A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys...I really need some advice! Its quite a tricky situation and none of my friends or family know what to do.Recently I started seeing a 25yr old guy i met in a bar, I have to be honest and say i wasn't attracted to him at first, but as the night wore on he was funny and kind and we exchanged numbers. We kept meeting up and one thing led to another and we had sex, it was only after this he mentioned that he still lives with his ex girlfriend, and they sleep in the same bed!!!!Now, I'm not stupid, the first thing i said was are you still together, do you sleep together etc, because I didn't want to get involved if this was the case. He told me they had been intimate for a number of months and had been broken up for around 6 months. She just has no where to live, so she only moved in with him and his parents because she was kicked out by her family. They were together for 4 years and she lived in his parents house for 3 and half of those years, never married no children. He said he keeps telling her to leave but she has nowhere to go and although he doesn't love her wants her to be safe. And i can respect that. They constantly fight and he constantly asks her leave, he's met me and had black eyes and bruised ribs, and is generally warn down by the whole situation, However she pays no rent and doesn't have a job!!! And i've said just kick her out, but he wont. He just doesn't want to seem to help himself!We've been seeing each other for nearly 3 months now, and he has found a new place to live which he moves into in a few weeks. But what bothers me, is that he doesn't answer my calls or texts when shes around. He wont see me, if he has had an argument with her. And i feel a bit of a fool, because he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but surely if he did, she would be long gone? surely he would go out of his way to see me, but he cancels all the time because of her when she fights with him. He promises me he doesn't love her, and i believe him. But i dont want to settle down with someone who's ex girlfriend is always gonna be there! And i know for a fact when he is at work he answers her calls not mine! But his work collegues all say he hates her and wants her to leave! So what is he doing?? I've called it off once saying you care about her more than me but then he wont stop ringing me, its like he wants us both. And he likes the fighting, why else would he not have her move out!! I dont know what to do help!! Do i say leave it til you've sorted yourself out, or do i stick by him?
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female
reader, heather016  +, writes (19 June 2010):
When a guy wouldn't answer your call when some other girl is around, it's not a good thing. if he loved you, he would have answered. i just dont get why. he probably wants both you and her. dont be a fool. just cut off connections until he's decided. he cant have both. it's too selfish. you should be selfish enough to keep your heart from getting crushed into bits. it's time for you to be selfish. now or worse later.
A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (17 June 2010):
Sorry honey this situation doesn't look good.
Now here is the test, break off the relationship until he NO LONGER living with he's girlfriend/ Ex and can and will answer your calls at anytime (with exception to work).
If he can do this you can have a future. If not you will never know what is really going on between him and this other woman.
Be strong and take a step backwards, it maybe hard but may save you years of hurt.
Good luck, keep us updated x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Recently I started seeing a 25yr old guy i met in a bar, I have to be honest and say i wasn't attracted to him at first, but as the night wore on he was funny and kind and we exchanged numbers. (I think they call this beer goggles)
We kept meeting up and one thing led to another and we had sex,
(I think they call this a booty call, meeting up, he doesn't date you or take you out somewhere special and pay the way...and one thing leads to another and whoops your clothes fell off and he fell on top of you and miraculously you had sex)
it was only after this he mentioned that he still lives with his ex girlfriend, and they sleep in the same bed!!!!
(After he has sex with you he suddenly remembers he has a girlfriend and he wants to see how stupid you are when he tells you this we sleep in the same bed but she has no where else to go and we don't have sex BS, after he proved to you that he is a reblooded male and had sex with you without the promise of an exclusive relationship)
Now, I'm not stupid, the first thing i said was are you still together, do you sleep together etc, because I didn't want to get involved if this was the case.
(Wow, you really told him....since when did you lose your sense of judgment, when he kept banging your head on the wall while having sex? Did he F you stupid? Seriously, read your diatribe and tell me again that you are not a stupid girl)
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I'm sorry to have to be the one to break this you, honey but YOU are the girl on the side. You are right, though. If he really wanted her gone, she'd be long gone. If he's essentially ignoring you if she's around, takes her calls and not your's, then I'll bet you dimes to donuts she has no idea you even exist.
Straight up: he's playing you and stringing you along. He's showing you what he'll do to you if you ever think you're the only g/f he has. Dump this one, he's not worth your time.
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