A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i was seein a guy for a few weeks and started to fall for him, when things started to get serious he backed out. We then had a sexual relationship on and off for the best part of a year then i moved on and found my current boyfriend whom ive been with for 3 years. My ex and I have a lot of good memories and we are really good friends we recently had a night out for my friends birthday (which is his sister) and he then told me that he loved me, everytime we have a night out together we start a conversation talking about the past he'll tell me how messed up his head was back then because of an ex and the way that they broke up. claimed he wasnt ready for a relationship. the conversations is had almost everytime where out together. Never once has he opened up and told me what was really on his mind and how he felt about me until recently. ill always have a soft spot for my ex, he meant a lot to me and he still does. He told me that he loves me, now this is news to me as he never talks about his feelings towards anyone. The talk he gave me about how he feels about me has totally shattered me to pieces.I have a boyfriend and i have a child with my boyfriend and i love them both with every inch of my heart and would never do anything to destroy what i have. But im struggling to cope with what my ex has told me because deep down i still have feelings for him. I dont want to be with him i love my life the way it is or even the way it was before this happened, ill always have feelings for my ex, and i dont want to lose him as a friend because he means so much to me, i dont really have anyone that i can talk to about this situation because it would cause loads of problems.i love my ex, but i totally smitten to my boyfriend and commintted to my family, but i cant see a way out of this situation that im in. despite my ex telling me that he loves me and always has and never being able to actually say it till now, has made my life a little complicated, id love for everything to go back to the way it was before me and my family, and my ex as one of my close friends, i don't want to lose him as a friend. He says he knows i love my boyfriend i have a happy We're family and he says he wouldnt want to take that away from me. if he knows this then why did he feel the need to tell me how he felt in the first place?i want my friend back without all the complications but i dont want anyone getting hurt i love both of them and i also dont want to get hurt. Any advice you could give me to get out this situation would be very much appreciated, i know someones gonna get hurt and its either gonna be me or my ex and i want to prevent that from happening.thanks you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012):
I think it can be difficult when you really like someone or believe you have feelings to turn them off . Our emotions are not taps.. And though the other aunts posts may seem to you bit harsh, we do that so that you can see through fog of emotions and, I have to agree with every word they have put.. They want you to see the reality not the fantasy that's running through your head
You had feelings for this guy .. I'm sorry sweetie he didn't
You thought if you hanged on he would change .. He didn't.
He wanted sex..
Now you have a loving relationship and I hear you saying you won't hurt your bf or your baby , that's good..
Be flattered he thinks your still hot, but give him the brush off, he doesn't love you sweetie, he hardly knows you.. A few weeks dating and then on and off sex for a year isn't getting to know someone or fall in love with someone..
It's using someone.. Just tell yourself, your the best he'll never have..
You have a sold family unit, don't let him ruin that..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 agree with Cindy that he’s not really an ex. He’s not an ex-boyfriend… he’s an ex fuck buddy…
I sense that it’s SAFE for him to say “I love you” now because he knows you are committed and won’t break up your family. So now he can look “good”
No one is getting hurt to be honest. I don’t buy his “I love you I was just messed up and I just needed to get this “feeling” off my chest.. more as a way to stroke his ego and see if you would leave your partner for him so he can mess with your head again…
He’s NOT a friend if he’s willing to let you mess up your current situation. I know that it’s hard to believe but when you love someone you are willing to let them be with someone else that make them happy because YOU LOVE THEM and their happiness is more important than yours.
HE is not seeing that… what he’s seeing is a girl that spread her legs for me and will take my abuse and use…. So let’s try to get her back.
do not risk your life for this game playing boy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Let's start with the fact that your ex is not really your ex as in ex husband or ex boyfriend- he is an ex FWB, so ,per se, a rather superficial relationship, based , at least on his side , on physical attraction only ( he is the one who backed off and did not want more ).
So the " friendship " is mostly in your mind, a sexual on and off relationship is surely not where a real friendship is cultivated and will blossom. That you can hang out around the some mutual friends and have a laugh and a good time, every now and then,... that's a social acquaintance , not a friend. Otherwise I could say that I have maybe over one hundred friends, I guess .
It is also not very friendly or respectful to hit on a girl who now is in a committed relationship , with child and all, a real friend would have kept his mouth shut .
So basically, what he is saying - probably also with the help of a few drinks, which tend to make people more (fakely ) expansive and sentimental - is : I sure would not mind to get into your pants again, particularly now that you are in a committed relationship and someone else has the official bf title, so no way that I'd be requested to take any responsibility or fulfill any expectation about a relationship with you.
If you really care about your current boyfriend, you will have to could shoulder this " ex " when you find yourselves in the same social circles, and stop the flow of romantic heart-to-heart talks, I'd bet my front teeth that he's bullshitting you , but even if he was totally sincere, let him indulge in this kind of " courtship " is superfluous and inappropriate ,if you take your current r/ship seriously.
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