A
male
age
30-35,
*oviefan
writes:In 2 days im about to turn 19 and im going to collage, i have never had a real girlfriend. I have had countless attempts and an equal amount of failures all of which have fallen apart due to things outside of my control like their ex tricking them away from me, their own stupidity, i could go one but i wont don't need a page of me listing off the situations. I have asked people i hardly know and long time friends and acquaintances yet they all fall apart with the first few months or less due situations so out their and random i don't see them coming ever, my friends even see this and make a joke out of my luck, were pretty sure god likes to find new and interesting ways for me to fail for his own amusement on a regular basis lol. Ive only had one real kiss that's how far we get, we date a few times hang out and what not and something bad happens. Ive tried with so many different types of people ones that seem like im asking for trouble others that seem like its a safe bet and they wont go and do the same stuff the others have to no avail. I also do not have self esteem problems i have no problem asking girls out did so a couple of times a week ago and its pretty regular, and i don't want to go and date any random person. If i fail with people i know or have something in common with why bother with people who i have nothing in common with. I think im relatively attractive better then most less then some. Im just getting extremely lonely, it makes me sick to see others together, not because of jealousy but because it just reminds me of how much i want someone to care like that about me. It is becoming even worse as i seemingly fall behind my friends who are all slowly progressing as i sit back single, and become more and more upset about my situation. It feels like the world is building up around me and one day i just wont be able to climb out. It just makes it even worse when i see a guy who isn't that great looking with a girl i would die to like me even tho what little good that would do lol. Im that worried about looks ive asked girls out that were not that were not attractive to my friends at all because they were cool but even those fell apart as soon as they started. My hormones and physical needs are not being met at all so im becoming mentally unhealthy im sure, im sick of being that guy among a bunch of guys who have never had sex or a girlfriend, that are looked down at a bit and mocked regularly. People keep telling me "o just wait it will happen give it time" but ive waited through all of school and now waiting through collage and nothing except more rejections even from people who shouldn't have and betrayals. I used to see women and thought maybe one day i would find one i was really compatible with and be happy and be with them for a long time, but now im slowly just starting to see a stupid woman who is just another failure waiting to happen who is in a bad relationship and would rather be their then with the countless good guys out their like me that remain single. What the heck am I supposed to do i feel trapped, what the am i doing wrong!
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jealous, self esteem, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Oh. You got a girl that likes "bad boys". My friend, those girls are the ones that have no idea, no clue, and will never get it. The point is, you're wasting time with that one to be sure.
Well its hard to say. Chances are you'll find someone. Just keep looking. I've spent a lifetime dating women on and off, and I will tell you point-blank, out of 100 plus that I've dated, only 4 ever got close to my heart, one stole it and broke it. And so you see, you're not alone.
However, there's someone out there for you. Just keep plodding along. There's 6 plus billion people on this planet. That gives you roughly 3 billion chances.
A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (2 October 2009):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thing is i don't use bars and i have used online dating, and ive done almost everything you said, i don't date people on rebound they just have on a few occasions decided to get back with a ex from long ago randomly after starting crap with me. I do think about finding someone like a girl does, i just want someone i have something in common with and are semi attracted to lol.
I dont carry or express the negativity around anyone but my friends on a rare occasion the rest of the time it gets bottled up and that makes me a mess.
Its irritating because i have someone ive liked forever, like since before i even thought i liked girls, but because she is stupid and immature she keeps dating bad guys running back to complain about her failures to me that fail because she is looking for relationships in the wrong guys and wont date me even tho its pretty clear she has interest in me she blushes over anything i say about her teasing or other wise and she doesn't do that with anyone else. She always looks for me at collage to hang with over others, she hits on me and i hit on her most the time. Yet she wont date me at all and just sits their and makes me watch her failures and makes me more and more aggravated.
I told her off and told her what the hell she is doing, and that she is looking for a relationship on all the wrong places and wasn't soft about it, and she still is around me and still doing the same stuff even tho i did so. She is the peak of frustration when it comes to women.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (2 October 2009):
Its obvious here that you're picking up girls who are either on the rebound, or are looking for a guy friend instead of a boyfriend.
So what's happening is you're the "friend" but not the lover that they're looking for.
You need to start looking at women as they see the men they want. In other words, what is it in a woman that you want, what are your limits? What kind of behavior in a girl do you NOT like? Set the boundaries.
When you start dating a girl, make sure she's looking for a boyfriend. If she's on the rebound and her ex shows up, you know who's going to sucker her away from you. So you want to make sure she's out of it. Over it. Doesn't want the ex in her life anymore.
With girls that are not on the rebound, get to know them for a date or two and ask them what they're looking for. If the girl's talking about things you are not into or frankly she indicates you're a nice guy but you're not what she's looking for, then its obvious she's never going to change her desires.
Sometimes you just have to get picky. Frankly the worse places to pick up girls is bars and nightclubs. The best places to pick up girls is work, classes, the mall, or go on a social dating site where you can meet a variety of different girls in your area.
Sooner or later you'll probably find a girl that's interested in you as a boyfriend or life-partner. Which is exactly what you should be looking for.
Its the same with women. They have their own boundaries. Find out what they are up front. If there's no compatibility there, then you know up front.
But carrying around a bunch of negative energy about having no luck with women is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go in expecting it to fail it will. If you go in expecting to learn more about this potential girlfriend, then you'll learn something.
If you go in expecting immediate love at first sight, then you're going to be disappointed.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (2 October 2009):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow love the false emphasis on the god part the title gives lol
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