A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please bare with me, and please help!When I was 14 I met this boy online. He was the same age as me we had the same interests and generally got on very well. We spoke online nearly everyday, as well as texting each other and phoning each other. It blossomed into a very special friendship, even though we lived so far away from each other, he lived in scotland - and i live in england. He was one of the few good things in my life for a very long time, as I suffered from quite bad depression and an eating disorder through my teenage years.When we were 17 we both decided to meet. I travelled up there to see him and another mutual online friend we had. We had talked about our morethanfriendly feelings for each other before but we had both said it wouldn't work with such the massive distance. Nevertheless we were smitten with each other and the few days we spent face to face were actually bliss. I had planned to lose my virginity to him but in the end I just didn't feel ready, to which he was very understanding and we kissed and cuddled all night and just generally had a lovely time together.However when I got back home he wanted to see me again, he'd clearly changed his mind about it not being to work over the long distance. He wanted to see each other regularly and told me he loved me. He would tell me this quite often and I never said it back. I told him (being afraid of him hurting me) that i didnt want a long distance thing and he could do whatever he wanted and he understood this and our friendship continued for a few months after that.Then he got this girlfriend all of a sudden. He didnt even tell me properly, i found out over facebook. When I asked him about her he was kind of awkward but said she was his girlfriend. I felt a bit upset, realizing what an idiot I'd been for letting him go, but I never told him this, after all it was my own fault and I had set the rules. I thought our friendship would go on as normal and always but it didnt, he just stopped talking to me/phoning me/texting me altogether. I think thats what hurt the most.Then a few months later, he had to move to wales to go to university and dumped her. Literally half an hour after he'd finished with her sure enough his chat box popped up on msn (a sight i hadnt seen in some time) and was asking me when and if i would come and visit him in his new flat in wales. I of course got angry and lost it and told him he cant just not speak to me when he gets a girlfriend then start speaking to me the minute he dumps her and expect things to go on as before. He said he'd told his girlfriend about me and didnt like him talking to other girls, plus she checked his chatlogs. I don't really think any of that is true but that was his excuse. He told me he didnt know what my problem was, i'd made my feeling clear, and after i'd come to see him then went home i acted "as if i didnt want to know him anymore". I explained to him why and how wrong i was and that i DID love him but it escalated into an arguement that didnt end well. I sent him a long email with all my feelings about the whole situation and him in it i told him that it was best to break contact because it was too hard for us to remain friends when our feelings were so strong and we couldn't be together. He replied with a measly 2 lined email about "how he wishes he could fix things as hes losing a friend he's had for a very long time" i never replied.Long story short we broke contact for good. This was around a year ago. I think about him nearly every day and it's killing me. Sometimes i even cry myself to sleep thinking about it all. I can't even find anybody else because I don't find any guy thats been in my life to be as special as him. I'm still a virgin because I just can't give myself to any guy except him. I always wanted it to be him and I always thought it would be. I know I truly do love him, I met him when I was 14 and now i'm 20 and my feelings have never changed. I'm a good looking girl, i could have probably any guy i want but i don't want anybody else but him. I was stupid to push him away, but i was young and scared. I know he misses me, he tells mutual friends of ours and asks if i still hate him. He told one of our friends he sent me an email one time (after we'd fallen out) when he was drunk, but I think he sent it to my old email address which i lost to password to. If he misses me why can't he just say sorry for being a jerk so we can go back to normal? I'd initiate it myself but i feel the balls in his court this time...there's nothing i can apologise for or else i would. I just want him back more than anything, I feel i've let the love of my life go. Please tell me what to do!
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drunk, facebook, his ex, long distance, msn, still a virgin, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): I got in contact and before i could even say anything he was apologising. We're talking things out now, i'm over the moon.
Thanks very much all, for pulling my head out my ass lmao.
Haven't felt this happy and at peace in ages.
Much love xxxx
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 The balls in his court?? Dunno how you figure that, but you're letting your own pride get in the way... if he sent you an email when he was drunk he could have apologized profusely, professed his love... who knows, but what if he's thinking the exact same way as you? Does he know you didn't get it? Cos otherwise, don't you think there's a possibility that he might think that the ball is actually in your court?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Why do you feel he acted like a jerk ?
You told him you did not want an LDR and he was free to do what he wanted. He got a girlfriend , and he couldn't /wouldn't keep up a close friendship with another girl ( you ) because this is what very normally happens : the girlfriend get jealous, and anyway it's not even respectful that the boy may subtract a lot of time and attention from his current relationship to reach emotional closeness with a third party. The moment he was single again ( in fact, I think this is flattering for you ) he got in touch with you again.
What do you feel is so terribly wrong in this picture ?
I think you got a little overwhelmed by your emotions, and basically it was all a musunderstanding. Don't turn it into a tragedy , it does not require long, heart felt apologies from any side, it was basically miscommunication.
Initiate contact. Try your luck- if he wants you back, now that you both are more mature things should run smoother. And if he does not- at least you tried and it will be easier for you to move on without the weight of "what if".
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A
female
reader, amyxavier +, writes (22 October 2010):
life is too short tell him and see what happens if he has moved on then at least you know u tried one last time and u will have to try to move on who knows he might be feeling exactly the same way and not want to say anything incase he gets rejected u willnever know unless u ask
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