A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf are talking about having sex, we discussed it and I want to be the 'passive' one of the two, if you get me, but I have seen him naked and I am worried because he is really big! I haven't had sex before and he said it hurts the first time anyway, but nevertheless I am still worried because, it is a big thing to put in a small place? What can I do?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Oops! I am a dork! You're right Cindy, thanks for the catch!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 @ You Wish - ahem, the poster is male, so I think he and you don't have in mind the same orifice. The one he refers to, is surely less elastic and stretchable than a vagina, so I guess his fears may be justified. As a matter of fact, I think the same , it is a big thing to put in a small place.
Then again, I am not an homosexual male, so what do I know. There are millions of gay men, and they seem to have managed somehow to successfully go past this hurdle.
I suppose the trick is the same with any kind of virginity. Be sure you really want to do it, be sure that your partner is gentle, patient and considerate , relax as much as you can, take your time, all the time you need. It's not something that has to be accomplished in one go , it can be done a little at a time. And use plenty of lube.
That's an advice only based on logic not on knowledge, but , hoping that you get more informed answers from gay male posters,... can't be that off the mark, I think.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2012):
Neither of you should be "passive"! The best sex is between two adventurous, active, engaged, eager people! It's a mutual dance of tongues, hands, bodies, tension, fluids, breath, and pleasure!
But I get what you mean. :)
Don't be afraid! It very well could hurt, but he's right...it is only for the first time (or first few times if you have sex a lot in the first couple of days). You can minimize that by using a lot of lube and taking plenty of time. Sex feels natural, even the first time! And it gets better and better when you're with someone you have taken the time to get to know, are in love with, and have a strong and true committed exclusive relationship with.
Trust me, a woman is built to birth a baby...a man's penis is not a big deal! Some are bigger than others, but unless they make a 20 inch 9 pound penis, then you can well handle him. (Sorry guys, we secretly DO know when you add imaginary inches to your bragging ;))
Go slow! Have lots of patience, humor, love, fun, and happiness to it, and you will have a memorable and great first time. Don't expect the first time for you to have an orgasm, as that rarely happens for a woman on the first time. but don't be scared! The more relaxed you are, the much less pain it'll be, and some girls don't have any pain at all! He must be very gentle and slow about it.
Oh, and if possible, before you get to intercourse, on earlier sessions, before you both talk about this, you both should be good at giving each other orgasms. Primarily, he needs to be able to give YOU an orgasm with his fingers, his mouth, a sex toy, or whatever. Have you ever had an orgasm? Can you give yourself one?
Don't go from zero to intercourse! Get to know what gives your body pleasure first, even if it takes a few more months until intercourse! Trust me, if you learn to have orgasms with him in other ways, then first time sex will be so much better!
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