A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am extremely torn and confused over a guy that I was with 8 years ago for 1.5 years. Because of certain circumstances we had broken it off and recently about 4 months ago he came back into my life. He remembers everything we have done, all the memories. Problem is he lives with his girlfriend, but he still texts me and tells me how much he enjoys me. We stopped seeing each other and a week later he texted me and told me that he thought he could get over his craving me, but he can't. I asked him if this was just a sex thing and he replied no, not really because I am thought of regularly. When we are together, the chemistry is out of this world, we get along so well and have the best conversations. He is torn, I am torn and I don't know what to do. We are in our mid to late 30's so we are not kids. I know I am not the one in denial and it seems he is starting to come out of denial little by little. Isn't it true if you are happy with someone, you wouldn't cheat on them? They have been together for 3 years so I know its hard to let go of something you are so comfortable with. When I told him he has a girlfriend for sex, his reply was but you are the tastiest, I don't get it. What does it mean when a guy tells you, you are the tastiest and he can't resist you? Please help, so torn up over this, can't sleep, can't eat. Men -- you seem to know how you think so what do you think? Thank you for all your feedback, maybe something will make sense.
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male
reader, GodJudgesAll +, writes (1 January 2011):
I suggest you walk away and let it be. If he left your life a couple of years ago it was for a reason. Look I recently was cheated by my wife with her "best friend" which was a friend i knew since i was nine. She got used by him though, telling her a bunch of sweet broken promises that were never gonna happened and she felt for it and were doing it. I knew but it but couldn't do anything for lack of physical proof. Well it didn't end well for him and certainly my marriage isn't the same. It's not worth the emotional distress. Keep and love what you have.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Thank you soo much everyone again for your advice, its sincerely appreciated! I know it looks like I'm selfish and not considering the other partner in this, but I do. We all have gone through some sort of hurt in our lives and we each handled it differently. Your opinions vary and its great because there are people who put themselves in my shoes or have gone through this and there are those who have yet to experience this and maybe one day you will and u too will need to seek advice. That is why I came here, to see if I'm not thinking clear. But I will go with my gut, again we have history, I've known him in good times and in not so great times. He is scared and so am I. Yes he is in a committed relationship but he doesn't have children and he's not married so really he's just at a comfort level that can change on its own. I'm not gonna give all the details but what I will say is like a few of u have said, what is destined will be and right now just being there for each other is enough and I just realized that. And no we are not having sex at all, just lots of awesome foreplay. Lol. I know sleeping with him is wrong at this point so sex is not an issue. I do know how he feels now and again, if its meant to be it will be. Thank you again for all the great answers it really means a lot whether they are good or bad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I would like to say on this Young Lady's behalf, why does she have to be all selfish and slimy and willing to put up with anything just to get and keep a man? From recently being in her shoes, I can speak on this. When I was in her shoes, I did not feel guilty, why should I? I did not actively seek out this kind of relationship, the man did. He just wore me down until I listened and took part in it, and I am sure the young lady who is writing for advice feels the same way. Sometimes it takes putting on other peoples shoes to see how they feel. Either way, if this man cannot make her #1, he needs to get out of the way so she can continue with her life. She can accomplish this one of two ways, she can tell him to get out the way, or she can run like hell over him! But go on about her life is what she should really do, and don't be second to ANYBODY but the God you serve!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Affairs are just stepping stones to other problems in a relationship. I'm realizing that myself. He needs time, its hard. Usually all you hear is about women who hurt after divorce but we men hurt too, believe me I know. Evene if you are the one initiating separation or divorce or the one who stepped out of the relationship you still hurt, because all your hopes and dreams with your wife are fading away.
Believe me when I say he is afraid right now. Afraid to go through this again, afraid that there is no future for him. Afraid to trust any serious relationship at this moment. I know I had to give myself space from my lover even though I think of her constantly its for the best. If its meant to be then it'll be. Its up to you if you want to wait or not. Thats the decision you have to make for yourself.
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male
reader, mack79  +, writes (29 December 2010):
Affairs are just stepping stones to other problems in a relationship. I'm realizing that myself. He needs time, its hard. Usually all you hear is about women who hurt after divorce but we men hurt too, believe me
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female
reader, Am I just stupid +, writes (29 December 2010):
I am somewhat there myself. And I have always been told whatever your gut tells you is usually true. But then I am still so confused because one day my gut tells me that once his divorce is over he will want to see me and then one day it feels like no he wont I was just an affair and meant nothing. My guys final court date is next week. But he has decided he doesnt think he is ready for another relationship just yet and needs a lil time to get over everything and get back to being himself. So we havent seen each other for 3 weeks now. I think that if men look to have an affair, they are definitly not happy with the life they have at home and are looking for happiness somehow somewhere. But I also think alot about him because he said when he leaves his wife he wants to know it wasnt because of an affair or because of me, he wants it to be over because he is so unhappy and miserable and that its because their relationship is over. And guys do have that comfort zone and it is hard to get over. So my gut is holding out for a little longer to see if it even happens next week. And don't get me wrong I could go out and have been asked out by several guys and in my gut I just cant do that to him just not yet. So I think you should go with your gut, everyone is different and thinks differently, but then life would be boring if we were all the same. Its your choice and like me just try to prepare yourself for which ever the outcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Take time for yourself and heal. It's hard I know but it's for the best. If you need to go see a counselor, if he is serious about wanting to be with you then he would make more of an effort. I'm not defending his actions or him but he probably is scared to. It's easy to say one thing and another to do something about it.
Fear and grip us all when we think about moving on and leaving someone behind. All the best of luck with you and your situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I have heard a lot of lines but ' u are the tastiest' is a new and so slippery line. I am glad u are happy with this explanation of his, bec he is having sex with u and his gf.
Yes u are right, u are selfish and you will take anyone right now bec of your divorce. I realise that u need someone. But does it have to be a man in a stable relationship.
I am really going to make a generalised statement which will offend other decent women going through a divorce (I will apologise in advance): I have always said, be careful of women either recently divorced/going through a divorce, they are generally out on the prowl for a man, any man. They take and they do not care who they hurt in the process. My friends discuss this often and stories like yours reveal that we are not off the mark. Whether it is loneliness or just sexual hunger these type of women latch on to other womens men. ( I again apologise to other divorcees who are the general norm, but I think you will agree with what I have just said).
Sadly you have done exactly what I have described above. You have no thoughts, no guilt , no remorse of hurting another woman yes you are going through a divorce and need a man to pass your time but does it have to be this man in particular.
There was a thread recently: how u get a man is how u lose him. You got your man by cheating, is this how you will lose him???
Something to weigh on your mind when he goes back o his gf. To me you seem to be the desperate one, not him.you are pressuring him and you are expecting him to leave her for you. You may be the tastiest, but for how long? I would love to be that mosquito on the wall when he is having sex with his gf, imagine what terms of endearment he is using. Oh well, cheaters are unique aren't they?
LoveGirl
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female
reader, aftermath +, writes (28 December 2010):
It's entirely possible that he doesn't love her, but it's just as possible that he does. Since you are currently going through a divorce you should know better than most people that marriage and committed relationships can be difficult at times. Maybe she's not paying as much attention to him because she has a lot going on in her life, or maybe they're going through a rough patch. I realize you are probably sad and lonely due to your divorce, but you are setting yourself up to be sad, lonely AND pathetic.He can tell you whatever he wants but it should be easy enough for you to put yourself in HER shoes. You are "The fantasy." He never comes home to find you messy because you've been cleaning the house or doing his laundry. You don't complain about him about staying out until 2am ('cause at the moment he's with you.)Since you have decided to see him-there are only two possible results:1. She finds out and he goes running back to her. (Maybe still wanting to sneak around with you)2. She finds out and he runs to you. (Then you get to spend every moment that he's away from you wondering if you are still "the tastiest".)Either way one thing is for sure-you'll get what you deserve.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (28 December 2010):
 There are men out there that will say anything to get you to have sex with them. Bottom line, he's with you because you continue to sleep with him and don't ask for more than half of his love. If he really cared for you he'd leave her, but even if he did, how do you know he won't cheat on you too?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Maybe you need to start probing him about his relationship with her to figure out if he's confused, bored, or has fallen out of love with her. Normally people don't cheat when they are with someone they love. But there are levels of emotional detachment that people can go through, usually driven by boredom, or when they don't feel their mate is paying enough attention to their needs or desires (very common among couples with small children). Try not to make it sound like the Spanish Inquisition, but casually ask him "So what drew you to your g/f when you first got together?"....or ask him, "So what do you guys like to do together?"....."What's a typical day in your life with her?"......"What was the best day you ever had with her?.....or "What was the worst? These may give you some insight but a word of caution, if he hedges it could be because he doesn't want you to discover that he's just feeling restless, bored or curious about what else is out there. Beware, his girlfriend may not be the problem in this equation.
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Real question: If he really loved you, he wouldnt still be with her. He can make up whatever excuse he wants bottom line, who is he still with(bf/gf). Then thats who he wants. He can get sex from you, and will most likely tell you whatever you want to hear to get it. And maybe he doesnt love you. If he felt towards you, like you seem to feel about him, he wouldnt drag you through all this. He wouldnt be with her. But he is. And he will stay with her. I see it as this: If he is willing to cheat and lie to her he must not care about her too very much. But how he feels for her is still stronger then how he feels for you. Or she wouldnt be in the picture.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): First off, I want to say thank you for giving me your feedback. What I didn't mention is the fact that we have history and no he has not cheated on her ever until I came back into his life. In one way you are all correct when it comes to me being taken for, I sometimes know that, but than he reiterates on how much he has missed me. I know he is torn and I know its hard to make a decision that can either make you or break you. He even stated to me a few times, what if it doesn't work out with us, and he is right, what if it dont, its a risk I know that but I know he is scared of being alone. Although in my heart I know it will work. I am not a fool, I am a grown woman who myself is facing a divorce at the moment. I am sure in the end either way it will work or won't, I guess I will have to be foolish enough to find out. But again, I want to say thank you for your feedback, I do take everything into concideration. One thing though, I may need this right now as much as he does, but no it does not give him the right to cheat but I guess in a sense I am just as selfish, especially when 2 people connect so magically, its amazing. Happy New Year everyone!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (27 December 2010):
 If he really loved you, he wouldn't cheapen you by letting you become the "other woman."
Besides which, a lot of guys can be perfectly happy with someone and still cheat. That's why he can say those things to you, it gets you to put out. It's not moral, but some people can be hapyp and sitll cheat, some people can lie very convincengly.
You are being used. Get out before you get hurt any worse.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Get a grip, he is using you for sex alone and you are letting him use you. Wise up, he's probably cheated on his poor woman many times before.
If he could cheat with her he would cheat with you.
Close your legs and get your own man.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 December 2010):
 All those feelings and memories aside, what good can come of this relationship? Do you really want to start yours again with him cheating on someone? Generally if he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you too.
It is possible he loves her on some level, but I do believe that a person won't cheat if they are happy and in love.
Tastiest? It means he really sexually desires you.
Really, this guy is a loser. He's using both you and his GF. He has figured out which of your buttons to push, and he's making great use of those. Walk away. I've never heard of a successful relationship starting out of an affair.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): I was in your situation until recently. Let me tell you how this panned out, and perhaps this will help you. This man would be telling me all this, all that, all the other, and you know what? His wife DIED. You know what else? This man is dating other people now, and at first it made me feel SO FILTHY! Like I was good enough for you to cheat with, but not good enough for you to be with! But you know what? The moral of the story is, if a man is going to be in your life, and in your face, make him show his allegiance by making you NUMBER ONE. By the way, I did get a nice Christmas Gift from him this year, and my Christmas Gift to him and to the World is this: If you are going to be around me, wanting to be with me, you are going to do right and make me #1, or Push On, Flintstone!!!!!! And yes, I kept the Coat, I think that after all that I've been through, I deserve it, and I don't feel obligated to give him anything back for it but a Swift Kick, and I feel obligated to give everybody who wants to know, encouragement! You Deserve Better, Girl! Tell Him To Stop Playing, and get out the way so you can move on!!!!!
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