A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:Hey all!This is a hard one for me... I am 26 years old and so is my partner. We have only been together about 3 months now. The relationship moved VERY fast, and we were saying I Love You after a month. I always told myself I wouldn't do that, but I think I got caught up in the excitement. Back story: I was in a very bad 6 year relationship that ended a little over a year ago. (My current BF and I work together at a restaurant) A big draw of my current partner was he was the opposite of my ex. He respected me, put me first, made me feel good about myself, etc. He also took me out to things, and had this “I want to care for you mentality.” I also felt so at ease with him, from day 1. I felt like I could be myself His downside is where he is in his life and a lot of the baggage associated with him. He is also 26. But had spent the last 6 years doing a lot of drugs and partying most of his early 20s. And I mean hardcore partying (ecstasy, coke, etc.) He also had just moved back to the city we live in, and is in a super transitional phase of life. I realized early on that I did’t think he would be someone I would want to maybe “end up with”, but then again I tried not to think about that since it is in the early stages. Over the course of these 3 months I really grew to like and care about him, and I feel his is a great person, that just needs some help navigating his life. With that being said, over the last couple weeks, his life problems have slowly crept into our relationship.He basically feels he doesn’t have any support (friends/family) and is unhappy with his life (job). In addition I learned his credit was very bad and he is basically in a bad living situation with his sister. Soo..LSS his life is not together mentally and physically, and I have recently felt a huge pressure from it. I feel he is very codependent one me, and I know he puts our relationship as the number 1 priority of his life….(since not much else s going on in his life). I have tried to tell him ways to improve his life, and have encouraged him to do his own thing (hobbies, making friends, etc.) I want to be there from him and help him, but I also have my own life to figure out and I have a lot of new exciting opportunities happening for me that I want to take full advantage of. Basically I don’t know if I want to continue the relationship because I think he has a lot to deal with and figure out, and I don’t know if I want to feel responsible for it. But at the same time I love and care for him as a friend, and want to be there for him, and I feel very selfish, and scared to end it. I want him to do well in life, and care a lot. I really don’t know what to do. He is a great person, and I want the best for him, I just don’t know if I can handle the pressure of what is going on, especially since I feel like the only person his relying on..
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 February 2019):
 None of his life issues would have bothered you if you were actually in love with him. I think you were in love, but then it faded. Like a summer romance. If it wasnt his life issues, you would see other reasons to end it. Youre just not feeling it any more. And that is okay. You dont need a huge reason to break up with someone. If you simply arent that interested any longer, and you are not married, its perfectly fine to end things. Yes, he might get his feelings hurt, but he will get over it. Just please... please dont tell him its because of his past and current life situation etc. No neee to tell him: you are flawed. Just tell him you stopped feeling romantic feelings for him, and have started to think of him as a friend, and thus you have decided you want to break it off. Its just chemistry. You werent a long term match. What you see as flaws, someone else will love in him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2019):
 I would tell him, that you think he is a great person but you don't want a relationship right now.
That way you are letting him down in a "kinder" way instead of saying you cling and don't have a life.
Don't continue to date him. JUST because he is nice, doesn't mean he would be a good long term partner for you. Focus on you. Not him.
And in the future don't date "fixer upper" guys. Guys that need "help" or to "change" to be just right for you. THAT isn't realistic.
Find a guy with the same drive as you, don't someone you would have to carry.
You don't want to hurt his feelings and I get that.. but you also know that there isn't MUCH going for him as a partner either, so it would be KINDER to end it now, before he get too attached and dependent on you.
And don't PATRONIZE him by offering friendship.
And be professional at work.
LEARN from this. Don't shit where you eat (don't date where you work). It's just not a good idea.
Let him go.
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