A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, me and my gf have been together around a year now. i am completely in love with her and we have a fantastic time together despite the relationship being long distance. however there is one probem.. my jealousy. i get jealous at the stupidest of things, for example if she's off out with mates for a night out it makes me want to tear my hair out wondering what she's up to. there is no evidence to suggest she is cheating on me at all, but i suppose this issue of trust stems from past relationships/family incidents that have happened in my life.i, on the other hand, have been out clubbing on a couple of occasions during our relationship and kissed other women. i know this was wrong and i honestly feel so guilty about it, but at the time i was so drunk and it kinda happens. this just makes me feel even worse, because i think.. if i can do that even though i love her so much, could she have done those things too?i really dont know how to deal with these feelings anymore, i love her, she says she loves me so how can i stop feeling so jealous?! help
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clubbing, drunk, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): You're projecting your ability to cheat onto her, which is making you jealous. You know you're fully capable of it, so you think she probably is, too.
Here's the deal: You cannot blame your drunkenness for kissing other women while you're out clubbing. Although alcohol lowers your inhibitions, you should have full control over your actions while drunk. If you don't, you have consumed too much alcohol and need to go home and sober up. Being drunk is never a good excuse for voluntarily cheating on your girlfriend.
You can stop feeling so jealous by:
1. Controlling yourself.
2. Telling yourself that you trust her and that she's given you no reason to think differently. I've found that writing down feelings and thinking them through that way makes overcoming strong emotions like jealousy a little easier.
You also need to decide if you plan to tell your girlfriend about your drunken indiscretions. An open, honest relationship is one that can survive. You have to decide if it's worth lying to her to protect yourself. Bu that, of course, begs the question: If she kissed another guy, wouldn't you want her to tell you?
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