A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am going crazy. Just had to go to Dr. yesterday and got Rx for Xanax. I have lost 13 pounds in the last two weeks. This is why: I met a guy who really felt like my soul mate. We met July 31 and have gone out every Fri and Sat since then. The first month was wonderful--the attention, the romance--unbelievable. Then it seemed like he quickly settled in to a comfortable phase. We stopped "going out" on dates--but still see each other on Fri and Sat--have dinner at each others house or watch a movie. That's okay, because I enjoy being with him no matter what we do. What bothers me is this: Up until about two weeks ago, he would text me probably 10 times throughout the day starting early, and the last text being one to say "good night" right before going to sleep. The "good night" text doesn't happen anymore and the daily texts are cut down to only a few. He also used to call on the phone every few days--and that never happens now. I know he's busy, so I always waited on him to send the first text. Lately, when I haven't even heard from him until late afternoon I will send him one and just ask how he's doing. He will answer, but doesn't seem that interested. So far, we are still seeing each other on Fri and Saturdays. Am I just being paranoid? I just have a sick gut feeling that his feelings have changed. I did tell him that I worried that he doesn't have the feelings for me that I have for him, and the only comment he made was that he has felt kind of cold to the world for the last few years (he had a bad divorce a year ago--and his ex ran around on him at least a year before the divorce). Do you think he could still develop deep feelings for me (or love) and I'm expecting it too soon? Or would he feel something for me by now if he was going to?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Why are you freaking out like that about how a man feels about you? It's only been three months at best and you are about to take prescription drugs over it? I don't mean to be harsh but he may be pulling away from you because he starting to feel that you are a little desperate. From reading your post, you like the special attention that he paid to you and now that he has cooled off some, now you think that he doesn't want you. If I am right, you were probably available for every text and every phone call right? If you had other things going on in your life then you wouldn't be available to take all of his text and/or phone calls. Then you are sitting around waiting on him to text you first. From what it looks like, you are spending too much time watching your phone and you could be doing something else. Take if from me, that type of behavior is short lived because you are in the infatuation stage. It's always like that in the beginning. After the both of you get a little comfortable around each other it starts to slow down. He may have some issues of his own due to past relationships, stress, etc., that does not necessarily have anything to do with you. If you are going off the deep end like this over text and phone calls you really need to check your program. A woman who is sure of herself and have an active lifestyle herself wouldn't really be paying attention how many times he called because she has so much going on herself. Please take a deep breath, reconsider those pills, and do some self reflection. Best wishes to you.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
You need to gently ask him how he feels about where this relationship is going. Don't push him, just sit him down and see where it leads.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (2 October 2009):
 Ask him, and tell him you really like him a lot, but don't push him. More relationships falter because of lack of communication than anything else.
But most men aren't good talking about how they feel (or even about how they don't feel) or showing it, so you have to do all the hard work. Some aren't comfortable expressing their feelings, even years into a good relationship.
Your relationship is new, so you don't need to rush it. Two months (and a bit) isn't, in my opinion, long enough for you to really know how you feel, let alone for him to know how he feels if he's only a year down the line from a divorce.
It's more important to feel comfortable with someone - settled and calm in their company - than the much stronger emotions that nearly always hit you when it's a new, exciting relationship. If he's feeling rough, as he says "cold to the world", then ask him if there's anything you can do to help. Most important, BE there for him when he needs you. If love and a long-term relationship is going to develop and, more importantly, if it's going to be the right relationship for both of you, then it's not necessarily going to happen overnight. Attraction and desire may happen at first sight, but love doesn't (much as we all so often mistake the spark of a new relationship as love - and just sometimes it DOES turn into real love). Love grows slowly, along with trust. You haven't got there yet. Don't rush it. And don't worry about it. Be calm, and help him to be calm.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (2 October 2009):
 So the Honeymoon period is over... I'm afraid the intensity does tend to die off after a period. However, I have to say, it does seem a little severe!
If life seems to be rather pressed for him at the moment - give him time, just keep monitoring the situation and ask him if everything is ok.
It just takes time... hang on in there, if his heart is in it the true guy will return.
Steve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): You have a lot of fear of loosing him, he is sensing it, i am sure. That could be a turn off for both sexes.
it's not a very good idea to inform him about your fears, shows your insecurity.
I agree w/highjacked, don't contact him for a few days and see what happened, let him wonder why you're not calling.
About Zanax -it's extremely addictive drug. You re resorting to it instead of dealing w/your feelings and situation. You're a grown woman,who lived a life, you need to deal w/your troubles without being druged.
Write a journal, talk to a friend, but please reconsider zanax.
I know love can be a torture, but you can make the desision wether to stay in a situaton or not.
Tell you the truth I don't see anything wrong w/him not texting you as much as he did before, since he has you now, he is not making as much effort to keep you, it's natural.His comment that he is cold to the world troubles me a little. Don't take it personally though, he might be like that w any woman.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (2 October 2009):
 You haven't provided us with enough information to evaluate. I mean are you guys actually in a relationship? Or are you just dating? Have you guys become involved sexually?
If you two are in a relationship, I would say that he's just cooling the jets after the first few months of being totally obsessed with each other. It happens, though usually not that fast. The guy probably is pretty busy, so he can't text all the time. At least he is still finding the time and making it to hang out with you. Though if you two are having sex while not being committed to each other, then he might just be hanging out with you to mess around.
If you two are just casual with the benefits of sex, he might just be hanging out for that reason alone. I mean if he was really interested, he'd find the time to talk to you. What I would do is not contact him at all for a few days and see what happens. See if he texts or calls. In fact don't contact him at all until he contacts you. Don't even set up the days that you two are going to see each other. Let him make it a priority instead of doing it yourself. I know this is going to be very very hard, but it will most likely reveal the answer you need.
But either way, relationship or not, you might have to expect a while for love. It's only been a few months. Just sit back and enjoy things, and don't get worked up. Dating and relationships are supposed to be fun, they're not supposed to cause you to lose thirteen pounds.
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