It may add some needed excitement to the relationship.
The other thing I'd suggest is talking about it. Don't be accusing, just tell him how you're feeling. Communication should be one of the biggest foundations to any relationship. Hopefully you can get him to talk to you about it.
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