A
female
age
41-50,
*oving me
writes:Im in a abusive marriage I love my husband but I can't do it anymore im to the point I hate him I don't want to have sex with him I pray that things will get better but he gets worse what should I do he says he love me but how could hit me Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Leave and be safe.
There is no other alternative.
A
female
reader, goldyloxx  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 there are so many women in abusive relationships... i can totally empathise with you. I had a guy who mentally tortured me for 3 years. One of the hardest things to do is leave. when you said i cant do it anymore! Try and turn that around and ask " how much more pain can i take" how much more pain are you willing to take from him. I understand you are married but that does not suffice to being physically and emotionally battered. There is a saying that says "Hurt people HURT" He sounds as if he is in alot of pain himself and only he can address his problem because it belongs to him. Until he can address it i am afraid it will get worse. Abuse never gets better.
You could do the the utmost loving thing for him and go and get yourself some help. It dosnt have to end in Drama, alot of couples can get over it. But it takes one of them to get help and that help has to be for themselves. You are a young woman, you have the power to grow. Any situation that dosnt promote growth can only die.
Hope that helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I feel for you, my husband started hitting me 8 months ago during our 28 years of being together he had never done so before(he was caught out having an affair).
It's easy for people to say leave him when you just want the hitting to stop and get everything back on track in the marriage, the last time my husband got into a rage i rang the police i did leave but went back after a few hours the police wanted me to press charges but i love him and choose not to,he was shocked that i called the police and he has not hit me since and is getting help to deal with his anger.I will not tolarate him hitting me any more and he knows that i will leave if it happens again.
Only you can decide how much more you want to take.
My advice to you is if you love him and want your marrige to work is get help if he is not willing to then i would say leave him.
What you must realise it is not your fault.
You both need help and surpport to work though this.
Hope things work out the way you want it to x
Only you can decide
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 If things get bad, you need to file domestic abuse charges against him. He needs help, and you need safety. Do not poison your quality of life. Get out now, go some place safe, either a good friend or family. Just get out.
Aside from you needing to love yourself, he is obviously having his own issues. He needs to figure out where those issues are coming from and realize that what he is doing is WRONG! I too was in an abusive relationship, and though it wasn't anything like what you're describing, I wish I had left at the first blow.
Don't be a victim anymore. Pressing charges can start him on court ordered therapy. And I would suggest you seek counsel too in order to find out why you are staying in this relationship. This isn't your fault, at all. Please, I urge you to leave and protect yourself.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 February 2009):
 I want to know, how do you love yourself and choose to stay with someone who's hitting you? At this point it doesn't matter what he says. What does matter is (1) he hit you (2) you don't deserve it (3) you need to be somewhere safe. I recommend "there is no time like the present" to get to safety. You don't need to be in this situation. Get somewhere safe, then you can figure out the rest.
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